TheRealSharon's Blog

Last week, I saw ALL this advertising about the Royal Wedding and I told myself, “I’m so tired of hearing about THIS, I can’t wait for it to be over and I am NOT interested in watching the wedding.” It seemed a lot of people were very interested and NOT just the British, which I could understand why THEY would be. While I was setting up my DVR to record stuff at the beginning of this week, I found myself scheduling the “Highlights from the Wedding”, which would record AFTER it. I told myself that was just to see what the big deal was and I could just fast forward past it or delete if it was too incredibly boring. BUT I was not going to record the wedding and I was not going to get up early to watch it or stay up for it. There was no way!

As the week went on, my will started to crumble a bit and I wondered how I could even be entertaining one thought of watching it. Why would I be interested in such rubbish, really? I even considered doing a blog talking about how tired I was of hearing about the wedding and how I couldn’t wait for it all to be over. But then I started seeing more glimpses here and there of things and I started to get pulled in. I tried hard to not be interested, I really did! I told myself I was obviously being hypnotized by something and I needed to resist the allure. Then my husband’s mom started talking about staying up to watch Princess Diana’s wedding and how it was such a historical and beautiful event. Well…I was 3 years away from being thought of by my parents when Princess Diana had HER wedding so suffice it to say, I didn’t have the issue of whether to watch or not to watch their wedding.

But it started to wear on me….All the talk of it being so historical and the idea of a royal not marrying  commoner in over 350 years….Would I possibly one day regret it IF I didn’t watch? Could it possibly be this huge event that was so amazing that I would be sad I missed it? I gave in and hit the scheduler on my DVR….I would record the pre-wedding and wedding BUT I would not watch it live. I would just watch it later and skip through the boring parts. At least that’s what I told myself. But sometimes you shock yourself….and now I feel almost ashamed that I was pulled in.

I started watching the pre-show 30 minutes into the recording… was recording on my DVR and I just couldn’t resist the wait. I watched as guest after guest arrived at the royal event and I was in awe of the fashion. Apparently British women LOVE hats! Who would have thought? I have never seen so many hats in my life and there were some huge, strange ones at that! I came to discover these peculiar hats were known as “fascinators”? Well….I can definitely understand that! They WERE fascinating to say the least…although some of them made me sorry for the unlucky few who would be seated behind them. You come to see a royal wedding and instead you are stuck with seeing a humongous hat! That would not amuse me very much….

In between the guests arriving, I found myself fast forwarding so I could get closer to the actual wedding. By the time it got to Kate stepping into the car in her wedding dress, I was only about 10 minutes behind LIVE time. I watched as she got in her car to the wedding and admired her beauty. She truly is a beautiful woman and that dress was gorgeous. Interestingly enough, I didn’t feel any jealousy over her beauty, though. I almost thought I would, but even though my own wedding was NOTHING compared to the royal wedding, I STILL think of mine as beautiful and wonderful in its own right.

I really enjoyed seeing the differences in a British wedding and an American one, though. I think it was a learning experience and intriguing. I had 4 bridesmaids that were closer to my age, one maid of honor and 2 little girl flower girls…along with 4 groomsmen, 1 best man and 2 little boy ring bearers on the guy side. This wedding had 4 little girls under the age of 11 as bridesmaids…what a concept! and 2 little Pageboys(which I had never heard of). Kate’s younger sister was the maid of honor in a very, dare I say, sexy white dress. My jaw actually dropped when I saw her sister….wow! She was gorgeous too! And wearing white?! I had always heard that ONLY the bride was to wear white. How different! And here the groom and the best man are adorned in suits or tux but they had uniforms on. I really felt like I was gaining education in British ways but without the stodgy classroom feel, you know?

I LOVED the fact that William didn’t see Kate until she got to the altar LITERALLY. And I loved the look on his face when he saw her. It was such a beautiful ceremony and different than anything I had ever seen. I actually teared up a bit…but I’m an emotional girl anyways! I do admit to fast forwarding through all the hymns and speeches after the vows…UNTIL I caught up to LIVE time and was forced to just deal with that part. It was the longest ceremony I have ever seen but I am sure there are longer ones out there. When they walked off to sign the registry, I was left curious wondering what that was all about. And after they walked out and left for the palace without the standard American, “You may kiss the bride” sealed with a kiss…I thought for sure a kiss MUST have happened behind the scenes while they signed the registry. Hmmm…But they deserved to have that bit of privacy so it will be their little secret.

I continued watching as the crowd of close to a million (WOW!) awaited the kiss on the balcony. For a minute, I was under the impression that this was the tradition for thousands of years until they told the background story of it all starting with Princess Diana and Prince Charles. Let’s just hope that Kate and William’s marriage takes a much different turn!

By the time the TV broadcasting was over, I almost wanted to follow them through the upcoming parties and see how lavish the events were. I had seen so much that I had never seen before and I was intrigued to see more! But then I thought back to my own wedding day and I thought about how I would have felt if cameras were following me all day. And I realized that I wouldn’t want them to continue following me. I would want to be able to relax with those closest to me and really enjoy the moment. But I can see how people can get caught up in everything and want to know MORE. Always more, more, more, you know?

So I gave in….I acted like an obsessed royal wedding watcher and I surprised myself. Why? As an American, I think I was just curious to see what all the hubbub was about. And as I started watching, I was bewitched by the differences of weddings in the UK versus the US. I was intrigued to keep watching and learning from the experience. And OK…I became interested in what the super secret wedding dress would look like.

Also, there was just something about the idea that someone NOT born of royalty could dream of becoming a princess and actually have that happen. Every little girl dreams of being a princess….maybe not ALL, but a majority of them. Heck, I got married in a castle…so I would be lying if I said I never wanted to be a princess as a little girl. Even though the odds of someone actually becoming one are about a gazillion to one…this was a case where it happened and the allure of that drew me in. I became one of the zombies drawn in by the wedding.

BUT I lasted until a couple days before the wedding BEFORE I got drawn in. Does that count for something?

Now that’s it’s all over, I am off to my very UN-royal and boring life but it was fun getting to float away to make believe land for a little while. So don’t hate on me too much, all you wedding bashers….Sometimes you just surprise even yourself……

{April 25, 2011}   Weekly Photo Challenge:ONE

When I think of ONE, I think of how there’s no other word I can think of to describe being solo or alONE and yet at the same time also describe being united or including everyONE. The word “One” can be described as the loneliest number when you are speaking of just ONE person or an individual but when you are speaking in terms of us all being “Unified as ONE”, it suddenly becomes not so lonely anymore….

I also think of marriage because what better example of unity? Marriage involves 2 people coming together as one. The two are still separate beings with their own personalities but they are agreeing to become one couple, united in love and trust. I didn’t take this picture obviously but it was the first picture I thought of for this challenge.

Our first kiss as husband and wife-2 become ONE

This wonderful picture was taken by my husband’s step mom who is an awesome photographer, brilliant writer and sweet woman all around. 🙂

When I think of ONE, I also think of how just ONE person can make a difference. I think that is so true, just look around you and see the wonders around you that were created by ONE person. All our inventions and cures for illnesses….Of course, this world we live in was created by ONE person. God.

When you think of ONE in that way,  I could pick almost any picture and attribute it as fitting to this challenge. But here are some other pictures I have taken that I found fitting.

One solitary moth

One kitty free with your purchase of kitty litter?

One stop sign that failed to stop a hurricane 😦

One optical illusion

One curled up puppy named Angel

I consider myself old fashioned as a wife in a lot of ways. Part of the reason is because I was brought up by parents that were very old fashioned themselves. Since my parents had me when they were 40 and 44 years old, I guess it kind of makes sense.

I don’t believe in the “only women should cook and clean” idea, though. My dad has always been the one who washed dishes in our house as a matter of fact and he cooks for himself some. I try to get my husband to do the same and it’s apparent that he doesn’t like the idea of washing dishes…Go figure.

Before marriage, my husband, just like many men, like to spend the nights over at a friend’s house just hanging out and having fun. I frequently informed him that once he was married this was going to stop. Every one knows the man stays home with his wife and gives up partying and spending the night over at friends, right?

So much for that idea. For awhile, he stuck with that but soon, he started asking occasionally to spend the night at a friend’s house. Well, this hurt my feelings, quite honestly. Is he bored of me already? What am I doing wrong that he wants time away from me? And underneath all of that was this strong view that a married man doesn’t spend the night over at a friend’s house. Going over and visiting a friend for awhile is fine but spending the night? That’s just not proper! It’s not the way I was taught and I didn’t see anyone else that was allowing it so it must be wrong and I have to stand up against it!

As time went on in our marriage, I eventually gave in. Mostly because he wouldn’t quit pestering me about it and it got to the point where I felt like a mom saying No to a child instead of a wife to a husband. Also, my husband being bi-polar, he goes through a manic phase where he wants to just go, go, go. I am a homebody and I always have been. I try hard to be more outgoing but it’s not my nature. I came to realize that trying to make my outgoing husband be a homebody was the same as trying to change MYSELF to be more outgoing. You can’t change your nature. So I gave in and let him some.

BUT…I still felt like it was not proper. It was just not right and if I told other wives, their jaws would be sure to drop and the gossip would start flowing. And man, do I hate gossip! I didn’t want people to start rumors about my husband possibly doing things he shouldn’t be doing. I love my husband and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he LOVES me. We may argue, fuss and fight but I have never felt more SURE of a man in my life. I never thought years ago that it was possible to be so sure that a man would never cheat on you and would never leave you. I now can say that it IS possible. I don’t have even a smidgen of doubt in my head about that. I know it’s probably rather cheesy to say that, but it’s 100% the truth.

This July will be our 2 yr. anniversary and I’m starting to reconsider my old fashioned view point on this matter. While I do miss him when he’s away for the night and oft times find it harder to sleep if he’s not there next to me, I manage. I’m not the only wife that has to sleep alone at times. Mine might be for a different reason but it’s only a night whereas some wives have to go much, much longer. I can always reach him by phone and if I truly NEED him, I know he will come home and be there by my side.

I think sometimes it’s good for us, though. Honestly, the little bit of time he’s away has been a good time to have quiet time. I can clean up, read a book without feeling like I’m neglecting my spouse, work on my blog without interruptions, or do whatever I choose to. It almost feels like the freedom of the single days but I still have that comfort in knowing I have someone who loves me and is thinking about me all the time. How do I know? I have had his friends that he spends time with tell me how much he talks about me constantly. In fact, I had one of his female friends he ghost hunts with tell me she could only hope that her man talks as sweetly of her when she’s away as mine does of me.

This makes me smile. It’s reassurance of what I already knew. So maybe letting my husband spend the night with a friend every once in awhile is not exactly “proper”, but there’s all types of marriages now a days and we can make our own rules. Honesty and trust are the most important parts of a relationship and giving my husband his freedom to do this is my way of saying I trust him completely.

So here’s a toast to Trust and Modern Thinking from an Old Fashioned Wife!      (Except I’ll be toasting with juice!)

{April 15, 2011}   A Weekend in Review, Part 2

This is a continuation of Wednesday’s post:  My Weekend in Review « TheRealSharon’s Blog.

My post left off on Saturday afternoon but I’m going to have to backtrack to Friday night again. I was reminded by my husband of a very interesting and important thing I left out. On Friday night, just as I was about to go to sleep and rest up from a long, hard day, I got a phone call from my spouse. He called to inform me that he had lost our house key. He had no idea where or how it came off the key chain but it was gone. He swore up and down that he had looked everywhere and searched the car through, yet no key. He was stuck locked out of the apartment and the spare key we had was in the apartment somewhere. My mom has an extra key but we were over 2 hours away and the maintenance at our apt. refuse to do lock outs at night. So what did he want? He wanted to try to pay a locksmith to come unlock our doors…..Well, neither of us are rich so I told him to wait until the morning so they could come unlock it. He wasn’t having it so I told him to call a good friend of ours. When all was said and done, he had a friend break in to the apartment for us through the bedroom window. Unfortunately, there are 2 cracks in the window now, but our landlady told us it was fine until we decide to move out in the future. At that time, we will have to buy a new window. ~Sighs~ Not fun, but I guess we will worry about it then.

But as a side note….my dad cleaned my car out for me on Monday and found the keys. Tsk tsk…..

Now for another rabbit hole. I used our hotel’s shampoo/conditioner Friday night and my hair has never curled so pretty or been smoother. Which is more impressive because Houston has hard water! It’s a White Tea Aloe shampoo that’s supposed to restore balance and they only sell it on the Westin store site for $12 for a 7 oz. So…if anyone knows of where I can find a White Tea Aloe shampoo anywhere else for a lot cheaper, I would love to know!

Back to Saturday…Me and my mom headed back to the skate rink area where we watched one person after the other fall on their butts and tried to hold in laughter. Is this wrong? Maybe it is, but at the same time, you won’t see me out there….If I fell down, I would be saying, “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” You might laugh, but I am dead serious. Ice Skating falls under the category of dangerous activities for me.

We looked around a few places, which was rather annoying because they really don’t think about people in wheelchairs when they make stores! They should really fix this…even at our local Wal-mart store, they barely have enough room for carts, much less the wheelchairs. If you have never had the misfortune to use a wheelchair yourself or push someone in one, maybe you have never noticed. Sometimes I think everyone should be required to go a week or two of their life stuck in a wheelchair. Just to have the experience and realize how hard it is. Back when I broke my fibula and detached my deltoid ligament, I was stuck in one for 3 months. Me and crutches would be like me and ice skates. I just don’t have good balance at all. During that time, I really saw life from the perspective of people who are in wheelchairs all the time and honestly? It sucked. Sorry for the language, but it did. The thing that sucked most about it was the disrespect for people in them and how rude people are.

I saw this a lot at the Galleria mall. I also want to say I DID meet more nice people than I expected and thank God for those sweet people who were willing to give up a minute of their time to hold a door or elevator. Does it really hurt you to do so? You MAY be in the same place one day.

One incident really irked me with the elevator. These kids were all dressed up for either prom or quinceneara. They were waiting outside of the handicapped elevator by the escalators and then it was me, my mom and this lady with a stroller. When the SLOW elevator finally opened up, everyone got in and I started to push my mom in. The young kids were closest to the door and they saw me coming with my mom, yet none of them tried to hold the door. It started closing on her wheelchair and I moved my hand quick enough and stopped it. One of those girls was like, “Oh, I’m sorry”…and I very sarcastically replied, “Yea….it’s ok.” I’m sure she could sense my sarcasm and my frustration. One day those kids will be elderly and may end up in a wheelchair themselves. Will it take them that long to understand?

Sunday was our last meeting and then we headed off to see about checking out. There were 5 elevators for the hotel and a long line waiting for them. There were other ways to get to the other floors and all I wanted to do was drop my mom off on the bottom floor while I fetched all our bags. There were escalators down but I couldn’t exactly get a wheelchair down them. Me and my mom easily waited 20-30 minutes for an elevator. It wasn’t that none were available cause some would open up but they were either all full or people would be exiting and no one would hold the door before it closed again!

UGH! People became very selfish about pushing their way on to the elevators and I got really upset. There were tears cried and I hate doing that in public. It hurt though…..I knew my mom was feeling bad and guilty like it was her fault that we couldn’t get down to the 2nd floor. She kept offering to try to go down the escalator. I was tired from the weekend, not feeling good and ready to get out of there. And most of all, I was just very disheartened by mankind and how selfish they can be at times. I just felt like all the good people had deserted us. Finally, some people helped us get on one and I was able to drop her off in the lobby, go fetch our bags, run them to the car in the parking garage, check out and then push her to the car. When all was said and done, I was truthfully exhausted both physically and emotionally. I just had to take a deep breath and relax.

Traffic was virtually nonexistent for Houston and we found our way out of there quickly. By the time I got home that afternoon, I literally laid down and took a 3 hr. nap. It felt good too! It was a loooooong weekend for me and it had its good and bad times.

Now it’s the following Friday and my mom had knee replacement surgery Tuesday. She was already at 90% bend on the 2nd day and her therapist literally said she was a freak of nature! She is at my Nanny’s house now for a while until she can get around good. Knowing her, it won’t be too long, she is stubborn and I truly believe she is a Super Mom! My mom is 67 years young and has been through a lot but she is such a strong woman. Thanks for everyone who prayed for her! Please continue to because they obviously worked!

Here’s to the end of another long post. Who knew one weekend would have so much to talk about? And I probably still forgot things, but oh well!

Another view from balcony


Zoomed in view from the balcony of our hotel room

{March 31, 2011}   Not again! I’m speechless…

Well, it was great while it lasted…I have gone longer than I thought possible of myself without running out of things to say. I knew it would eventually come….a blog writer’s block. I have no clue what to say today, I feel like all the words in my head have been relocated to a dumpster that now resides somewhere I have yet to find. If anyone else comes across a huge file of papers that are labeled, “The real Sharon’s words for her blog”, please notify me immediately so I can figure out how to get them back to me as soon as possible!

I guess I really shouldn’t be so down on myself for losing my words. I have had some of the longest blogs I have ever done this past week. I suppose it’s really no wonder that my words were exhausted and just got up and abandoned me. They probably need a vacation, right?

For some reason I have the song, “When you say nothing at all”, stuck on repeat in my head. Well…when the song states, “You say it best when you say nothing at all”….I seriously doubt that goes for ALL situations. I especially doubt that it goes for blog writing. Somehow writing nothing at all for a day on my blog doesn’t seem like it would be saying anything “best”. But I see how it works for love. Being a married couple, there are times where my spouse’s actions show his love far more than any words he could speak aloud.

But maybe that’s because my husband is notorious for the “I love you” dice. What does that mean, you say? Whenever we argue about ANYTHING and I am obviously upset, sometimes even angry, he likes to roll the invisible dice I call the “I love you” dice. This means he gives this sweet little puppy dog look and utters those 3 magical words….I love you. UGH! How can 3 little words be so, be so, be so…..grrr…..I love you, too!….I always seem to voice right back to him and usually with this aggravated look on my face and teeth clenched. Why does he think “I love you” can just solve everything? That it can end every fight?!

It’s really infuriating at times because it takes me right out of the middle of the argument we are having and I just lose all focus on what we were fighting about in the first place….Hmmm…..I think he must know that. How clever he thinks he is! But he is wrong…he can’t just stop the argument THAT easy! Roll your dice, mister and then the green light is back on…..but wait…..Who put the yellow light on?! Yep, you guessed it…the dumb dice went and knocked my green light down to a yellow light…..the fight has now lost its stamina and we are surely on the road to compromise city.

~Sighs~ Apparently my speechlessness has hit a rabbit trail….What’s that, you say? Speechlessness is not a word? Oh well…I created it, ok?!

Apparently some of my words stayed with me after all….or at least some of them decided I couldn’t survive if they all left. Maybe just some of them are on a timeshare….you think that’s possible?

{March 13, 2011}   Date night with the husband

I had a great night last night. Me and my husband stayed up ALL night just like we were back in high school and watched SIX movies in a row. I’m not going to list them all out but my two favorites of the night were the first one, Marmaduke and the 4th one, Death at a Funeral.

Marmaduke because it was just so darn cute and funny and who can resist a silly, clumsy dog who can talk? Not to mention that unlike in Marley & Me, I didn’t cry my eyes out at the end. I love a happy ending, don’t you??

Death at a Funeral was just beyond hilarious. I haven’t laughed so much while watching a movie in forever. I’m surprised I didn’t fall to the floor, loling. I have a friend that had told me it was funny so I knew it was going to be, but oh my! It was a laugh riot! If you haven’t seen it, it is a must see! There are some inappropriate scenes though so parental guidance if you have kids.

Anyways, it was a fun night that made me feel like I was a teenager again and I was being naughty by staying up all night. Left me feeling a little tired today and I finally succumbed to sleep around noon but only slept for about 4-5 hrs. and woke up. Maybe I will be tired at a decent time tonight, who knows?

It was worth it though. It didn’t cost any money cause it was movies that were DVR’d and it was some good quality time that we haven’t had together in awhile. A nice change from the norm. We have been married for about 1 year and 8 months now so I guess we are still kind of newlyweds. I never quite felt the stereotypical newlywed feel though. I think even before we were married, me and my husband were like the “old” married couple type. We argue and bicker and it might not be the most typical relationship, but what is normal, really? In total we have been together as a couple for over 3 years and we still say “I love you” over 100 times daily EVERY day. The words never get old to me. Even when we fight and he will say “I love you” to try to make it better and I will utter a grumpy “I love you” back, it’s still the truth and from my heart. I love my crazy man. He can be a real baby at times, not clean up after himself A LOT, irritate me until I want to scream, drive me crazy enough sometimes until I want to commit myself but if someone asked me if I regret marrying him? NOPE. No regrets. We are perfect for each other, maybe more than people can even see. The real me is not exactly perfect….I can also be a baby at times and be messy and drive people crazy. We all have our faults. To the people who told me that after I got married, I would learn more than I wanted to know about my husband, be grossed out and possibly wish I got myself out of the mess…After all, living with someone teaches you a lot you didn’t know and it may be hard to deal with. You’re right BUT you’re also wrong. I learned more about my husband but none of it has really shocked or surprised me all that much. I haven’t ducked my tail between my legs and ran yet. (Forget the fact that I don’t literally have a tail….)

~sighs~ I still love him as much as I did when I first fell in love with him, if not more.

Oh and I had a special text when I awoke from my nap. It said I was the best “dission” he had made in his life. Dission meaning Decision…..I think the text was cuter because of the misspelling. I am a stickler for typos, my hubby makes them ten fold but hey, opposites attract.

I didn’t know what else to title this since I have a lot of different things on my mind. And they all vary from one thing to the other, so they literally include everything BUT the kitchen sink.

First of all, my 20 yr. old niece got married today. I knew she was planning to today but when I saw the announcement on Facebook that she was married, I cried. They were happy tears though mixed with a little bit of sadness that I couldn’t be there to see her get married. I would have loved to be there. Sure, I know she is having a big ceremony in December and I hope to God, I get to be there, but there’s a part of me that longed to be there for the small Justice of the Peace ceremony. Last time I saw her was at my wedding. She was one of my bridesmaids and she was my single niece. The next time I see her, it will be as a married woman. It’s very surreal. There’s also a part of me that aches for her because I know that soon she will be having to face being married and not having him there for a time. As a married woman myself now, I can’t imagine what that is going to be like.

For most of my life before I was married, I slept in a bed alone. Not an uncommon thing, of course. Although at times in my 20’s, I would dream of having someone to cuddle beside me and be there to protect me, sleeping alone was the norm. It didn’t bother me. Now, if my husband isn’t beside me at night, I find it hard to sleep. It just doesn’t feel right. I feel lonely, vulnerable and unprotected. I can’t remember what it felt like to NOT have him there all the time. So my heart aches for my niece because I don’t think I could do it. But maybe that’s why God didn’t put me with someone in the Marines, Army, Navy, etc. Maybe he KNEW I wouldn’t be able to handle it. So God must also believe she can. And from what I know of my niece, she IS strong. All of my nieces are. Stronger than me, for sure. I feel so weak sometimes and dependent on everybody else. But they’re not. They’re better women than me.

Also on my mind is earlier today. My husband woke up early for an interview. I stayed asleep. When he got back, he decided to pester me and try to wake me up. I hate being told to wake up. I get very ornery and angry when I am told to wake up. He wouldn’t quit pestering me so I yelled at him and called him names. I said very hurtful, mean things that I didn’t mean. I guess it was just my way of getting him to leave me alone so I could steal a few more winks. But it was wrong of me and now I feel horrible about it. I hate how when you get angry, you say things you don’t mean. I hate how this part of me comes out that people rarely see. It’s not who I want to be, it’s not who I really am. So I am saying publicly on my blog, I’m sorry to my husband. I am sorry for saying mean things to you today. I’m sorry for hurting you and making you feel less of a person. I’m sorry and I love you.

I believe somewhere I have said this before and others have too, but whoever said “I love you means never having to say,”I’m sorry” obviously didn’t really know what love is about. I love you means saying you’re sorry when you do something wrong that justifies apologizing. Just cause you love someone dearly doesn’t mean you’re never going to hurt them. We tend to hurt the ones we love the most.

I had other things in my mind but they just don’t seem to fit in this post along with what has already been said. So I guess I will end this post by saying again how much I love you, Chad (my husband) and also saying congratulations to the new Mrs. and Mr. Chaffins! 🙂 I wish you the best of luck again in your future and may your marriage be truly blessed by God! Much love and happiness to you!

And if there’s anyone close to you who you have hurt lately, take the time to tell them you’re sorry and let them know how you feel. Don’t wait because you never know when it may be too late.

{February 23, 2010}   To wait or not to wait

Recently,  I asked for people’s opinions on Facebook on how long a couple should wait after they are married to start a family. There were a lot of standard answers I have heard over and over and surprisingly, some new takes on the subject that were nice to hear. My main reason I asked the question was just to find out, honestly, what people have to say about this topic, people from all walks of life. I didn’t get as many responses as I would have liked but I appreciate all the ones that did respond.

If there’s one thing I learned from the responses and from just people throughout my life, it’s the simple fact that whatever question you ask, there will be many answers and not necessarily a right or wrong one. Whether you should wait a few years or start right away, most people agree that more than anything, it’s a personal decision and it just depends on the couple.

Now I will confess to my ulterior motives toward asking for everyone’s opinions. Before I got married a little over 7 months ago, I was advised, actually more like URGED to wait 5 yrs. before me and Chad have kids.  The person who advised me was my brother-in-law who married us(there’s no reason not to state that) and his reasons that he explained to us were that me and Chad should take the time to get to know each other well, become financially stable; all the standard reasons one would give you. They both waited 5 yrs. before they had their first child and they found it a good idea to do.

Well, my reaction was this: “I turn 26 right after our wedding…If I wait 5 yrs., I will be almost 31!…I do not want to have my first child at 31.” Which of course, he still urged me I should wait. But the thing is my sister married him at a young enough age to where she had her first child at the age I now am, 26….so all I can think about is how unfair that I am expected to wait 5 yrs. myself.  I am the last one out of my best friends that are around my age to be married…All of those same friends already have kids. Every year since I became an adult, I have looked at all the younger people getting married and I was sad…Sad because they were lucky enough to find that special somebody so young and then of course, they were able to start their families.

My first word as a baby WAS baby. I loved babies so much that my mom said the only book I cared about as a baby was a book she made that had nothing but pictures of babies. I treated my baby dolls like real babies, carrying them around gently, singing to them, and kissing their little foreheads. As soon as I was old enough to get out of the church nursery, I didn’t leave it, I stayed in there and helped with the other babies. And as an adult, I would annoy everyone every time I saw a baby wherever we went with my awwwww’s and my staring. I believe it is safe to say that I adore babies and my biggest wish more than anything else has always been to have a child of my own.

Fast forward to July 19th, 2008 when my now husband proposed to me. All I could think about was that it was finally happening, it’s MY turn to have that day that every little girl dreams about. I will get to walk down that aisle wearing a beautiful dress and marry a man that loves me unconditionally, just the way I am. Everyone right away started asking for the date, when would we get hitched? There were a lot of dates thrown out for September, November, the beginning of the next year, but I wanted to pick a really special date. When I came to the decision to pick July 19th, 2009, it wasn’t JUST the fact that it was exactly a year to the day he proposed; it was also the fact that even though I had waited years for this day, I wanted to take it slow and really enjoy being engaged. I put off my dream for a year and I didn’t have to, no one told me I had to; it was entirely my choice.

Surprise, surprise, I am not pregnant yet and that decision is not based on anyone else and what they have to say.  I have decided to wait at this moment because of the possibility of having lap band surgery. I obviously can’t get it done if I already was pregnant and I believe for my health that I should try to have that done and lose some weight with it first. After it is done, I am able to get pregnant and just have it adjusted during the pregnancy; afterwards it will be adjusted back with minimal difficulty. After I have lost what I feel is an adequate amount for my health, I have no intentions of preventing what I have wanted for so long. Me and Chad are ready to start a family when I decide to, I love children and I have a lot of love to give. More love that what my big body can hold and I want to give that to a child. We will NOT be waiting 5 years unless God chooses to make us wait because I believe he knows best for me and Chad and if he chooses to bless us with one before that point then it’s what’s meant to be.

There are many people out there who have rushed into having babies and they are still together years later while there are some that crashed and burned because of that. There are some that waited 10 years and still broke up. I don’t think that a certain time limit matters as much as simply being mentally and emotionally ready and being true to your vows. I believe whatever happens that I will be willing to do whatever takes to keep my marriage alive. If it means counseling and praying, I am willing to do that and I believe Chad is too. I know marriage is hard and bringing children into it can make it harder but I believe if both people are willing to do whatever it takes and truly love each other that they can do it.

I am not into partying, I have a degree I am proud of, and a strong idea of what I want my future to be like. I feel like I still have room to grow but I also feel like even at 30 or 40 I will still need to grow. If you don’t have ANY growing left to do, then why are you still here, right?

In closing, I noticed many parents have told me that they had their child at a young age and looking back on it, they wished they had waited a little while to grow up some more or waited in their marriage a little longer. Yet, in all these cases, every woman said that regardless of the age, they loved their children and wouldn’t trade them for the world. And isn’t that the main thing after all? Just the simple fact that even if you regret starting so young, the overall outcome of the situation is something you could never, ever regret.

{February 6, 2010}   A new start

So this is me….This is the place I can put all my thoughts, ideas and emotions that are constantly running through my head.

Believe me, there have been a lot…Apparently, getting married does not lessen the thoughts either, not that I ever thought it would, I just never imagined that at this point in my life, I would be starting my own blog. And now that I sit here at my computer, typing away, looking at all these new technical aspects of blogging, I feel overwhelmed. BUT I have to keep typing because for the past few days, all these words have been running through my head saying sit down and write me down! It almost feels like my head will explode if I don’t do a blog and start telling my thoughts……

I have to admit something here…Ever since I was younger, I have felt overlooked. Obviously, I was there, walking around right in front of everyone, but yet I felt even when a person was listening to me, they were never really hearing me, truly getting what I was saying. I guess me blogging is a way for me to maybe get people to listen…..Listen to the real me that has always been there under this outward facade, but no one is really seeing me….they are only seeing this outward appearance that doesn’t define who I am, it just masks it.

Does everyone grow up wanting strongly to just be heard? To feel that they are important? That they truly matter in the big scheme of things? Sometimes I feel that I want this so much that if I am not heard, I will die one day with all these words wasted and flowing out of me as my last tear drops fall…..                  Did I mention I hate writing?….Yea, physically writing with a pen or pencil just drives me insane…..but something about typing on a keyboard feels like a great big release. Yet I know that getting my words out on paper or even in this blog will probably look like one great, big mess to you….I will never pretend to be a skilled, literary writer. My blogs may look just plain sloppy, but then again, maybe something in my thoughts will get out there to someone….maybe it will inspire, maybe it will make someone think, maybe it will just pass the time….whichever way it reads, I hope no matter what, that for once in my life I, Sharon Lynn Lane Hughes, can make myself heard.

et cetera
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