TheRealSharon's Blog











{January 12, 2013}   Why Must We Judge as if We Know?

This post is from a discussion I had with my husband last week plus many other thoughts that have been in my head for awhile.

Why do we seem to always judge each other as if we KNOW everything simply by looking at them? AND why do people tend to think of certain groups of people as ONE individual instead of many different, unique people?

One of the many reasons I disliked my last doctor I went to was because she seemed to think of me as just another fat person instead of my own self. No, she didn’t ever say that to me in those specific words but other things that were said let me know how I was seen. First of all, I will give you some back story. I’m cursed with both of my parent’s bad foot genes….I have my Mom’s Hammer toes(toes that curl under and after walking or standing for awhile, it feels like you are walking on TOP of them) plus my Dad’s flat feet(which kept my dad from staying in the army cause he could NOT march with them). Besides those traits, I have a rod in my right ankle from a fall I took and had to have surgery on and my weight has NEVER helped with any of these things. Because of my feet problems, even when I weighed the least I ever have since childhood(at 250 pounds) walking on my feet or standing for hours has meant excruciating pain. Now, I understand pain is different for each person, but I would like to think that I am pretty tough. I danced in A.C. Singers concerts only to limp back stage(granted I was taking pain pills to get through!) and I have acted with a 103 fever in a play and I don’t think anyone noticed. So when I tell someone that doing a 9-5 job where I have to stand or walk all day is not the best job for me, I’m not saying that because I am lazy…I am saying it because I know that doing such for a long period of time is not physically possible for me.

So back to my last doctor…When I was seeing her, I was hovering between 360-370 area, extremely depressed but I was willing to work a job if it could be more desk job than a walking or standing one. She (a very skinny woman who has never been overweight) was sure to compare me to her Aunt, which was also heavyset and worked a job where she stood all day. She said that her aunt would end up in pain but she did it cause she needed a job. I have a huge problem with ANYONE comparing me to someone else who is overweight and being told, “They did it so you can do it.” Is that other person exactly me in EVERYTHING? NO! I know my own body and I know what I am or am not capable of. I KNOW that I am stronger than I probably give myself credit for, but not all fat people are the same. Just because someone else can do a 9-5 job on their feet all day doesn’t mean that I am automatically able to. I know people my size who can do splits, but I sure as heck can’t! LOL

And one of my biggest issues with THIS argument is I never hear people telling a skinny person who has problems with her feet or knees that because another skinny person did it, they should be able to, right?!

This now brings me to my second gripe about judging and this has been brought to my attention more because of my Mom. My Mom is older and she has a handicapped hanger in her car and gets a motorized wheelchair in the stores. At least once a week, I will hear gripes from people about someone using a wheelchair that appears to not need it. Well, sometimes it’s warranted if you see a teenager flying around and playing in them BUT sometimes you will see what appears to be a perfectly healthy individual get out of a handicapped car or one of those wheelchairs and you don’t KNOW that they do or don’t need them! There are many illnesses that affect walking around that you can’t physically notice always. Let’s just assume if someone is using either that they really do NEED it and not worry about what others are doing if it doesn’t affect you.

But that IS Human Nature, isn’t it? To judge on preconceived notions and NOT on facts?

Lastly, let me give you something to think about…

I will introduce you to two women, Woman A and Woman B.

Woman A is 25 years old, 5’5″ and weighs 120 pounds.

Woman B is 25 years old, 5’5″ and weighs 230 pounds.

Based on JUST those descriptions, I want you to really think about which person you would honestly pick as the healthiest. REALLY think about it.

Now I’m going to go into more detail on each of these women and see if you change your mind or not!

Woman A is a very lucky woman because she has been born into a family of great genes and she has a super fast metabolism. Which is GREAT for her because she absolutely HATES fruits and vegetables and loves junk food and sweets. She hopes it doesn’t catch up with her but for now, she is loving her figure! She has been smoking since she turned 18 and smokes a pack a day, sometimes two on stress filled days. She parties every weekend and ends up drunk most of the time. Her idea of exercise is dancing at the club on the weekends and going to the beach to show off her tan to worked so hard for back at the tanning salon!

Woman B isn’t quite so lucky. Women in HER family are bigger boned and have to work hard to keep the weight off. So far, she has been able to keep it almost in control because she LOVES her fruits and veggies and only allows herself one naughty food a week! Also, she loves to dance which is why she is signed up to do Zumba three nights a week and in between, she does yoga. She has never touched a cigarette in her life and only drinks on special occasions and never to get drunk. Friends make fun of her super pale skin but she likes it and prefers to stay out of tanning beds and to use sunscreen when out in the sun.

Now…..Which woman looks more healthy? Did you pick the same in the beginning OR did you pick at first that it was simply not enough info.? If so, good for you! And if you picked wrong…maybe you should think about HOW you judge people simply by their looks and if that’s right or not!



{August 29, 2011}   A Plus Sized Rant

I remember always being a little chubby as I was growing up. My two older sisters were a normal weight and so was my brother. My dad was always a healthy weight but my mom was a little chunkier after she started having kids, but never obese. My mom cooked meals for me just as she did when my siblings were young. She cooked healthy, well balanced meals that I was required to finish before I left the table or had desert. I never liked sweets that much anyway, so I never had a so called “sweet tooth”. I played dolls and danced around to music all the time and I played outside quite a bit. My brother had an Atari and later a Nintendo but I don’t remember ever playing any of that until my teen years probably and even then, not a whole lot. I was a normal kid in the 80’s, just a little bit chubby, not really fat and definitely not obese.

I remember getting sick with a virus or something right before 5th grade when I was 9 and dropping about 25 pounds in no time. I still wasn’t skinny but I definitely wasn’t fat then. Later that year, I ended up meeting an older girl who was what you would consider fat or overweight, but that sort of thing didn’t matter to me. I was friendly and would be friends with whoever was a nice person. I remember the girl coming up to me and asking if she could borrow some money to get some lunch one day. She told me she had forgotten hers, so I let her borrow some. I didn’t care. Later, I was told by the girl’s mom(a lady who worked at the school in another class) to not give the girl money anymore. The lady explained to me that the girl had some kind of problem with her brain where she would eat and forget that she had done so. She always felt hungry because of this problem. I had never heard of such a thing and even to this day, it seems strange, but I agreed to do what her mom said and next time the girl asked, I would tell her I didn’t have any money or some excuse.

Looking back, that was the first moment in my life I had ever been exposed to someone who was overweight and it wasn’t completely their fault. When I looked at her, I felt pity in my heart because people were so cruel to her and called her names. I never called her names and was always nice to the girl and tried to stick up for her because I felt her situation was unfair.

Now, it seems like it was almost a foretelling of my own situation later in life.

When I was almost 12, we moved to another city to be closer to my grandma. We had had a fire during the move and I was leaving my best friend and the big city for a small city and junior high. At the time I was 4’11” and probably about 120 pounds. I was chubby, but if you look at pictures from that time, I didn’t look fat. I was healthy and I ate right, but my weight just stuck to me. My mom never told me I should diet or anything and why should she have? She cooked good foods and I wasn’t an overeater. Throughout the next few years, I would end up putting on more weight, though. My mom probably thought some of the reason was puberty….I mean, I WAS a teenager.

It sucked for me, though. One of my best friends was really tall and weighed about 85 pounds. I remember being shocked at how much my friend could eat. She could put away 10 times the amount of food I could eat and she wouldn’t gain a pound. I would eat an average amount of food and gain! It just seemed so unfair. I remember going out for pizza one time, I ate about 3 pieces, which was more than I usually would eat and then I was full. She ate 14 pieces before she was done and you guessed it, not one pound did she gain. I could see that I was having to get plus size clothes and I wanted so badly to be skinnier, but I just couldn’t understand how I could keep gaining when I wasn’t eating any more than I usually did.

Then high school hit….at my biggest I was probably about 180 and close to my highest height I would reach, which was 5’5″. I WAS overweight and back then I felt really fat. Now I would say I wasn’t as fat as I thought I was. I just couldn’t get the weight off. I tried starving some a few times and that even made me gain. I now KNOW that starving makes your body hold on to whatever fat you DO have, so that’s definitely not the answer. Back then, it just frustrated me even more. Overall, I was a healthy girl. At my physicals, I had perfect blood pressure, good blood sugar, no signs of diabetes or anything, I was in good health, just a little overweight.

But others didn’t feel that way…..I remember the comments. “You look like a Huge Whale.” “Why don’t you get off the couch and exercise?” “How much food DO you eat? Do you eat a whole steak every night?” “You are such a FAT cow, if you died, no one would care.”  You think I exaggerate, but those were comments coming from 15-17 yr. olds in the late 90’s……I don’t exaggerate.

Those words hurt because after hearing them for so long, you start to believe them. You start to believe that no one DOES care and that you’re just lazy and worth nothing. The truth was that I wasn’t lazy, I didn’t eat unhealthy and I didn’t deserve those words. BUT because of those words, I would skip lunch on more than one occasion so the other kids wouldn’t see me eating anything. I would only eat in the privacy of my home as much as possible and worry that every time I ate in public, people were seeing a pig eating.

It wasn’t until after high school and  I gained even more weight that I was first diagnosed as having a thyroid problem. Hypothyroidism. It means I have a super slow metabolism so everything I eat ends up making me gain weight. And it doesn’t matter what KIND of food. Both of my sisters, my mom AND my grandma have thyroid problems too, but one of my sisters has Hyperthyroidism where your metabolism is too fast. Without taking medicine, she would probably weigh around 90 pounds all the time.

My thyroid problem is NOT completely under control yet for several reasons, but it helps to know what was behind my uncontrolled weight gain that started when I was a pre-teen.

When I hear other people bashing parents that have obese children and talk about taking the children away, I have mixed reactions. I believe there ARE some kids out there that the parents probably are feeding their kids unhealthy and they just don’t care. But then I also believe there are kids just like I was. Would my parents deserved to have ME taken away back then? NO!

There ARE some health reasons that cause kids to gain weight no matter how they are fed and whether they exercise a lot or not….and I believe THIS should be taken into account. Not every parent with an overweight child is a bad parent. There are other factors that should be looked into.

And for that matter, not every overweight or obese person is lazy OR eats unhealthy all the time and I am extremely tired of hearing the biased comments from those who have never experienced being FAT or overweight one day of their life! I am sick of the “Get off the couch and do something” statements made by people who do NOT have a video camera in everyone’s house to see that they are in fact only sitting on the couch! For that matter, I know super skinny people who are more lazy than some overweight people and run out of breath faster……Stop stereotyping!



{March 11, 2011}   It’s time for some rants!

A lot of these things were on my mind when I did my “Everything but the kitchen sink” post BUT they are all rants basically and I didn’t feel like they quite fit with the tone of that post. So here are some rants that have been bugging me lately.

First of all, today I changed a toilet seat for the first time ever. Who knew it could be so complicated? It seemed simple enough but who knew loosening the screws and then re-tightening screws could be so hard? Darn myself for being a girly girl! Shouldn’t I know how to do this sort of thing?

Also speaking of toilets, you always hear women griping that their husband leaves the toilet seat up. Well, my husband is actually good about putting it down. The problem is he not only puts the lid back down but the very top cover too! Maybe this is his comedic way of saying “Ha ha, now you have to lift the seat as well!” but I find it rather annoying. I mean, yes, it’s better than the alternative and getting stuck IN the toilet but I don’t see how this is a good plan for either of us. How is it easier for him? Just means he will have to lift the seat no matter what, right?!

On to my next rant…We live in an apartment. For the most part, I am happy with it and the landlady is wonderful and nice, the maintenance man is cool and it’s a great apartment overall. Their scheduling leaves something to be desired though. They’ll leave a note saying they’re going to have the water off for a few hours on this day or whatever else they are going to do. That’s nice of them to give us warning because our first apartment didn’t, BUT they seem to schedule in riddles. Example: We got a note earlier this week saying “The water will be turned off between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. on Friday, March 10th.” Ok….I didn’t even look twice. Thursday morning comes….the water is off between those hours. I look at the note again. March 10th IS Thursday but they called Friday March 10th. Part of me thinks they do this sort of thing to cover their butts. This way if you gripe, they can say but we said March 10th…..Why should I be surprised? It’s not a first. They do this constantly. It has to be on purpose, right? Why must they play games with me????

Oh….skipping back to bathroom talk for a second. Have you ever seriously considered carrying toilet paper in your purse? I have. Of course, THEN you would never need it, right? But I guess it’s better safe then sorry.

Rant #5: A friend of my husband’s loves to put me down as a reference whenever he or she decides to take out a loan. Problem? This person never pays the loan back so guess who gets inundated with phone calls? ME.  I blocked my number from telemarketers and I STILL get junk calls because of THIS. UGH!

Rant #6: Whatever happened to platform sandals? Seriously? I could care less if they are not in style. I have always and still loved a platform on sandals. It doesn’t have to be a very big one, but the only sandals I can find nowadays are pretty much completely flat (which hurt my flat feet), have a regular spike heel(which I can no longer wear) or are wedges. Don’t get me wrong, wedges look cute. The problem is, wedges and me don’t get along. It feels as if I am attempting a tight rope walk. Lean your foot too much to the left or the right and a twisted ankle is guaranteed. At least for me. I have a rod in my right ankle and I am clumsy enough. A platform is perfect for me! It covers the same wideness of the bottom of the shoe and doesn’t bother my flat feet. So who do I have to talk to to get them to make them again? : (

And my final rant of the day: One of my wonderfully sweet and beautiful friends on Facebook was asking today about, “Why do you have to be skinny to get married?” cause apparently some people have mentioned losing weight for her wedding. This stereotype angers me more than anything. I remember back before my wedding and seeing all the articles about getting in shape for your wedding, fitting into your dress, and blah blah blah. I think if you want to lose weight for yourself, to be healthy or whatever, then that is fine but too much emphasis is put on being skinny for your day. This is just outrageous to me. I, myself, refused to put that pressure on myself. I met my husband as a big beautiful woman and he loved that about me. He loves my curves and he loves me as a person overall. There are far more important things to worry about on your wedding day. If people are telling you to lose weight, tell them to get lost, I say!  I do not regret not losing weight for my wedding. I still felt beautiful on my day and in my dress and most of that was because I surrounded myself with friends and family who loved ME. Truly loved ME and not physical perfection. I felt beautiful and by feeling that, I think everyone else truly saw beauty.

I know that I, myself, do have an issue with my weight but my weight doesn’t define who I am inside. The people who truly care about me are going to love me no matter what. I would love to eventually lose weight for my health and for myself but I don’t want it to ever be to fit a mold of who the world thinks I should be.



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