TheRealSharon's Blog











Ever wanted to know if the way you talk is more Northern, Southern or just a standard United States speak? Well, I invite you to take this fun quiz and find out! The Yankee or Dixie Quiz!¬†My result was 57% Dixie OR Barely in Dixie….I have lived in Texas all my life by the way, but most of my responses were common for all of U.S. or Northern more than Southern…which I believe goes to show you, that it’s not always where you were born that determines how you speak.

I was actually so intrigued by the results that I went ahead and took the Advanced version. You can find the link at the bottom of the first Quiz if you choose to do so too! This one put me at 30% Dixie….my Southern friends and family are probably feeling betrayed about now…I’m sorry! ūüė¶

Here are some funny texts I found on a very funny site called When Parents Text. ūüôā

  • DAD:¬†What‚Äôs the cupid shuffle?
  • ME:¬†A line dance, kind of like the cha cha slide.
  • DAD:¬†¬†Never heard of it but they‚Äôre doing it.
  • ME:¬†¬†You joining in?
  • DAD:¬†¬†No not me. ¬†I‚Äôm not a line dancer. ¬†I‚Äôm always out of line.
  • MOM:¬†I also want a cat that will attack dad when he falls asleep and starts snoring in the living room.
  • ME:¬†Or maybe just an airhorn.
  • MOM:¬†I DO have one of those. A cat would be funnier because he could not get mad at me then.
  • ME:¬†Maybe a cat that can blow an airhorn?
  • MOM:¬†We may be onto something.
  • MOM:¬†A cat that drives a mini semi truck with an airhorn.
  • MOM:¬†Looks like I need to find a remote control semi and an unsuspecting cat.
  • DAD:¬†What are you doing?
  • ME:¬†I‚Äôm at Grandma‚Äôs house. What do you need?
  • DAD:¬†I want cookies. Chocolate chip. Get them for me. I will pay.
  • ME:¬†Ask mom.
  • DAD:¬†I did. She won‚Äôt. Says no. Get cookies please.
  • ME:¬†I will on my way home.
  • (10 minutes later)
  • DAD:¬†Nevermind. Mom found texts. NO COOKIES! ABORT MISSION!
  • MOM:¬†Do you want waffles or muffins for breakfast? Just text ‚ÄúA1‚ÄĚ for waffles or ‚ÄúB1‚ÄĚ for muffins.
  • ME:¬†Why did you go through all that trouble? Why can‚Äôt I just text ‚Äúwaffles‚ÄĚ or ‚Äúmuffins‚ÄĚ?
  • MOM:¬†We are texting in code! ;););) ūüôā
  • ME:¬†Waffles
  • MOM:¬†A1 or B1?
  • ME:¬†WAFFLES
  • MOM:¬†Sooo‚ĶA1?
  • ME:¬†Mom. Yes.
  • MOM:¬†I think I would rather have muffins. I‚Äôm making muffins
  • ME:¬†Lady Gaga arrived in an egg.
  • MOM:¬†Don‚Äôt we all?
The site has a book that just was released called “When Parents Text: A Daily Does of Hilarity”. I SO want that book….Bet you’re not surprised there, are you?
Another site with funny sayings is Overheard Everywhere. There are links to Overheard in New York, The Beach, The Office AND Celebrity Wit at the top of the page as well. Here  is one of the Most Popular Quotes from their page.

We’ll Get You a Milk and an Epi Pen and Let’s See What Unfolds

Five-year-old in cafeteria during kindergarten lunchtime: Mr. Greg, my mom didn’t put juice in my lunch. Can I get a drink from the cafeteria?
Mr. Greg: Sure, I’ll get you something. You want milk?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: Regular white milk or chocolate?
Five-year-old: Chocolate.
Mr. Greg: Okay. You’re not allergic to chocolate, are you?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: You are? Oh, then I’ll get you white milk. Are you allergic to white milk?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: Oh, then I’d better see if they have juice.
(Mr. Greg goes into the kitchen and comes back with orange juice)
Mr. Greg: Here’s some orange juice. You’re not allergic to orange juice, are you?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: Do you know what “allergic” means?
Five-year-old: No.

Elementary School
Los Angeles, California



You know those little forwards you sometimes get from friends? Well, my mom is the queen of forwarding me things! Sometimes I want to shake my head at her(like when she sends the infamous Bill Gates will give you money! forward….and then I have to tell her it’s just spam. But sometimes she sends me some pretty funny stuff that brings a smile to my face. Today I have decided to share some of the funnies my Mom has sent me. I hope you get a good laugh or two from these! ūüôā

Norwegian Math Test

A Norwegian fella wants a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes a little math test.

Here is your first question, the foreman said. ¬†‘Without using numbers, represent the number 9.’

‘Without numbers?’ ¬†The Norwegian says, ‘Dat’s easy.’ and proceeds to draw three trees.

‘What’s this?’ the boss asks.

‘Vot! you got no brain? ¬†Tree and tree and tree make nine,’ says the Norwegian.

‘Fair enough,’ says the boss. ¬†‘Here’s your second question. ¬†Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.’

The Norwegian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. ‘Dar ya go.’

The boss scratches his head and says, ‘How on earth do you get that to represent 99?’

‘Each of da trees is dirty now. ¬†So, it’s dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. ¬†Dat is 99.’
The boss is getting worried that he’s going to actually have to hire this Norwegian, so he says, ‘All right, last question.
Same rules again, but represent the number 100.’

The Norwegian fella stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, ‘Dar ya go. ¬†Von hundred.’

The boss looks at the attempt. ¬†‘You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!’

The Norwegian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, ‘A little dog come along and pooped by each tree. ¬†¬†So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, vich makes von hundred.’
‘So, ven do I start?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren’t they just stale bread to begin with?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? ?

What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together, it spells

‘THEIRS’?

The Cowboy and The Congressman

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote Mountainous pasture in
California
.
When suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud
of dust.


¬†The¬†driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses¬†and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell¬†you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you¬†Give me a calf?”

Bud¬†¬†looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully¬†grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”¬†

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and
surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location
which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and
exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany

  Within seconds,
he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected
Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally,¬†he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,¬†miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You¬†have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

¬†“That’s¬†right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Bud.¬†

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on
with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then¬†Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly
what¬†your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

The young
man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”¬†

“You’re¬†a Congressman for the U.S. Government”, says Bud.
¬†¬†“Wow!¬†That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

¬†“No¬†guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here
even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked.
You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are;
and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living – or¬†about cows, for that matter.

This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my

dog.

GED TEST
The following questions were set in last year’s GED examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)…………and they WILL breed.
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegarQ. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large  pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeistsQ. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinentalQ. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature deathQ. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cowQ. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U..
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lieQ. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A. NearbyQ. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in RomeQ. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellasQ. Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
Maybe I will do another post one day with some more funny stuff in it…this was just a teeny tiny bit of it and it cracked me up all over again sharing it! ūüôā


Blame it on me having a lazy day, procrastinating OR the fact that I am an April Fool’s avoider…..which ever fits your fancy, if you will BUT I am doing my post late again. It was quite a shocker to see I had so many views today before I had even posted anything…then I stopped to consider maybe more people viewed my blog to play an April Fool’s Joke on me…..So if you did, thanks for viewing me anyways.

I’m not a HUGE fan of April Fool’s. Not really sure why, it’s not like I have ever been really scarred by an April Fool’s joke…well, there was one time that upset me but other than that ONE time, nothing. I guess I just stay away from the day as much as possible because I find it hard to believe anyone on this day. I just KNOW someone is going to tell me some HUGE news followed by the words, April Fools! Oh, joy! But then it’s not as if the world stops on this day either, right? So someone MAY actually have some big news but how would you ever believe them, right? Especially if they may have used the same thing before as a joke and now it’s real…..kind of like “crying wolf”, I guess you could say.

I consider myself a very honest person. I like to be blatantly honest with people as much as possible. I know sometimes it can be hard to say something without hurting people, so I also believe in tact and telling someone something they need to know as politely and kind as possible. That can be hard but I try to think of situations that I, myself, have gone through where the truth was hidden as not to hurt. When the truth finally got out, it was ten times worse not so much because of the truth itself but for the fact that the truth was concealed for so long. I believe the truth is always better than a lie.

And when admitting wrong, it’s better to confess the wrong then to lie about it. If you’ve already done something wrong, why compound it by doing another sin, and lying? Two wrongs don’t make a right!

Anyways, back on the April Fool’s track…..A few years ago or so, I had a family member(names not mentioned for anonymity) play an April Fool’s joke on me gone wrong. Horribly wrong…. This family member decided to pretend that they had been in a car wreck and were at the hospital…..and sent me a text about it pretending to be the mom of this person. Well..I freaked out and then realized it was April Fool’s. I am over analytical at times, though and my over thinking caused me trouble. I started to think…”But just because it’s April Fool’s doesn’t mean things like this don’t happen, right?! And who would joke about something like THIS?” So I texted back and asked if it was true and if said person was ok…..and no reply. So my head was swimming with morbid thoughts of my family member being in danger of death or something. I figured if it HAD been a joke, she would have texted back immediately. Well…let’s just say, texts don’t always go through!

So I called her number, no response! I called “the mom” of the family member, no response!, I left a text on the mom’s phone and no response…..so with tears flowing from my eyes, I called MY mom. My mom had no idea what was going on and she tried to call people, to no avail….Pretty soon, my mom, dad, AND grandma knew and we were freaking out! We had even started to make plans to go out of town to check out this family member. When we finally heard from the mom, she freaked out at first herself because she knew nothing of the text and was worried something HAD happened to her child. Well….we found it was just an April Fool’s and the party in question got a stern talking to. At that point, I was relieved it WAS a joke because that meant she was alright but I was also very angry ¬†because I didn’t find it funny! At the same time, I felt guilty for being angry about it being a joke because I knew I should be happy it wasn’t true. So my whole April Fool’s Day was just a big emotional mess that year. Turns out, she had sent it to friends also but THEY had all received a message afterwards saying April Fool’s. I did NOT get that message due to a probable phone failure or something. She was in school so she didn’t get my messages until much later….her mom was working and didn’t get them until hours later.

So after that whole debacle, I found myself wondering, What if something like that were to really happen NOW? How would I know if it’s the truth?

I guess knowing my emotional, crazy self, I will probably assume it’s the truth first until I am proven wrong. The family member in question was young at the time and I have forgiven her but I have to say, when I think back to that day, it still upsets me a little. She is forgiven completely but I think the idea upsets me. Everyone out there needs to realize that pranking about something like that should NOT happen, and most definitely not through a text or something with a follow-up that might not arrive like you want it to. I have no problem with the little “I’m married, I’m pregnant,I won the lottery” and all the fun, silly jokes….but keep the morbidity out of it!

When you take a day meant to be FUN and make it SAD and SCARY, that’s not cool. If something BAD does ever happen to you on an April Fool’s, you shouldn’t ever have to stop and think, Is it just a joke? At least that’s how I feel….What do you think?



{February 26, 2011}   A laugh to end a sick day

Yep…you guessed it. I am still sick.

Thought I would post some jokes to cheer myself and others up. Here you go!

MORNING SICKNESS

The neighbor dropped in on a friend and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee; her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.

“What’s wrong Marge ?” she asked.

Marge told her that she had “morning sickness.”

Surprised, the neighbor said, “I didn’t even know you were pregnant!”

“I’m not.” the harried young woman replied. “I’m just ¬†sick of mornings.”

COMPARING CHILDHOOD SURGERIES

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?”

The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”

The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a breeze!”

The second kid then asks, “What are you here for?”

The first kid says, “A circumcision.”

The second kid says, “Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn’t walk for a year!”

BLONDE DETECTIVE TRAINING

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”

The first blonde answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”

The policeman says, “Well…uh…that’s because the picture shows his profile.”

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!”

The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it’s a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?” He quickly adds” . . . think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “Hmmmm . . . the suspect wears contact lenses.”

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. “Well, that’s an interesting answer . . . wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.”

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. “Wow! I can’t believe it…it’s TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?”

“That’s easy,” the blonde replied. “He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.

(I might try a few of these techniques in this next one!)

HOW TO DEAL WITH TELEMARKETERS

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, “How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?”

2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “Why do you want to know?” Or you can say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one seems
to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . .” When they try to get back to the sales process, just continue on with telling about your problems.

3. If the person says he’s Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, ask him to spell his name, then ask him to spell the company name, then ask where it is located. Continue asking personal questions or questions about the company for as long as necessary.

4. This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: “Hi, my name is Judy and I’m with Canter and Siegel services….
You: “Hang on a second.” (few seconds pause) “Okay, (in a really husky voice) what are
you wearing?”

5. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, “Judy!! Is this really you? I can’t believe it! Judy, how have you
BEEN?” Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the heck she could know you from.

6. Say, “No,” over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they’re trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, “I don’t have any friends . . . would you be my friend?”

8. If they clean rugs: “Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood – chicken blood too?”

9. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional “Uh-huh, really, or, “That’s fascinating.” Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. They get all flustered, but just tell them you couldn’t give your credit card number to someone who’s a complete stranger.

10. Tell them you work for the same company they work for.
Example: Telemarketer: “This is Bill from Watertronics.”
You: “Watertronics!! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?”
Telemarketer: “Uh, Dallas, Texas.” You: “Great, they have a group there too? How’s business/the weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling to employees! Oh well, see ya.”

11. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy and if they will give you their phone number you will call them back. If they say they are not allowed to give out their number, then ask them for their home number and tell them you will call them at home (this is usually the most effective method of getting rid of Telemarketers). If the person says, “Well, I don’t really want to get a call at home,” say, “Yeah! Now you know how I feel.” (smiling, of course…)

And now for the last one: One I have heard a few times but still funny AND true!

COMPUTER BUSINESS

Actual dialog of a former Wordperfect Customer Support employee:
“Wordperfect Customer Support; may I help you?”
“Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”
“What sort of trouble?”
“Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”
“Went away?”
“They disappeared.”
“Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.”
“Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?”
“How do I tell?”
“Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?”
“What’s a sea-prompt?”
“Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?”
“There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.”
“Does your monitor have a power indicator?”
“What’s a monitor?”
“It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
“Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.”
“Yes, it is.”
“When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?”
“No.”
“Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.”
“Okay, here it is.”
“Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.”
“I can’t reach.”
“Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?”
“No.”
“Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?”
“Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle-it’s because it’s dark.”
“Dark?”
“Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.”
“Well, turn on the office light then.”
“I can’t.”
“No? Why not?”
“Because there’s a power outage.”
“A power… A power outage? Aha! Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?”
“Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.”
“Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.”
“Really? Is it that bad?”
“Yes, I’m afraid it is.”
“Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?”
“Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer.”

HAVE A NICE DAY!!!!!!



{February 20, 2011}   Does God have a sense of humor?

Today in my “Women’s Book of Confidence” was about Heeding Physical Clues. In other words, trying to figure out what your body is trying to tell you when it’s hurting or sick. But the only thing going through my mind at the moment is that my life is freaking me out with how everything is fitting together. How strange is it to be reading about this NOW when I was feeling sick yesterday and I feel I may possibly be either suffering from allergies again or getting another cold/flu. UGH! I hate coughing and I am not sure what my body is telling me to do other than to maybe take some medicines and rest? Any ideas? Anyone?

How incredibly boring my life feels right now. How can I write exciting posts when my life is anything but? ~Sniffle sniffle~ Don’t worry…I’m not crying, it’s just allergies. Why is life so cruel to make me allergic to where I live? I am allergic to Pine trees and I live in a part of Texas known as the PINEywoods. Is that cruelly ironic or what? ¬†I really believe that God has a very strange sense of humor indeed.

Here’s some evidence for you:

A man: God, how much is a million dollars to you?
God: It is but a penny.
A man: God, how long is a million years to you?
God: It is but a second.
A man: God, could you please give me a penny?
God: Sure, just a second.

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone brother

2. He liked Gospel

3. He didn’t get a fair trial

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father’s business

2. He lived at home until he was 33

3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with His hands

2. He had wine with His meals

3. He used olive oil

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut His hair

2. He walked around barefoot all the time

3. He started a new religion

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:

1. He was at peace with nature

2. He ate a lot of fish

3. He talked about the Great Spirit

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married..

2. He was always telling stories.

3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all – 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment’s notice when there was virtually no food

2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn’t get it

 

3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do

Ok,ok…those were obviously 2 jokes and NOT actual evidence but hey, it made me laugh and hopefully it will make you laugh. I believe in God and I am a Christian but I also believe there’s nothing wrong with a little Christian humor, if done in good taste.

*Note: These jokes came from the Internet, not from me.*



{January 19, 2011}   Title Unknown

Don’t you just LOVE my blog title? So creative, don’t you think? About as creative as I feel right now….I have literally sat at the computer doing stuff on FB, looking at my old blogs on Myspace, searching online for at least an hour…all for something, anything to give me ideas and nothing….How is that possible? As many things in this world that I could talk about, yet I feel like someone has used that mind erase thing from Men in Black on me…Whoever did that, thanks a lot….Still blogging something today though because I’m challenging myself to blog everyday!

In 2 days, I will be off to Austin for the weekend to celebrate my niece Grace’s 16th birthday, although her birthday was on the 8th…For those of you that don’t know, my niece is in FFA and she has a goat and a sheep that she takes care of everyday and shows at contests. Hmm…I don’t know how you could be that committed to taking care of your goat and sheep…She obviously loves it and enjoys it. It makes my challenge of blogging everyday seem easy when I think of how many hours a day she puts in to taking care of those animals.

I will be posting a blog for Friday sometime in the morning before I leave and since you can set the blog to publish a post at a later date or time, I will have one ready to post on Saturday. Is that technically cheating? ¬†I will only be doing it this way just in case I am unable to use a computer on Saturday to post a blog….If I AM able to post, then I may do an extra blog that I actually did that blog just so I don’t feel like a cheater because I really want to prove to myself that I can do this. My Sunday post will come when I come home from Austin Sunday afternoon or evening….so never fear, I will not break my promise of blogging everyday!….Not sure how many people actually read my blog everyday and care but for those of you that do read, Thank you so much for taking time away from your day to read anything I have to say….Some days like today may feel like an utter waste of time but I’ll make it up to you eventually!

Oh and I was wondering who would be interested in me posting a few old poems or bits of old blogs I have done back from Myspace or writings? If anyone is interested, let me know and I will try to post some “antiques” of mine every once in awhile. ūüôā

Here’s a joke I posted on my Myspace blog way back in 2006:

There’s this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “if I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!” Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had “fallen”. 

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, “you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen.” The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, “I don’t know what you’re laughing about, Your wife fell three times this week.”



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