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{March 18, 2011}   They were all lessons learned

There was a time in my life where I thought I would get to an age where there were fewer lessons to learn. With age comes wisdom, right? So I used to think that the older I got, the less there was to learn. Yet the older I have gotten, the more lessons I have learned. Some were really hard to learn, others simple but there’s been an increasing number of lessons rather than decreasing. Gazing off into my future, I don’t ever see this changing either. I expect to be surprised constantly by the amount of things I don’t understand that I will some day grasp the meaning of.

What’s the biggest lesson you learned so far this year? | The Daily Post at WordPress.com.

It’s halfway through the 3rd month of 2011 now. When I read this question at first, I thought to myself, “What HAVE I learned this year?” and at first, it seemed like I have learned nothing. Maybe the biggest lesson I am learning right now is that I actually have learned things this year.

Take a room you see everyday and change one small thing in it. Just one small, unimportant, and seemingly unnoticeable detail. Then watch and see whoever you share your space with as they go through the room. How long does it take them to notice this change? Do they ever?

Sometimes that’s how lessons are for me. I learn one but it’s like someone took a room of my house and placed a paper on the table that wasn’t there before or moved a book to a different spot. I’ll go through days of my life without noticing the change but just because something goes unnoticed doesn’t mean it’s not there. The same goes for lessons. Just because I don’t recognize a lesson I have learned doesn’t mean that there are little changes here and there in my daily life that are from that lesson. I just don’t always pay attention.

Funny that…..I’ve always thought I was good at paying attention to detail. But maybe that’s only when I choose to recognize it.

What’s MY biggest lesson I have learned this year? Well, I would have to say that I have more determination and will inside me than I give myself credit for. I challenged myself to fight my procrastination on January 11, 2011. 1/11/11. I told myself I was going to write EVERYDAY and I also told myself there was no telling myself that I could make excuses. That the voice in the back of my head that likes to linger there and say “You can’t do it, give up”! will cease to exist when it comes to THIS. I asked others Do you think I will be able to? but to myself, I never asked myself if I would be able to. Because there was no question. I was going to do it, Mrs. Procrastinator was going to sit down, shut up, and get out of my way and I refuse to spend even a minute on doubting myself!

And 2 months later, I have NOT missed a day. Am I shocked? Nope. Cause I never once told myself that there was even a possibility that I wouldn’t still be going through with my challenge at this point. There’s no doubt in my mind that I will make it a year either. If the doubt starts to come, I shoo it away like a fly.

So where was this motivation years ago when I wanted it to be there? I have no idea! I suppose it would have been nice to have it there but why spend time regretting that it wasn’t there? I’m embracing the fact that I am overcoming procrastination in this one small part of my life. Do I still procrastinate on other things? Oh yes! Procrastination is a devil with a pitch fork and I am poking it away an inch at a time….Baby steps! Baby steps!

So going forth into my future…..The blog will continue EVERY DAY and I will poke at this devil little by little and keep working on overcoming it. As for other issues in my life…..Well….There’s other lessons to be learned…..

(When I saw this Daily Prompt, I thought of this song by Carrie Underwood…wonderful lyrics!)

Lessons Learned

There’s some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some better endings,
Been some bad times I’ve been through,
Damage I cannot undo.
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don’t really matter,
When life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
And everyday I wondered how I’d get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I’m thankful, for every break in my heart,
I’m grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There’s mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should have taken,
Been some signs I didn’t see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don’t make no difference,
The past can’t be rewritten,
You get the life you’re given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
And everyday I wondered how I’d get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I’m thankful, for every break in my heart,
I’m grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
Are the things that make you strong!
You can’t change the past,
Cause it’s gone.
And you just gotta move on,
Because it’s all
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
From everyday I wondered how I’d get through the night,
From every change, life has thrown me.
I’m thankful, for every break in my heart,
I’m grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.
Lessons learned.



{February 13, 2010}   A high school outsider

This is a poem I came up with that shows a little of what I felt in high school.

So this is high school, what all the kids talk about,

This is where they say I’ll have the best moments of my life,

Apparently, my future will be tragic,

Cause all high school has brought me is sorrow and strife.

Halfway through the year, I make one good friend,

Thank God for her or I’d be lost,

I dread the days when we have different lunches,

I’d rather not eat at all than sit all alone in that hall,

Full of the cliques always laughing and staring,

My stomach feels all jumbled up and tossed.

I wonder what they would feel like if they knew what it was like to be me,

Made fun of, laughed at, threatened day by day,

It’s not that it’s all in secret, it’s in front of all their eyes,

I guess they just don’t care or are afraid to speak up,

What they don’t understand is they’re not that different from me.

I listen to the same music, like the same shows,

Obsess over the same guys as they do,

I wish to dress like all the stars, but clothes are expensive and hard to find in my size,

I have beautiful curly hair but it’s so kinky, it’s an afro,

And these glasses don’t do much for my reputation in your eyes.

Most of all aren’t so bad, you just completely ignore me,

At least you’re not like some of the guys, they just seem out to destroy me.

They do it in the worst way you could possibly hurt me,

They sling words like massive stones, humiliate and revert me

Back into something I’ve tried so long not to be,

That little girl afraid to be herself, she longs to break free,

But I sit in this shell, not quite sure how I got here,

Wasn’t I hatched long ago?, How did the pieces get put back here?!

Instead of exiting the shell, I feel it closing in on me,

Every time I poke my head out, there’s always YOU looking down at me,

Telling me I’m not good enough, I’m ugly, I’m fat,

No one will ever love you, Stay just where you’re at,

I don’t care what’s inside you, longing to get out,

Your outer exterior is all I care about.

So I stayed home, crying, all alone in my room,

I refused to go to that prison that you call school,

What do I learn there, anyway? Except how to hate,

There’s only so much a poor girl can take.

(Just wrote this, first poem I have written in a LONG time, I know it’s rough….But everything in this poem is how I felt back then and I still remember it very vividly. I got kicked out of high school for missing too many days, the teachers were told it was migraines, but it wasn’t. I was picked on mercilessly, by one boy, in particular, more than others and everyone said to just ignore it….It went on right in front of everyone’s eyes and no one did anything about it because his parents were on the school board. I was told to just ignore it and I tried very hard, but the more I tried to ignore it, the more he would put his face right up next to mine and yell at me, call me horrible names, and threaten to kill me…..even in front of teachers and the teachers can say they didn’t see it, but they know they did. One time, I even hit him hard on the head in class with our textbook, teacher saw that to, and I didn’t get in trouble…..he deserved it…but he kept doing it. People saw me crying and no one came to my rescue….not sure why. I just know that before I came here to Lufkin, I was very outgoing, had a nice group of friends, stuck up for myself and others and after high school, I was left very reclusive and it took a long time for me to come out of my shell and I still have some damage from this. I hate wearing glasses cause it makes me relive my past….I hate being fat cause it brings back memories…..

I just wanted to share this with everyone and please teach your kids to be nice to others and if you see another kid being picked on, even just a nice word their way will help.

There’s a song by a Christian group called Superchick that everyone should listen to….I cried the first time I heard it and still do now…I can so relate…here are the lyrics:

HERO By: Superchick
No one sits with him, he doesn’t fit in,
But we feel like we do when we make fun of him,
‘Cause you want to belong, do you go along?
‘Cause his pain is the price paid for you to belong
It’s not like you hate him or want him to die,
But maybe he goes home and thinks suicide,
Or he comes back to school with a gun at his side,
Any kindness from you might have saved his life…

TAG: Heroes are made when you make a choice…
CHORUS:
You could be a hero,
Heroes do what’s right,
You could be a hero,
You might save a life,
You could be a hero, you could join the fight,
For what’s right, for what’s right, for what’s right…

No one talks to her, she feels so alone,
She’s in too much pain to survive on her own,
The hurt she can’t handle overflows to a knife,
She writes on her arm, wants to give up her life,
Each day she goes on is a day that she is brave,
Fighting the lie that giving up is the way,
Each moment of courage her own life she saves,
When she throws the pills out, a hero is made…

TAG/CHORUS

No one talks to him about how he lives,
He thinks that the choices he makes are just his,
Doesn’t know he’s a leader with the way he behaves,
And others will follow the choices he’s made,
He lives on the edge, he’s old enough to decide,
His brother who wants to be him is just nine,
He can do what he wants because it’s his right,
The choices he makes change a nine-year-old’s life…

TAG/CHORUS

Little Mikey-Dee was the one in class
Who everyday got brutally harassed
This went on for years
Till he decided that never again would he shed another tear
So he walked through the door
And grabbed the .44 out of his father’s dresser drawer
He said ‘I can’t take life no more’
And like that a life can be lost
But this ain’t even about that
All of us just sat back and watched it happen
Thinking its not our responsibility
To solve a problem that isn’t even about me
This is our problem.
This is just one of the daily scenarios
In which we choose to close our eyes
Instead of doing the right thing
If we make a choice and be the voice
For those who won’t speak up for themselves
How many lives would be saved, changed, rearranged?
Now it’s our time to pick a side.
So don’t keep walking by not wanting to intervene,
Cause you just want to exist and never be seen.
So lets wake up, change the world
Our time is now.

You could be a hero – (Our time is now) heroes do what’s right
You could be a hero – (Our time is now) you might save a life
You could be a hero – (Our time is now) you could join the fight
For what’s right, for what’s ri-ight…



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