TheRealSharon's Blog

{July 16, 2013}   No good at being busy

I think I am finally realizing that being busy is not something I can do for a long time and adequately function.  I know back when I was in college, I was luckily enough to have a mother that understood for me to go to college and make good grades, it was dependent upon me having free time in which to do homework, study, and honestly just to breathe.  She didn’t force me to have a job because she knew by doing so, my grades would suffer.  I had friends that worked crazy hours and took a full course of college and somehow they managed.  I was kind of envious, but I also wondered how they REALLY managed without having a nervous breakdown.  During the year, when I was the busiest was when I felt the most stressed and depressed.  I HAD to make time to be alone in my room and read or just do whatever I felt like doing or everything I did suffered. I can look back at the most difficult times in college when things weren’t going so great and pinpoint the main reasons being based on my life being TOO busy.  I can do it for a short time, but after too long, I start making silly mistakes, I get down and depressed and stop believing in myself, I cry for stupid reasons, and I just feel pulled in all directions.

The other day I sensed this feeling and knew that regardless of what others think, sometimes I HAVE  to be selfish and turn down offers to hang out because I just can’t do everything.  Maybe it’s because I am incredibly introverted or maybe it’s just a side effect of depression, but I know I just can’t do busy like some people can.  And I also can’t do spontaneity as well either.  If I decide to do something on the spur of the moment, fine…but if someone else asks me to drop everything and do something, it’s probably not going to happen.  Being spontaneous stresses me out. I’m a planner, not a risk taker. I suck at taking risks and I hate it as well.  Lately, my life has had less of what I consider “free time” and this past weekend, I felt this immensely.  I cried more than I have cried in a long time, and it was just all based on being depressed over stress.  The stress of having less time to myself, the stress of what I want most in my life not being fulfilled, monetary stress…just stress in general.  This is all stress that is on my mind most of the time, but when my life becomes too busy, I stop being able to handle it.  It’s like I forget….

Blogging daily can cause stress a bit when I feel like I don’t have the time, but honestly, my blog is also a therapy for the stress.  As much as I might not WANT to blog sometimes, doing so is a release for me.  Doing THIS post in particular helps.  It helps me get out what I have kept inside.  It helps me realize that I’m me, I’m not the same as anybody else, and I can’t be and do everything that everyone else does.  I just have to do me with no apology.  If I turn an invite down sometime, understand that it’s not based on the inviter, but simply on needing time to breathe.  For some people, hanging out with other people, going to the store, etc. can be reinvigorating. For me, it sucks all my energy and makes me feel incredibly exhausted.  Maybe I need more ME time to survive, but that’s me.  At the end of the day, I got to be me. 🙂

{January 1, 2013}   New Year, New Goals


May this year bring you all happiness, hope, love….everything you need! 🙂

If you haven’t read my posts a lot in the past, you may not know about my dislike for the word, “Resolution”. I guess it’s because I’ve heard people all my life make these New Years Resolutions and then hardly any of them ever keep them. After awhile, I have just come to equate resolutions with silly promises people make because everyone else is making them but you really have no plans to see them to fruition. Maybe I’m being crazy but this just gives me a sort of phobia about using the word. Therefore, I prefer to call them goals for the year. The word “Goal” holds more meaning for me and part of that is because I have followed through with “goals” before and met them.

My first goal for 2013 is to blog at least ONCE a day, everyday. I did this in 2011 so I KNOW this is possible for me to do. I want to get back into a regular routine with blogging AND I also have family and friends that miss my daily blogging. For some of them, I think it makes me seem closer even when I’m far away. It’s almost like a diary of my life cause my blog is definitely personal but I sometimes pop in a short story or poem…you never know! 😉

My second goal is something I’ve been working on since July 20th and that is to continue with my weight loss. I would like to see myself get down to at least 250 pounds this year so once I hit my below 300 goal, I will change my next goal to be losing 50 pounds in 2013. I feel like I can possibly lose even more but at some point, I KNOW this plateau is coming where I will get stuck so I want to be realistic but still push myself.

My third goal involves reading and I have participated in a challenge in both 2011 AND 2012 and completed them. Well, in 2012, I completed my goal of 100 months ago so I reamped it to 150 and sadly, I am going to fall short of that change by about 5 books. 😦 BUT that’s OK cause I met my original goal and got darn close to the second one! Which is why my reading challenge goal for 2013 will be 150 books! Do you think I can do it? You can follow my progress on Goodreads! 🙂

AND my fourth and final goal IS a totally new to me and my blog BUT should be fun and easy. I want to watch 50 movies I’ve never seen before this year! To be honest, I probably already do this anyways so why not keep track? All my blog followers will be able to see what I watch this year as well cause I’m going to add a page on to my blog where I will list each movie(that’s new to me) and give a little rating of 1 to 5 stars. Now just so I don’t get hate mail over this, please understand that the rating will be totally MY opinion and I’m definitely no film expert! What I like may NOT be what you like and vice versa. It will be all in fun!

So there’s my four goals that I’m super duper excited about and I can’t wait to see what 2013 will bring! Stay tuned! 🙂 Oh and HAPPY NEW YEARS again!

et cetera
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