TheRealSharon's Blog

{June 15, 2013}   I remember this feeling….

Back in 2011, when I did my first Post-a-day challenge, I got this feeling very often. This feeling of not only NOT knowing what to blog about on certain days, but just not really wanting to blog sometimes. Then I would procrastinate until the last minute and get something posted whether it was interesting or not.

Tonight, I find this feeling upon me once again. It’s something I have been unfamiliar with in a long time. Not knowing what to write is still a familiar thing at times, but even when I don’t know what to write, I still feel a strong urge to figure it out because I love to blog so much. Tonight, blogging is pretty much the last thing I want to do… here I find myself blogging about not wanting to.

What are the reasons why I’m feeling this way? Well, I’m not sure. There are many reasons why I might. For one, I am now 3 weeks through with my Medical Transcription Training and while I am still enjoying it, the daily toll of being a computer so MUCH is getting to me a bit. I even posted about this not too long ago. How sometimes you just want a break from the computer. I have plenty of writer friends who can understand that!

Secondly, there’s a free weekend of some of the movie channels so I have a bunch of movies on my DVR calling to me and honestly, I would much rather be doing that. Another reason could be the cause behind the poem I wrote last week. Depression…..that evil curse that sneaks up on me when I least expect it and makes me not find comfort in everything I once used to love. But if that’s the reason, it’s going to have to take a backseat because I am simply tired of it wrecking my life. I just got to push through it and keep going. I KNOW how hard that is to do, but I also know I am stronger than I give myself credit for. We all are. All of us out there fighting depression and/or any other silent disease.

I had to fight against skipping a post tonight for the first time in a LONG time and it wasn’t an easy task. This post might not be the most interesting or entertaining I have ever wrote. It’s not always the best posts that are the hardest to write. Sometimes it’s the posts like these that you have to push yourself to write, but I feel a great sense of accomplishment nonetheless.

{February 23, 2013}   Life isn’t a Fairy Tale

The first definition of a “Fairytale” is just what it sounds like, a story about fairies told to amuse children. The other definition given is an interesting but highly implausible story, often told as an excuse; as in when someone makes up a story to get out of something, for example. The very definition of the word tells you that it’s something fictional and not real yet from the time we are little girls we believe in a day where we can run off, get married and live like in a fairytale. The whole idea sounds lovely, but if you look at the examples from most fairy tales, are they really that ideal? Something horrible usually happens before the supposed happily ever after which seems to be the key thing we dream of. We all want our “Happily ever after”, never considering that this lovely ending in fairy tales could just be a clever way to say “The End” while making you feel all happy inside.

Now let me first clarify that this is NOT coming from a scorned woman who feels like she missed out on her fairy tale. I am happily married and I love my husband very much. I believe in the power of love and I believe that two people can stay in love throughout their marriage, go through the bad and come out better and grow old together. I simply disagree with the notion that life can be a great big fairy tale.

Let’s look at the elements OF a fairy tale. They always start with “Once upon a time”. Well, in that way, I guess we can agree. All our lives started once at some time or the other. Secondly, you always have a hero/heroine and a villain. Well, in real life, there are many villains all around you. Some people have more villains in their paths than others; some get conquered by a hero or heroine, even if just metaphorically speaking; others aren’t so lucky and lose out. Good doesn’t always win over evil in real life.

Third, we have magic. I believe a little in the supernatural and that we have a type of magic or power within ourselves, but I don’t believe people can turn an actual pumpkin into a carriage or that mice I encounter will talk to me and then sew me a dress. If there are mice that can do this and I am unaware, PLEASE let me know! Then…we have royalty usually in some way. We definitely still have kings, queens and princesses around as shown by the royal wedding, BUT the royalty of 2013 is very different from what it was when fairy tales were first told. In fact, WHEN they were first told, it wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies then! A queen was more liable to get her head cut off than be happy with her king, who was probably bedding several mistresses right in front of her!

Next, fairy tales always have some kind of problem and solution. In this case, I can relate but real life seems to have never ending problems and the solution doesn’t come from magic. Real life is tough and while it’s nice to believe you can just be happy forever and never be sad, angry or hurt again, it’s not true. You DON’T get married and then everything be sunshine from then on. Things are going to happen, LIFE happens. You can’t avoid that fact.

Lastly, fairy tales always have some kind of lesson, with the main one usually that good conquers evil. Ah, fairy tales, how I envy that good always wins out in you! If only in real life good could always win. If only sickness would always lose, if people wouldn’t ever hurt you, and you wouldn’t have to face death. But life isn’t a fairy tale.

Having said what I don’t agree with, I will now say that I still appreciate fairy tales also for what they are. Fairy tales give people hope, which is something hard to always keep in this day and age. Hope is important to have regardless of the situation. It’s good to believe the best of mankind and hope that in the end, good WILL win out, even when it doesn’t.

Life ISN’T a fairy tale but it IS a story. A story that YOU fill out by every step you take, every word you say and everything you do each day. You have the power (or magic) to decide how you’re going to deal with what life throws you and what people will say when they read YOUR story. So while your life may not read as a fairy tale, you can still let your life read as a GOOD life well lived. A life of someone who tried to do what was right, who loved whole heartedly, and tried hard to make this world the type where good DOES win out in the end.

{September 17, 2012}   Another week gone and holding…..

Not exactly sure on my weight today honestly due to totally forgetting the day, eating my breakfast and THEN weighing, but I am pretty sure it’s probably the same as last week. 😦

Yea, it’s kind of a bummer but I spent most of my weekend helping out a friend with a garage sale to raise some much needed money to help save her house and I KNOW I got more exercise than I have had in the past few weeks. Due to this constant dizziness, I have cut back on my Zumba and Just Dance workouts. My doctor told me not to do a lot right now, anyways, so it’s safe to say my body is exhausted from the exercise it DID get this weekend. And when I say exercise, I mean what MY own body considers that, but I’m sure a lot of people might not have a problem doing, ya know? I did move boxes and run around a good bit for ME though so it’s possible I gained some muscle, who knows?

I’m proud of myself for sticking with my diet, though. I was offered Kolaches, Hot dogs, Chocolate chip cookies, sugar cookies, pound cake, AND soda this weekend and I turned it all down. Granted that none of these, except for maybe the kolaches and chocolate chip cookies were that HARD to turn down, but hey, I did and it would have been easy to just say, “A little bit won’t hurt.” And in fact, a little bit might NOT have, but I remember in the past when I told myself this and I gave in. Once I gave in once, it was easier to give in again and again. So I think it’s just better to say no.

So it’s a rainy day today, it’s making me feel tired, my back is killing me when I bend down, I have a sunburned neck and possible hives or sun rash on my arm like I did around this time last year. But I’m just telling you this…not saying it to complain. This past Thursday, Friday and Saturday were amazing. Wasn’t all easy but so worth it. I met some great people, laughed a lot, held back tears a lot and saw more giving and caring people than I have probably seen in my whole life. It truly renews my hope for humankind and the future and I feel so blessed to have got to be there to see it all. My friend will be able to keep her home and I got a blessing myself in seeing people come together and give of themselves to help someone else.

Because of this, I am calm and absolutely happy with the week even IF I saw no loss in weight. I got enough gifts this week without needing the weight loss. 🙂

Well, me and my hubby went to a friend’s house today for a fish fry. It was a lot of fun and I got to meet my friend’s newest little one, Aidan, who is 2 months old. He was so cute!

I enjoyed holding him, too. It was the first time I had held a baby that small in awhile. The last time was probably when his older sister was an infant and she is now close to 2. It felt like I had been holding a baby all my life, though. Which is not too far from the truth. I’ve been an aunt since I was 2 and held my first baby (that I can remember at 2 yrs. and 2 months). That baby was my first niece Krystal. We have pictures and there’s this big, humongous smile on my face cause I was so excited about holding a baby. I don’t think I even understand that I was an aunt until many years later but I knew what a baby was. I was obsessed with them.

I’m not making that up, either. Ask my mom! She told me that my first word was “baby” and I was so obsessed with them, she got a photo album and filled it with pictures of babies from magazines for me. I would sit there for hours and look at the babies. When other small children would carry their dolls around and throw them down when they were done or kind of be rough with them, I was like a little mommy. I would hold them just like an adult would and I would sing to my baby dolls, kiss their foreheads and gently lay them down. I guess I’m just a baby person…..I’ve always loved them and I’ve always known, without a shadow of a doubt, that I wanted to be a mommy one day.

At the same time, I was around babies and children enough to know that it wouldn’t be the best to have one too young. My mom was a kindergarten teacher and then a daycare teacher and at church, she would volunteer in the nursery and I would help out as much as I was allowed. Some of my nieces also lived with us for years on and off, so I learned the “not so fun” parts of having a baby. I guess that was why in high school when I took Parenting Class, I was the ONLY one in my class that did a paper instead of taking home the crying baby. It was one of those dolls that cried like a baby and you would have to get up and turn the key and hold it. All the other girls were all excited and I said straight out, “No thank you!” I loved babies but I was NOT about to be kept up late taking care of a doll and having to carry it around all the time. So I did this like 5 page paper that was an option. I think the teacher had to come up with it on the spot cause she always offered an alternative but I don’t believe anyone had ever taken it.

I’m 27 now and a lot of my friends MY age already have at least one kid, if not more. I don’t have any yet. It’s not that I don’t want any because I really, really do. Every time a friend asks me when I’m going to have a baby, I’ll play it off and be like, ” Some day” but secretly, I want to scream, “I would love to say I am having one now!” Things don’t always work out like in fairy tales, though. Part of me is afraid to get pregnant because of my weight. I don’t even know if I would be able to anyways. Another part of me doesn’t care and if I ended up pregnant tomorrow, I would be happy and deal with it. It’s safe to say my biological clock has been running for a few years now. And the other day I read in a magazine about how having a baby between 25-30 is the best time and then after that, the odds go down extremely. It scares me to think it might take me too long to get where I need to be, weight wise, to have a baby. Not to mention, what if I am never able to get enough off to have one?

It leaves me depressed. In fact, THIS is a huge issue that keeps me from wanting to go anywhere or do anything which is kind of counter productive. I just get so down about what I CAN’T do because of my weight and then when I tell myself that that should be motivation, it doesn’t work. Nothing seems to motivate me anymore. Sad, but true. I’ve just gotten so tired of failing in the past, that I have gone numb. The will is not there any more.

Tonight, my friend Allison commented that it looked natural when I was holding the baby. Well….it feels natural to me. It always has, to an extent. I mean, there’s a little nervousness there because it’s someone else’s baby and I don’t want them to be afraid that I could drop them or something. Other than that, holding a baby has just always felt right to me. It’s felt like what I was meant to do. I feel this strong maternal urge inside me that tells me that THIS is my true purpose in life. I know that I am meant to be a mother some day. I KNOW that I have that maternal instinct inside me, but when will I get the chance to embrace it?

I know that this is a very personal post and you’re probably wondering why I would share this with the world. Well…why not? This is the REAL me. Why should I hide who I am? I hide myself in real life too often as it is.

{March 18, 2011}   They were all lessons learned

There was a time in my life where I thought I would get to an age where there were fewer lessons to learn. With age comes wisdom, right? So I used to think that the older I got, the less there was to learn. Yet the older I have gotten, the more lessons I have learned. Some were really hard to learn, others simple but there’s been an increasing number of lessons rather than decreasing. Gazing off into my future, I don’t ever see this changing either. I expect to be surprised constantly by the amount of things I don’t understand that I will some day grasp the meaning of.

What’s the biggest lesson you learned so far this year? | The Daily Post at

It’s halfway through the 3rd month of 2011 now. When I read this question at first, I thought to myself, “What HAVE I learned this year?” and at first, it seemed like I have learned nothing. Maybe the biggest lesson I am learning right now is that I actually have learned things this year.

Take a room you see everyday and change one small thing in it. Just one small, unimportant, and seemingly unnoticeable detail. Then watch and see whoever you share your space with as they go through the room. How long does it take them to notice this change? Do they ever?

Sometimes that’s how lessons are for me. I learn one but it’s like someone took a room of my house and placed a paper on the table that wasn’t there before or moved a book to a different spot. I’ll go through days of my life without noticing the change but just because something goes unnoticed doesn’t mean it’s not there. The same goes for lessons. Just because I don’t recognize a lesson I have learned doesn’t mean that there are little changes here and there in my daily life that are from that lesson. I just don’t always pay attention.

Funny that…..I’ve always thought I was good at paying attention to detail. But maybe that’s only when I choose to recognize it.

What’s MY biggest lesson I have learned this year? Well, I would have to say that I have more determination and will inside me than I give myself credit for. I challenged myself to fight my procrastination on January 11, 2011. 1/11/11. I told myself I was going to write EVERYDAY and I also told myself there was no telling myself that I could make excuses. That the voice in the back of my head that likes to linger there and say “You can’t do it, give up”! will cease to exist when it comes to THIS. I asked others Do you think I will be able to? but to myself, I never asked myself if I would be able to. Because there was no question. I was going to do it, Mrs. Procrastinator was going to sit down, shut up, and get out of my way and I refuse to spend even a minute on doubting myself!

And 2 months later, I have NOT missed a day. Am I shocked? Nope. Cause I never once told myself that there was even a possibility that I wouldn’t still be going through with my challenge at this point. There’s no doubt in my mind that I will make it a year either. If the doubt starts to come, I shoo it away like a fly.

So where was this motivation years ago when I wanted it to be there? I have no idea! I suppose it would have been nice to have it there but why spend time regretting that it wasn’t there? I’m embracing the fact that I am overcoming procrastination in this one small part of my life. Do I still procrastinate on other things? Oh yes! Procrastination is a devil with a pitch fork and I am poking it away an inch at a time….Baby steps! Baby steps!

So going forth into my future…..The blog will continue EVERY DAY and I will poke at this devil little by little and keep working on overcoming it. As for other issues in my life…..Well….There’s other lessons to be learned…..

(When I saw this Daily Prompt, I thought of this song by Carrie Underwood…wonderful lyrics!)

Lessons Learned

There’s some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some better endings,
Been some bad times I’ve been through,
Damage I cannot undo.
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don’t really matter,
When life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
And everyday I wondered how I’d get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I’m thankful, for every break in my heart,
I’m grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There’s mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should have taken,
Been some signs I didn’t see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don’t make no difference,
The past can’t be rewritten,
You get the life you’re given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
And everyday I wondered how I’d get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I’m thankful, for every break in my heart,
I’m grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
Are the things that make you strong!
You can’t change the past,
Cause it’s gone.
And you just gotta move on,
Because it’s all
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
From everyday I wondered how I’d get through the night,
From every change, life has thrown me.
I’m thankful, for every break in my heart,
I’m grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.
Lessons learned.

{February 10, 2011}   When Home is no longer a refuge

This is The Real Sharon’s blog….not very many people actually know the REAL me, though. All the posts I have done in the past were indeed, a part of me but there’s still a lot more that I haven’t chosen to share with anyone.

The past couple of days I have done funny blogs because craziness and laughter is so much a part of me. The reason behind my craziness and laughter is not funny at all, though. Difficult times lead people to cover up the hurt by masking the way they really feel. Making people laugh keeps me from having to talk about serious things that hurt me deep. There are a few things in my life I have never written in a private journal or done a blog about. This post is about one of them.

Most people know about how I was made fun of in high school. If you don’t, you can go back and look through the few posts from last year where I talk about it. What they don’t know is that sometimes being at home away from school wasn’t much better.

From the time I was a young child through most of my teen years, I lived with my mom, dad and brother. My brother has been deaf since shortly after his birth. He was 10 years older than me so it was a couple years before my pre-teen years when he started to get interested in alcohol. When he would drink a lot, he would get really silly and crazy. I didn’t know what to think about that, but I would soon learn to prefer that.

The problem came when my brother would get really drunk and want to drive. My parents would then try to hide the keys and tell him no. The once silly drunk would then turn very angry, very violent. He would start picking stuff up and throw it across the room. He would hit on my parents and yell and scream. I was so scared he would hurt himself and/or my parents. I would try to call the cops and my mom would tell me not to cause she didn’t want my brother to go to jail. There were a lot of times where I would hide in my closet and cry and pray to God that he would calm down and fall asleep. That everything would just end. I dreaded the nights I would be awakened at 2 or 3 in the morning with the squealing tires, the yelling, the beeping of horns. That meant my brother was home and he was drunk. That meant the next day I would be going to school tired and depressed about the night before only to get made fun of and threatened. I just felt like my life was just one thing after another of pain.

I remember him hitting the kitchen pantry door so hard, he made a hole in it. The wall by the staircase has a hole covered by a picture now. What made it worse is that I could see the blood from where he hit things so hard, his fists bled. I saw him push my mother down to the ground. I saw my mom cry tears of pain, made worse because this was her only son hurting her. I saw my brother chase my dad through the front yard with a huge knife. I saw my best friend scared to death and crying when she just happened to be spending the night when he got home one night. I was so embarrassed that she saw that and I was also scared for her as well.

I took a Careers class at the high school I went to to finish early. Most of the kids at that school had tried drugs or alcohol before and they were literally dumbfounded that I hadn’t. They seemed to think drinking was cool, but I didn’t. Of course I didn’t think it was cool. When people talk about it being cool, all I can think about is my brother and all the things I saw. They are like flashes in my head, flashing in and out, reminding me.

And it wasn’t just the anger that scared me. My brother overdosed on alcohol a few times and had to have his stomach pumped. He got into an accident once where he ran into a gas pump(can’t remember the exact word for it). His car turned off right after he ran into it. If it hadn’t, he would have died. Knowing that my brother almost died several times due to alcohol scared me to death. When people around me told their drunken stories of passing out and how to them, it was so funny, I couldn’t help but feel anger. Don’t they know what alcohol can do? Don’t they know my brother almost died several times due to it? Don’t they know my brother hurt my mommy and my daddy? Don’t they know my parents could have been severely injured or killed due to my brother thinking it’s FUN to drink?!

There are times still today, I get angry at people thinking it’s fun to drink. I don’t think drinking is something to be taken lightly. I admit that I have drank a few times in my life as an adult, but I honestly don’t care for it much. It doesn’t taste good to me. A hangover is not fun and what’s the point? To me, it’s not worth it. I know a big reason that I will never take drinking as something fun the way others my age do is always going to be because of my past experience. What happened will ALWAYS be in the back of my mind, every second of every day.

My brother is now married and he hasn’t drank in years. It’s been probably a decade since any of this happened and I am so thankful he finally stopped. I hope to God when I have kids someday, I can tell them a part of my story and it will make them NOT want to make the same mistakes he did. I hope this does not become something that is hereditarily passed on.

I know not everyone reacts the same to alcohol but I think everyone that drinks should take a look at the reasons behind it and realize if they’re well founded or not. I don’t want to see anybody I love and those they love lost to alcohol related accidents. I love you all!

Ever since my post on Monday, this quote has been stuck in my head. Stuck on repeat like an old fashioned record that got hung up on the needle. All it did was rain all day on Monday and somewhere in the middle of me thinking about how you have to deal with Monday to get to the weekend and the rain to get to the rainbow, I just had this quote pop in my head. I finally wrote it in my new Thought book last night and I decided I would look it up online and find out where did this quote originate from?

I found out it has been used several times but the place I think it probably originated from first was a poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow called “The Rainy Day”.

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the moldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary. 

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the moldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast
And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

What a beautiful poem! I know there’s a lot of depressing words used in it, but the verse “Behind the clouds is the sun still shining” is such an inspirational verse to me.

“Thy fate is the common fate of all, Into each life some rain must fall”…Such beauty found in such truth. In the midst of all your struggles and hardships in life, you must remember that you’re never alone. To go through difficult times is a common thing, shared by people the whole world over. No one is spared from it. I know there are sometimes where you look at others and their life seems so wonderful, they seem to have it all and nothing bad ever seems to happen to them. I don’t believe that is true, though. Some people are better at hiding the pain and the struggles behind closed doors and the outward exterior looks so beautiful and intriguing and you start to turn green with envy. It’s important to remember that old phrase “Don’t judge a book by its cover” at that moment. Just as a boring cover may hide an incredibly wonderful treasure inside, so must we realize that the most beautiful cover in the world can hide the ugliest, most horrible tales we have ever known.

Into my life and into your life, some rain must fall; sometimes your life can feel like it’s holding so much rain that you will drown in it. Sometimes you may actually feel like you have already drowned and you’re trying to swim back to the top and break through to the surface. I can relate. I’ve been there before and I’m sure I will again, we all have been there or will one day. Sometimes the rain seems like it will never stop, that this journey is endless but it helps to remember, at least for me, that others have been where you’ve been.

Another quote comes to my mind now and I’m not sure where it originated but it correlates well with this post.  “To reach the top of the hill, you have to have made it through the valley”. You can’t skip over the tough stuff and go right to the good. Even if you could, would it be worth it, really? I know at times, I am tempted to say, yes, it would be worth it. The hardships make the good times so much sweeter, though. If life was just great and marvelous 24/7, wouldn’t we take advantage of it? Wouldn’t we forget to be thankful for the good and rejoice over it?

Maybe, just maybe there IS a purpose for everything that happens in our lives. Maybe we are meant to face the rain so that we are better able to appreciate the sun that shines through afterwards.

I have a lot of friends and family that are going through a lot right now and in their lives, more rain is falling than I feel like they deserve in their life but I want them to remember to keep a look out for the sun. The sun is coming to brighten up your cold and dreary days and you are not alone.

My friends and family are MY rainbow after the storm

P.S. A friend of my mother-in-law’s has a son that recently fell down some stairs and he is in really bad shape. He has a wife and 3 kids that love him and from what I have read through posts on Facebook, he is doing good sometimes and then bad again. A friend created a group on Facebook for him and his mother to get more people all over to pray for him and his family but they will also be leaving it open to pray for others as well. I am going add a link on my post for this group and if you believe in praying at all, I hope that you will be led to join this group and add yourself to the many others who are praying for them. I do not know them personally but I feel for them and their family and I would love to help out by spreading the word to bring more prayers for them.

Prayers for Tom & Tammy.

et cetera
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