TheRealSharon's Blog

{January 12, 2013}   Why Must We Judge as if We Know?

This post is from a discussion I had with my husband last week plus many other thoughts that have been in my head for awhile.

Why do we seem to always judge each other as if we KNOW everything simply by looking at them? AND why do people tend to think of certain groups of people as ONE individual instead of many different, unique people?

One of the many reasons I disliked my last doctor I went to was because she seemed to think of me as just another fat person instead of my own self. No, she didn’t ever say that to me in those specific words but other things that were said let me know how I was seen. First of all, I will give you some back story. I’m cursed with both of my parent’s bad foot genes….I have my Mom’s Hammer toes(toes that curl under and after walking or standing for awhile, it feels like you are walking on TOP of them) plus my Dad’s flat feet(which kept my dad from staying in the army cause he could NOT march with them). Besides those traits, I have a rod in my right ankle from a fall I took and had to have surgery on and my weight has NEVER helped with any of these things. Because of my feet problems, even when I weighed the least I ever have since childhood(at 250 pounds) walking on my feet or standing for hours has meant excruciating pain. Now, I understand pain is different for each person, but I would like to think that I am pretty tough. I danced in A.C. Singers concerts only to limp back stage(granted I was taking pain pills to get through!) and I have acted with a 103 fever in a play and I don’t think anyone noticed. So when I tell someone that doing a 9-5 job where I have to stand or walk all day is not the best job for me, I’m not saying that because I am lazy…I am saying it because I know that doing such for a long period of time is not physically possible for me.

So back to my last doctor…When I was seeing her, I was hovering between 360-370 area, extremely depressed but I was willing to work a job if it could be more desk job than a walking or standing one. She (a very skinny woman who has never been overweight) was sure to compare me to her Aunt, which was also heavyset and worked a job where she stood all day. She said that her aunt would end up in pain but she did it cause she needed a job. I have a huge problem with ANYONE comparing me to someone else who is overweight and being told, “They did it so you can do it.” Is that other person exactly me in EVERYTHING? NO! I know my own body and I know what I am or am not capable of. I KNOW that I am stronger than I probably give myself credit for, but not all fat people are the same. Just because someone else can do a 9-5 job on their feet all day doesn’t mean that I am automatically able to. I know people my size who can do splits, but I sure as heck can’t! LOL

And one of my biggest issues with THIS argument is I never hear people telling a skinny person who has problems with her feet or knees that because another skinny person did it, they should be able to, right?!

This now brings me to my second gripe about judging and this has been brought to my attention more because of my Mom. My Mom is older and she has a handicapped hanger in her car and gets a motorized wheelchair in the stores. At least once a week, I will hear gripes from people about someone using a wheelchair that appears to not need it. Well, sometimes it’s warranted if you see a teenager flying around and playing in them BUT sometimes you will see what appears to be a perfectly healthy individual get out of a handicapped car or one of those wheelchairs and you don’t KNOW that they do or don’t need them! There are many illnesses that affect walking around that you can’t physically notice always. Let’s just assume if someone is using either that they really do NEED it and not worry about what others are doing if it doesn’t affect you.

But that IS Human Nature, isn’t it? To judge on preconceived notions and NOT on facts?

Lastly, let me give you something to think about…

I will introduce you to two women, Woman A and Woman B.

Woman A is 25 years old, 5’5″ and weighs 120 pounds.

Woman B is 25 years old, 5’5″ and weighs 230 pounds.

Based on JUST those descriptions, I want you to really think about which person you would honestly pick as the healthiest. REALLY think about it.

Now I’m going to go into more detail on each of these women and see if you change your mind or not!

Woman A is a very lucky woman because she has been born into a family of great genes and she has a super fast metabolism. Which is GREAT for her because she absolutely HATES fruits and vegetables and loves junk food and sweets. She hopes it doesn’t catch up with her but for now, she is loving her figure! She has been smoking since she turned 18 and smokes a pack a day, sometimes two on stress filled days. She parties every weekend and ends up drunk most of the time. Her idea of exercise is dancing at the club on the weekends and going to the beach to show off her tan to worked so hard for back at the tanning salon!

Woman B isn’t quite so lucky. Women in HER family are bigger boned and have to work hard to keep the weight off. So far, she has been able to keep it almost in control because she LOVES her fruits and veggies and only allows herself one naughty food a week! Also, she loves to dance which is why she is signed up to do Zumba three nights a week and in between, she does yoga. She has never touched a cigarette in her life and only drinks on special occasions and never to get drunk. Friends make fun of her super pale skin but she likes it and prefers to stay out of tanning beds and to use sunscreen when out in the sun.

Now…..Which woman looks more healthy? Did you pick the same in the beginning OR did you pick at first that it was simply not enough info.? If so, good for you! And if you picked wrong…maybe you should think about HOW you judge people simply by their looks and if that’s right or not!

{March 11, 2011}   It’s time for some rants!

A lot of these things were on my mind when I did my “Everything but the kitchen sink” post BUT they are all rants basically and I didn’t feel like they quite fit with the tone of that post. So here are some rants that have been bugging me lately.

First of all, today I changed a toilet seat for the first time ever. Who knew it could be so complicated? It seemed simple enough but who knew loosening the screws and then re-tightening screws could be so hard? Darn myself for being a girly girl! Shouldn’t I know how to do this sort of thing?

Also speaking of toilets, you always hear women griping that their husband leaves the toilet seat up. Well, my husband is actually good about putting it down. The problem is he not only puts the lid back down but the very top cover too! Maybe this is his comedic way of saying “Ha ha, now you have to lift the seat as well!” but I find it rather annoying. I mean, yes, it’s better than the alternative and getting stuck IN the toilet but I don’t see how this is a good plan for either of us. How is it easier for him? Just means he will have to lift the seat no matter what, right?!

On to my next rant…We live in an apartment. For the most part, I am happy with it and the landlady is wonderful and nice, the maintenance man is cool and it’s a great apartment overall. Their scheduling leaves something to be desired though. They’ll leave a note saying they’re going to have the water off for a few hours on this day or whatever else they are going to do. That’s nice of them to give us warning because our first apartment didn’t, BUT they seem to schedule in riddles. Example: We got a note earlier this week saying “The water will be turned off between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. on Friday, March 10th.” Ok….I didn’t even look twice. Thursday morning comes….the water is off between those hours. I look at the note again. March 10th IS Thursday but they called Friday March 10th. Part of me thinks they do this sort of thing to cover their butts. This way if you gripe, they can say but we said March 10th…..Why should I be surprised? It’s not a first. They do this constantly. It has to be on purpose, right? Why must they play games with me????

Oh….skipping back to bathroom talk for a second. Have you ever seriously considered carrying toilet paper in your purse? I have. Of course, THEN you would never need it, right? But I guess it’s better safe then sorry.

Rant #5: A friend of my husband’s loves to put me down as a reference whenever he or she decides to take out a loan. Problem? This person never pays the loan back so guess who gets inundated with phone calls? ME.  I blocked my number from telemarketers and I STILL get junk calls because of THIS. UGH!

Rant #6: Whatever happened to platform sandals? Seriously? I could care less if they are not in style. I have always and still loved a platform on sandals. It doesn’t have to be a very big one, but the only sandals I can find nowadays are pretty much completely flat (which hurt my flat feet), have a regular spike heel(which I can no longer wear) or are wedges. Don’t get me wrong, wedges look cute. The problem is, wedges and me don’t get along. It feels as if I am attempting a tight rope walk. Lean your foot too much to the left or the right and a twisted ankle is guaranteed. At least for me. I have a rod in my right ankle and I am clumsy enough. A platform is perfect for me! It covers the same wideness of the bottom of the shoe and doesn’t bother my flat feet. So who do I have to talk to to get them to make them again? : (

And my final rant of the day: One of my wonderfully sweet and beautiful friends on Facebook was asking today about, “Why do you have to be skinny to get married?” cause apparently some people have mentioned losing weight for her wedding. This stereotype angers me more than anything. I remember back before my wedding and seeing all the articles about getting in shape for your wedding, fitting into your dress, and blah blah blah. I think if you want to lose weight for yourself, to be healthy or whatever, then that is fine but too much emphasis is put on being skinny for your day. This is just outrageous to me. I, myself, refused to put that pressure on myself. I met my husband as a big beautiful woman and he loved that about me. He loves my curves and he loves me as a person overall. There are far more important things to worry about on your wedding day. If people are telling you to lose weight, tell them to get lost, I say!  I do not regret not losing weight for my wedding. I still felt beautiful on my day and in my dress and most of that was because I surrounded myself with friends and family who loved ME. Truly loved ME and not physical perfection. I felt beautiful and by feeling that, I think everyone else truly saw beauty.

I know that I, myself, do have an issue with my weight but my weight doesn’t define who I am inside. The people who truly care about me are going to love me no matter what. I would love to eventually lose weight for my health and for myself but I don’t want it to ever be to fit a mold of who the world thinks I should be.

et cetera
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