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Another Rainy Day, sick and just feeling like sleeping the day away…so this Mirthful Monday is dedicated to Rainy Day jokes and cheering everyone else up that might be going through a rainy day like me, either literally or metaphorically. It’s always nice to see a bit of rainbow shining through, isn’t it? 🙂

Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio. “There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared,” the weather report said. “You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets.” Ole said, “Jeez, okay,” and got up from his coffee. The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee. The weather forecast was, “There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets.” Again Ole replied, “Jeez, okay,” and got up from his coffee. Two days later, again they re sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast said, “There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the…” and the power went out and Ole didn’t get the rest of the instructions. He turned to Lena, “Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?” Lena replied, “Aw, Ole, just leave the car in the damned garage today.”

*****
The Indians asked their Chief in autumn, if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared. Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, “Is this winter to be cold?” The man on the phone responded, “This winter was going to be quite cold indeed.” So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, “Is it going to be a VERY cold winter?” “Yes”, the man replied, “it’s going to be a very cold winter.” So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: “Are you absol utely sure, that the winter is going to be very cold?” “Absolutely” the man replies, “the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!”
*****
Q. What’s the difference between weather and climate ? A. You can’t weather a tree, but you can climate !
*****
May you always have work for your hands to do.
May your pockets hold always a coin or two.
May the sun shine bright on your windowpane.
May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend always be near you.
And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you
Joke: Three large men were using one very small umbrella, yet none of them got wet. How?
Answer: It wasn’t raining!
*****
A man gave all of his seven umbrellas for repair at one time and told the shopkeeper he would pick it up in the evening while back from work.On the way to work in Bus, out of habit he grabbed the umbrella of the woman sitting next to him, got up and started walking.The woman started yelled, “Umbrella thief, Umbrella thief.”

The embarrassed guy returned the umbrella and apologized, before getting abused and beaten up by other woman loving passengers.

In the evening he picked up all his umbrellas repaired, put them under his arms and started walking towards home. Unfortunately the morning lady returning from work bumped into him.

The lady commented, “Seems, you had a profitable day at work today.”

Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.-Fran Lebowitz
Most adults, unlike most children, understand the difference between a book that will hold them spellbound for a rainy Sunday afternoon and a book that will put them in touch with a part of themselves they didn’t even know existed.-Mark Haddon
I am ending this post with a bit of nostalgia for me and maybe for you too, if you were a kid of the 80’s…maybe even of the 90’s? Remember the show Reading Rainbow? I used to LOVE that show! Here is the old show opener and theme. 🙂
*Both photos used in this post came from Photobucket*


{January 2, 2012}   Mirthful Monday-LATE Edition

Since I’m posting this at night time, THIS Mirthful Monday is dedicated to being late! I apologize for missing last week’s Mirthful Monday. I was so busy with family and the holidays, it completely slipped my mind until I had already done a post through my phone and I just didn’t have time to do it. Call it Holiday Brain Freeze!

Also, I wish everyone a Happy 2012! 🙂

After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the young lady decided she had been stood up. She changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV.

No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her doorbell rang. There stood her date.

He took one look at her and gasped, “I’m two hours late . . . and you’re still not ready?”

*****

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.

“Boss”, he said, ” The pill actually worked!”

“That’s all fine” said the boss, ” But where were you yesterday?”

*****

TOP TEN EXCUSES FOR BEING LATE TO SCHOOL

1.They’re always ringing the bell before I get there.

2.I saw a sign that read “School Ahead. Go Slow.”, so I did.

3.My watch was set to Tokyo time.

4.I had to feed my pet piranha.

5.My alarm clock kept going off while I was asleep.

6.Sorry–usually my punctuation skills are excellent.

7.I was dreaming about a b-ball game, and it went into overtime.

8.I’M on time–everyone else is early.

9.I told you if i wasn’t here, you should go ahead and start without me.

10.What? I thought this place was open until three thirty!

*****

Teacher: What excuse have you got for being late?
John: (breathlessly) I ran so fast, teacher, that I didn’t have time to think of one

*****

“He was always late on principle, his principle being that punctuality was the thief of time.” -Oscar Wilde

“I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.” E.V. Lucas

Never Too Late
It is never too late to be happy;
It is never too late to smile;
It is never too late to extend a hand
With a cheering word once in a while.
For there’s never a sorrow or worry
In all this green-covered earth
But is followed soon by a gladsome joy
And a generous measure of mirth.
~ Jeanette H. Carey



{December 5, 2011}   Mirthful Monday-Get Well Edition

Due to this lovely cold I have, I decided to do a Mirthful Monday dedicated to adding humor to the allergy and cold season we are in. Thus, I am naming this the Get Well Edition. May others find some get well humor when they are going through allergies, cold, flu, etc.!

Okay, ladies, which is worse—having a cold, or hearing your husband whine when he has one?

One more sneeze like that and it’ll take the Amazing Kreskin to find my contacts.

*****

The patient went to his doctor because he had flu, and the doctor wrote out a prescription for him in his usual illegible writing. The patient put it in his pocket, but forgot to get the tablets from the pharmacy. Every morning, for two years, he showed it to the conductor as a railroad pass. Twice, it got him into the movies, once into the soccer stadium, and once into the symphony. He got a raise at work by showing it as a note from his boss. One day he mislaid it. His daughter picked it up, played it on the piano and won a scholarship to the conservatory of music.

 *****
“My dear doctor, I’m surprised to hear you say that I am coughing very badly, because I have been practicing all night.” John Philpot Curran
Did you hear the story about the germ?
Never Mind. I don’t want it spread all over.
*****

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

“But how will I let you know the baby is born?” she asked.

He replied, “Just send me a postcard and write “spaghetti” on the back. I’ll take care of expenses.” Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by, and then one day the doctor’s wife called him at the office and said, “Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don’t understand what it means.”

The doctor said, “Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.”

Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

So the wife picked up the card and read: “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti – Two with sausage and meatballs; two without.”

*****


Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.

If you are phobic, don’t press anything.

If you are anal retentive, please hold.

*****

If you have a lot of tension and you get headaches,
do what it says on the aspirin bottle:
“Take two and keep away from children.”


An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
An onion a day keeps everyone away.


Support bacteria.
They’re the only culture some people have.

MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY
For the Hillbilly

Artery: The study of fine paintings

Barium: What you do when CPR fails

Cesarean Section: A district in Rome

Colic: A sheep dog

Coma: A punctuation mark

Congenital: Friendly

Dilate: To live long

Fester: Quicker

G.I. Series: Baseball games between teams of soldiers

Hangnail: A coathook

Medical Staff: A doctor’s cane

Minor Operation: Coal digging

Morbid: A higher offer

Nitrate: Lower than the day rate

Node: Was aware of

Organic: Musical

Outpatient: A person who has fainted

Post-operative: A letter carrier

Protein: In favor of young people

Secretion: Hiding anything

Serology: Study of English knighthood

Tablet: A small table

Tumor: An extra pair

Urine: Opposite of you’re out

Varicose veins: Veins which are very close together

*****

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don’t get sick you’re missing half the fun.
— Flip Wilson

The best six doctors anywhere
And no one can deny it
Are sunshine, water, rest, and air
Exercise and diet.
These six will gladly you attend
If only you are willing
Your mind they’ll ease
Your will they’ll mend
And charge you not a shilling.
— Nursery rhyme quoted by Wayne Fields

Warning: Humor may be hazardous to your illness.
— Ellie Katz

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax – tomorrow you’ll be afraid to cough.
— Pearl Williams

I get by with a little help from my friends.
– John Lennon



{October 24, 2011}   Mirthful Monday-Quotes

It’s time for another Mirthful Monday!

This week is dedicated to quotes. Quotes that make you smile and quotes that make you laugh, a little of both and I hope you will see at least a few you have never heard before! 🙂

These next quotes come from a book I own called “Wit & Wisdom of Famous American Women”

Tallulah Bankhead: “I met the most marvelous man. He’d be wonderful for you.”

Peggy Joyce: “Is he my type?”

Tallulah Bankhead: “Sure—-he’s alive and breathing.”

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh—at yourself. -Ethel Barrymore

I have everything I had twenty years ago, only it’s all a little bit lower.-Gypsy Rose Lee

When I want to really blast one, I just loosen my girdle and let ‘er fly.-Babe Didrikson Zaharias

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.-Louisa May Alcott

I’m having trouble managing the mansion. What I need is a wife.-Ella T. Grasso

Censorship, like charity, should begin at home; but unlike charity, it should end there.-Clare Booth Luce

The rest of the quotes were found in various places online.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Erma Bombeck

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.P.J. O’Rourke

Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?Phyllis Diller

I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included. Steven Wright

“Friends are like bras:close to your heart and there for support.”-Unknown

“You know, someone actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said, “Parking Fine”.” Tommy Cooper

“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”-Agatha Christie

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.” – Anonymous

“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers”. – Homer Simpson

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz

“Why is it when we talk to God we’re praying, but when God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic?”
– Lily Tomlin

I saw the movie, ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’ and I was surprised because I didn’t see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they’re crouching and hidden.
~ Steve Martin

“Friends are God’s ways of apologizing for our families.”
~ Anonymous

Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come. William Shakespeare



{May 2, 2011}   Notable Quotables

My mind is running at a million miles an hour at the moment and I’m lacking inspiration for my blog today. All I have seen and heard for the last 24 hours it seems is Osama….here, there and everywhere. Even though he is no longer here. Which I have heard the rumors and conspiracy that he isn’t actually dead. I’m just honestly tired of hearing them at the moment so please spare me your conspiracy theories or political speeches for now. I just would rather not talk about him anymore at the moment….

I’ve decided instead to make a post of quotes. Quotes that I love, some new to me and some old ones that I have just always loved. This will not have ALL the quotes I love in it because that would take up a book possibly, BUT I will share some with you. And if you like, feel free to share your favorite quotes with me! I would love to hear them!

I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I’ve bought a big bat.  I’m all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!
~Dr. Seuss

“I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” -Marilyn Monroe

“Well behaved women rarely make history.” -Also Marilyn Monroe

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.  ~Dr. Seuss

Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.  ~Author Unknown

Friends are God’s apology for relations.  ~Hugh Kingsmill

At the temple, there is a poem called “Loss” carved into the stone. It has three words, but the poet has scratched them out. You cannot read Loss, only feel it.-From the Movie “Memoirs of a Geisha”

“A woman’s like a rose; if you treat her right, she’ll bloom, if you don’t, she’ll wilt.”-Also from “Memoirs of a Geisha”

A true friend reaches for your hand and touches your heart.  ~Attributed to Heather Pryor

“God doesn’t give us what we can handle….God helps us handle what we are given”-Author Unknown

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you.  Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure.  ~Murphy’s Law

You can’t wait for inspiration.  You have to go after it with a club.  ~Jack London
Do I love you because you’re beautiful,
Or are you beautiful because I love you?
~Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II, Cinderella

A bell is no bell ’til you ring it,
A song is no song ’til you sing it,
And love in your heart
Wasn’t put there to stay –
Love isn’t love
‘Til you give it away.
~Oscar Hammerstein, Sound of Music, “You Are Sixteen (Reprise)”

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time.  ~Anne Taylor Fleming
More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.  ~Doug Larson

Never go to bed mad.  Stay up and fight.  ~Phyllis Diller, Phyllis Diller’s Housekeeping Hints, 1966

Without music life would be a mistake.  ~Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Music is what feelings sound like.  ~Author Unknown

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.  ~Victor Hugo

If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say, in a pleasant and hopeful voice, “Well, this isn’t too bad.  I don’t have my left arm anymore, but at least nobody will ever ask me whether I am right-handed or left-handed,” but most of us would say something more along the lines of “Aaaaah! My arm! My arm!”  ~Lemony Snicket

The two rules of procrastination:  1) Do it today.  2) Tomorrow will be today tomorrow.  ~Author Unknown

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.  ~Mark Twain

You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.  ~Frederick Buechner

Sure God created man before woman.  But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.  ~Author Unknown

You see, dear, it is not true that woman was made from man’s rib; she was really made from his funny bone.  ~J.M. Barrie, What Every Woman Knows

It is every man’s obligation to put back into the world at least the equivalent of what he takes out of it.  ~Albert Einstein

When you start treating people like people, they become people.  ~Paul Vitale

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson



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