TheRealSharon's Blog











{September 6, 2013}   Missing Haiku

I can’t believe it

I never expected it

That you would be gone….so soon.

Yea, I broke the Haiku rules and added 2 words… :p



{August 29, 2013}   In no mood to write

Normally, writing helps.  I actually had a long post in my head to write about what I’m feeling, but at the moment, I do not feel like writing it.  The last thing I wanted to do was work today… I enjoy my job, but my mind was everyone else BUT on my work.  My heart is breaking right now for my Mom.  If you did not read my post last night, you probably are confused right now.  My Nanny (my Mom’s Mom) passed away yesterday afternoon.  It was pretty unexpected.  I mean, I think we all knew she wouldn’t live for many more years but no one expected her to leave yesterday.  😦

I have cried tears over it, and I am sure I will cry much, much more, but I think right now I just feel sadness for my Mom.  I can’t even imagine what she is feeling right now, because if I ever lost her, I think I would go insane.  Obviously, it’s a fact of life, but she was the only daughter of my Nanny.  She had a brother…but she was the only daughter and he was the only son.  My Mom was extremely close to her Mom as I am to mine.  I wish I could be there for her more right now….I wish I could do more….I just feel lost and down….and in no mood to write about this right now.  😦



{August 17, 2013}   One Minute Priceless Post

OneMinuteWriterButton21. Read the daily writing prompt.
2. Push “Play” on the timer on the right side of the screen.
3. Spend 60 seconds or less writing a response to the daily prompt.

Today’s Writing Prompt: Priceless (Wednesday the 14th’s prompt)

What’s something wonderful you have in life that can’t be bought, sold, or traded for money?  I don’t think I even need a whole minute to answer this. Family. One word is all it takes here.  Having a family you love and care about is worth more than any money in the world, and when I say family, I am including the great friends in my life who are just like Family to me, as well. 🙂

 



I should say Training, because technically it’s not a job until after the year of training, BUT regardless, I am learning that training or working from home is harder than it looks when you have ANY family…or friends.  My husband seems to not take it as seriously and pick the middle of me listening to dictations to come and talk to me, and then he doesn’t understand why I can’t just take a second to answer a question cause apparently people with office jobs can do that?  Well, I’m not really sure what everyone in every other job does, but as someone who is currently doing training 5 days a week with a certain number of hours to attain in that same period, I can’t listen to dictations, transcribe them, and talk to people at the same time. I just simply can’t. Even if I DID want to take a break right in the middle, I would then have to go over the time I want to, because I would never feel right putting down hours when I wasn’t working the full time, you know?  Sure it’s just training, but the harder I work at it, the better I will be when it becomes a job. And when it becomes a job, it will require things to be done within a set time.  In other words, whether I am working from HOME or working in an office, it is still serious!

But hardly anyone seems to understand this…They think I should be able to just do things when I want to…and it’s annoying.  Now I truly understand how other work from home people feel.  People want to call me during training and wonder why I say, “Can’t talk right now. Call you back.”…It’s as if just because I am at home and sometimes working in pajamas that it makes me available…ugh! OR…they expect me to be somewhere like I can just tell my instructor I got to go do something and she should understand. Well….I don’t want to be considered someone who is unreliable. I want to be thought of as a reliable worker right now during my training so there will be no question of my ability later. Then you have those who want to make plans in the evening and wonder why I can’t give them a set time that I will be there. Well, while I only NEED a certain amount of hours per day, there are days where I may go over for different reasons.  If I am able to and want to end at an earlier time, I can sometimes, but it doesn’t always work that way.  If my instructor gives me “live files” which means files that were recorded recently and need to be returned asap, those have to be my priority regardless of when she gives them to me….which means if she gives them to me near the end of my training time, I will probably be doing training late regardless of what I or anyone else wants.  I shouldn’t have to apologize to people for this.  Hasn’t anyone had a job where they were asked to stay late at times? I mean, HELLO! Whether I am at home or somewhere else, AGAIN, it’s still the same thing! It is still serious, and if I want to be successful, I HAVE to see it that way, and others taking it seriously as well will make it a lot easier.

Working, or training from home should actually be taken even more seriously because I am basically an independent worker. I have no one watching me over my shoulder making sure I do what I’m told.  I am mostly responsible for myself.  How serious I take my training and later my work is completely up to me, and it determines how successful I will be as well.  Not everyone would be capable of self motivating themselves when their boss isn’t there to motivate them.  BUT just because you aren’t in an environment surrounded by coworkers and a boss doesn’t mean that it isn’t a REAL job or that it shouldn’t be taken seriously.  In my case, what I am doing now is something I would like to not only be a job, but also a career.  So please take my training and later, my career, seriously.  🙂



How do I say Happy Birthday to a Best Friend that has been in my life for 25 years now and is so much more than a friend because she is also literally family?

I will be the first to admit that I suck in person and on the phone in expressing my feelings and being all mushy. I just get so nervous and the words fail me. I am so much better at putting pen to paper or my fingers to the keyboard and spilling out my thoughts. So because of this, I am doing this post as part of a Happy Birthday gift to my best friend who is also one of my nieces, Rebekah. 🙂 Happy 25th Birthday to you!

I don’t remember the exact date that my niece went from being simply my niece(which is an amazing thing in itself) to being a best friend. When I look backwards, I can’t honestly remember a time when I didn’t feel an extra bond there other than Aunt and Niece. I always felt a friend connection there, like even if we had never been related, had we met each other, we would have STILL been best friends. From a young age, we had different interests, but also a lot in common. I remember dancing around to music together, watching scary movies, eating so many Otter Pops that we should have turned into one ourselves, and staying up late talking. I remember surprising you by coming in for your high school graduation when you thought I wasn’t even going to be there for your oldest sister’s wedding. I remember you almost knocking me to the ground in excitement when you saw me. I remember wanting to chase after your ex at the Fair Ground because I was so mad at him. I remember when you fainted at your sister’s wedding, and I was so scared and worried about you. I remember knowing you were going to be my Maid of Honor many years ago, and being worried that you were going to do a repeat faint…lol

I remember you being there for me during one of the toughest times in my life, and you throwing out a life line to save me from myself. The summer I came to Indiana to work at the preschool was such an up and down rollercoaster, but it was exactly what you knew I needed. I remember listening to music and jamming as you drove us everywhere. I remember the trips to Shipshewanna, to Fort Wayne, and the big trip to Indianapolis where we had the one fight, but we quickly made up. I remember the time you hit the pole at the gas station and everyone was calling you “Crash”, except I didn’t think it was as funny as they did. I also remember you leaving the car running with me inside and our pizza while you pumped the gas. When you realized it, you were worried about the pizza, and we laughed about how I was in the car too, but you asked about the pizza! LOL  I remember all the times we played board games during the holidays, and I remember you dancing in your new pair of heels to Just Dance…and we were laughing at how silly you were. You have always been able to make me laugh and cheer me up.

I also remember how you hate to cry, and not that many people have seen you do it, but I have seen you cry. It breaks my heart when you cry. I know you doubt yourself a lot, and I hate it when you do. I think I have the most beautiful best friend, inside and outside, and it kills me that you can’t see yourself the way I do.  I wish I had a magic wand to bring you everything you want in life. I also wish that your Mr. Right would hurry up and show his face, because you deserve an amazing guy. I think he is taking longer to show up, not because of anything you lack, but rather because there’s not very many great guys out there who are awesome enough for someone as great as you. I KNOW there is one special one out there, though. God wouldn’t make a great woman who wants a great man without putting her match out there. And I also know it’s hard to be patient. I remember struggling in my 20’s, seeing all my friends get married and having babies, and just feeling down about it. The time will come….just don’t give up, my friend. 🙂 ~Hugs~

You are the best friend that I could ever ask for. I believe God put YOU in my life as my niece because he knew I needed YOU as a best friend and we may never have known each other otherwise. If you had never come into my life, I do NOT think I would be where I am now. I think my life would be a horrible place. I think I would still been where I was years ago…if I was even alive today for that matter. Thank you for being my best friend. I love you!

I think this was either 1999 or 2000...I am on the far right putting bunny ears up behind Rebekah lol

I think this was either 1999 or 2000…I am on the far right putting bunny ears up behind Rebekah lol

This was at Chuckie Cheese and I think I was about 8 or 9 and Beckah was 3 or 4 :)

This was at Chuckie Cheese and I think I was about 8 or 9 and Beckah was 3 or 4 🙂

Me  and Rebekah on her graduation day :)

Me and Rebekah on her graduation day 🙂

10 years ago at my brother's wedding...interesting hair choices for both of us LOL...and my niece Lydia giving us bunny ears

10 years ago at my brother’s wedding…interesting hair choices for both of us LOL…and my niece Lydia giving us bunny ears

Me and Rebekah on my wedding day (Hair done by her on my day)

Me and Rebekah on my wedding day (Hair done by her on my day)



This post goes out to everyone I love who is experiencing tough times right now. I wish I could take your pain away and make things better for you. I wish life didn’t have to be so hard. I hate seeing people I care about hurting, both emotionally and/or physically and just not being able to do anything about it. All I have are words for comfort, and I feel as if my words are far from satisfactory.

I have more than one close friend right now dealing with hard times, and I wish more than anything that I could physically be THERE with you instead of just offering virtual hugs and words that I feel are not helping. These friends are dealing with issues that I can relate to far more than I wish. Some of them because I currently deal with it myself as well and it’s hard for me to help myself, much less know how to help someone else. Some of the issues are things I have dealt with in the past and it breaks my heart that anyone else I love has to go through what I experienced first hand. I know from being in that place that no words or advice anyone gave me seemed to really matter. Even if someone COULD honestly relate, I didn’t want to hear it because they weren’t currently in that place. So I don’t want to use the same old adages people use over and over. What I really wish is I could just magically make their problems all disappear. Unfortunately, I can’t, so I am left feeling helpless and all I can do is let them know they are in my thoughts constantly and all my best wishes and prayers are with them as they go through these times. I wish nothing but the best for them and wish that they might get a break of happiness soon.

It is my hope that the ones that this post is meant for will understand and know how much I love them and want the best for them. You are NEVER a bother to me and I always have time for you in my life. I may not know the perfect things to say, but I’m always around to listen.

I truly believe this world would be a better place if all of us would put aside, for even a minute, what is going on in our own personal lives, and really and truly care about our friends and family who are hurting. I’m not claiming to be perfect at this. We ALL have our faults and shame on anyone who won’t own up to their own. I know this paragraph seems unrelated to the rest of my post, but this post is not for everyone…the ones it is meant for will understand. I posted a status on FB today that really summed out this nicely.

“An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Why is it that when someone DOES care about someone else more than themselves that people can’t believe it? That they are shocked?  I think this is a sad thing when putting others before yourself is so rare to be shocking.

This reminds me of my wedding day. The day that is supposed to be the best day of your life. One of my bridesmaids was told (which was really messed up in the first place), that her husband had been cheating on her. This was during my reception and I saw her crying. Instead of being totally immersed in my wedding day and totally disregarding my best friend, I went up to her and asked her what was wrong and then hugged her and I cried with her. It didn’t for one moment make me feel like my day was no ruined. All I cared about was that my friend was hurting and my heart broke for her. She actually apologized for ruining my day and it made me sad that she was worried about that. Here she was finding out her husband was cheating on her and she was more worried that my day was ruined. I, of course, let her know she didn’t ruin my day. She should have never felt for one moment that I cared more about my happiness than hers. When you love someone and they are hurting, you do your best to do whatever it takes to be there for them, no matter what. If heaven forbid, one of my friends had an emergency and needed a ride during my wedding and there was none available, you can bet I would have given them one. That’s just what you do when you truly care about someone. I’m not saying this to make myself look good. I don’t care how it makes me look. I am just saying how I truly feel inside. How I feel others should feel. Yes, it’s just my opinion, but this world would be a better place if more people shared it.

I believe a test of someone’s true character is how they treat their loved ones when they need help the most. Today, your life may be wonderful and you may have it all, but if you don’t treat those you love that are less fortunate well, then don’t be surprised when the tables turn and they are not there for you in return.



No 5QF today…I am not exactly sure why, but when I went to get the questions from the blog I get them from, there was just a regular post with no explanation for why there wasn’t a 5 Question Friday, so…I guess I will post a regular post as well, eh? 😉

Tonight, my youngest niece (that I had before I got married) graduates from high school and I am beyond proud of her.  She’ll be graduating in Austin, while I live about 4 hours away and am unable to attend. It makes me sad that I won’t be there and wishing I WAS able to go is one of the wishes heavily on my mind right now. I can’t believe the little baby girl who I saw right after entering this world when I was 12 years old is now graduating high school and soon heading off for college. It’s so crazy and surreal, it seems like yesterday that she was a little girl.

Then, I have the second youngest niece who I mentioned a few weeks ago, who got married. I was 11 when she was born and now she is married and old enough to soon have kids of her own. I hope she waits just a bit(lol), but I know it’s a possibility. I wasn’t able to go to HER wedding because it was in Indiana and there wasn’t much notice due to her hubby being in the Marines and working with his schedule. I wish I could have gone to her wedding like she was there for mine, though.

Just a few weeks ago, I ALSO being a great aunt for the 5th time, (although 2 of my sweet baby great nephews are angels now). Another one of my nieces giving birth. I can remember HER when she was in diapers! And now she has her own baby in diapers. I wish I could have been there when her baby, Alexia, was born. I wish I could go to North Carolina now to see her and the baby.

I wish I could see my other niece/best friend who now lives in North Carolina as well. I wish I could see my oldest niece and my great nephews in Indiana. I wish I could see my nieces and nephew in Austin more. I wish, I wish, I wish. If wishes were of monetary value, maybe I would have enough money to make them all come true. At least I could make the wishes that were possible using money to fulfill.

Then there are the wishes that money can’t buy for you. I wish my weight loss would continue as fast as it started. I wish I didn’t have a thyroid problem. I wish my Nanny was doing better and my Mom didn’t have to worry so much about her. I wish I was a better housekeeper…lol…Although money could pay for a maid, I suppose! I wish I could be pregnant before all my nieces end up married and pregnant. There, I said it and the whole world knows. 😦 I know people tell me that I am still young and yadda, yadda, yadda, but it’s discouraging that the same little girls I watched crawl, take their first steps, and some I even changed their diapers, are all growing up and I feel stuck. I always thought I would be married and have a family before my nieces…or at least most of them, you know? I’m older so it just made sense to me. But it hasn’t happened and it isn’t for lack of trying. For years, people mention in teasing me having a baby and I laugh and go, “It will be awhile!”, but inside I am really saying, “Oh, I wish, I wish so much, I have been wishing that for so long!”

I never wanted people to know how much I wanted it because I felt like people would discourage it. When I got married at 25, more than one person said I should wait years before having a baby. I never intended to actually take their advice, but life took it regardless of my own intentions. All around me, people much younger than I am are having babies and I act all happy about it, but to be honest, there are times I cry and say, “I wish I could have what they have.” My husband knows. He has been around for many a tear shed. It’s really a struggle sometimes being happy for someone else when you really feel envious.

I HATE feeling that way. I feel like if people know this, they will dislike me for my feelings. It’s the truth, though. ~Sigh~ I guess this is where doing a wishes post gets me!

Here I am, vulnerable and exposed by my deep inner wishes. Now you know a secret I have kept locked away close to my heart. I only wish I had got it out sooner.



Wouldn’t it be great if we COULD capture time in a capsule?  This thought has been on my mind along with time capsules in general. This past week, my husband was asked to write a short letter for his niece that she would bury, along with letters from other family members, and open after she graduates high school. She is in first grade now, so this will be quite a while from now before she reads it. I had heard of people doing time capsules, but I never personally knew someone who did and this was the first I had heard of the letter idea. As I helped my hubby type it up and print it out, I really got to thinking about it and it made me wish my school had done the same thing. The school I went to first grade at no longer exists, but I assume I could have still gone back to the burial site(if they had left it marked for students) and then seen what was inside. The idea made me really nostalgic, but also kind of sad. Our niece, Jaycie’s, time capsule will have letters from her grandparents. I have one remaining grandparent left and she was also the only one left when I graduated. When I was in 1st grade, I had ALL of my grandparents, but three of them would die before I got to high school. What would it have been like to have got letters from each of them addressed to me personally when I can barely even remember them? It would have been a great keepsake for me, for sure!

I really wish I HAD a letter like she will have from my own family members. Who is to know 5, 10 years down the road if those same family members will still be around? And memories made at 6,7,and 8 don’t seem to last the same as memories made later down the road. If only the past could be in a bottle that you could take out and watch or relive whenever you so choose. I guess a letter wouldn’t be as great as reliving time, but it’s a start. A start that I don’t have and never really considered the fact that I DON’T, but now that the idea has been thrown in front of me….I wish it had even been an option.

Even if YOU don’t do a time capsule, I recommend doing letters for your own family members to read in the future. They might not think much of them NOW, but I guarantee they will treasure them in the future. I know I NOW plan to do so when I have kids and will ask my other family members to do the same for them. I want my future kids to have this special gift that I didn’t get to have.



{May 16, 2013}   “Don’t ever get Old”

I’ve never really written about this before but lately it has really gotten to me. Maybe before I was in denial or just didn’t want to see it but I see it now and I can’t unsee it. My Nanny has been wheelchair bound for years now but the past couple of years, she has gradually gotten worse and worse. A couple of years ago, my mom basically moved in with her to help take care of her because every time she was left alone, she would end up falling. When she falls, they have to send someone to help her up. Her limit of getting around was from her wheelchair to her chair and that’s about all. I knew her mobility and her memory had been getting worse. I remember last year when planning for my parents 50th anniversary and at Christmas too when my Mom would break down in tears and say she didn’t think Nanny would be around too much longer. I hate seeing someone cry but I especially hate it when it’s my Mom. If I dwell on it too much, I will cry too and that will just make HER cry more so I try not to think about it.

My Nanny made a comment before the 50th Wedding Anniversary of my parents that most parents don’t live long enough to see their daughter’s 50th and that is definitely true. My Nanny is 90 years old and that is an accomplishment, for sure. She said she wanted to make it to see the anniversary and then after that, she was ready to go….I’m sure you understand what she meant.

That was back in November. Since then, it has gotten harder for her to even move a step from chair to chair. Two Sundays ago, she fell in the bathroom while my parents were at church. Stubbornness runs in our family and she was trying to do something she shouldn’t have (getting something out of the closet), failed to turn her wheelchair off and it bumped into her, causing her to fall on her stomach. Luckily, my Uncle Wayne was coming in that day, got there early, heard her call for help and took the bathroom door off and helped her back in her chair. She had bruises on her head, was sore all over and possibly sprained a finger and her ankle. Since then, the even one step has been torture for her, as I have seen with my own eyes. My Mom tries to help her as much as she can but my Mom is 69, almost 70 herself and she is basically having to carry my Nanny’s weight a lot to help her in the chair. This past Monday and Tuesday I was over there and I could see the frustration on both of their faces as they argued with each other. My Mom gets frustrated because my Nanny won’t let do what she needs to do and she won’t let her help her the way SHE wants to help her. My Nanny gets upset because it’s so hard for her and she hates that Mom has to do so much. There’s been many a time when I have heard her say it would be easier on my Mom if she wasn’t around and that breaks my heart. I know it breaks Mom’s heart. On Tuesday, my Nanny said she thought she might have possibly cracked a rib or two during the fall and you could visibly tell she was in excruciating pain. She’s diabetic, her legs swell like crazy, she’s too old for surgery and she can hardly get around at all anymore. She’s been telling me “Don’t ever get old, Sharon” a LOT lately. What do I say to that?

My Mom seems to be at the end of her rope with what she can do. She has mentioned nursing homes a lot lately and I KNOW Nanny will absolutely hate it if that happens. My Mom would be there as much as possible though. Our family is NOT the type to put our family in a nursing home and abandon them. My Mom would end up living there if allowed, trust me. But in the back of your mind, we all know what nursing homes stand for. A last resort. The place you go to when all other solutions fail. 😦 My Nanny has adamantly stated in the past that she never wanted to go to a nursing home. I fear that if my Nanny permanently goes to one, this will mean she won’t be here much longer. She’s been saying for awhile now that she doesn’t expect to be around before each event comes. We all just try to ignore it and tell her she’ll probably live to 100. Deep inside, I and probably everyone else fears the truth. When someone starts saying they don’t expect to be around much longer, I think they have stopped having a reason to live. A lot of people go to nursing homes and then don’t last much once they enter those doors.

I don’t want to consider that my Nanny might not be here come next year. I don’t want to ever think about a world where my last grandparent is gone from this world. I don’t want to imagine that someday I will have my first child and he or she will never know their Nanny. BUT you can’t hide from the truth forever and it’s finally hitting me. As I write this post, the first tears form and flow from my eyes. I’ve NEVER thought this out the way I am doing now so I’ve never allowed myself to cry over it. I am now, though. I thought it was time I let my feelings out so I can really digest everything that’s happening around me. In the same week as I become a Great Aunt again, I have to also come to grips with the fact that I could possibly lose another family member in the not too distant future. It’s possible she WILL live to 100, but my head and my heart tells me that I need to be realistic. So I am…and it hurts…and I’m scared but I will get through because someone will have to be here for my Mom when the day comes.



Just had to share the news that I became a Great Aunt again this morning! My new great niece was born this morning weighing 6 pounds, 15 oz. and measuring 20 1/4 inches long! Her name is Alexia Ann and she is beautiful; she looks just like her momma! I am a proud Great Aunt and I wish I didn’t have to wait until Christmas to meet her!

readingchallDay 14-Book from your favorite writer

This doesn’t specify a favorite book but I’m assuming that’s what it meant. Yesterday, I picked my favorite “new” writer as Kimberly Kinrade. Out of all her books that I have read so far, I’m going to have to go with the “Forbidden Trilogy” even though that’s technically 3 books. It’s the first three books of hers I read and what got me hooked and interested in reading more of her books. And no…I’m NOT biased because my review shows up in the description on Goodreads! I was shocked when I saw it there the first time, though! 🙂

Come back tomorrow for my WWW Wednesday and find out my Favorite Male Character in a book! 😉



et cetera
Everything Mommyhood

Mom Life, Reviews, Giveaways, Recipes, DIY, and more

Worldwide EndoMarch

Forward we go to end the silence for Endometriosis!

Worth the trouble

“He couldn’t see why people made such a fuss about people eating their silly old fruit anyway, but life would be a lot less fun if they didn’t. And there was never an apple, in Adam’s opinion, that wasn’t worth the trouble you got into for eating it.” ~from Good Omens

Problems With Infinity

Confessions of a Delusional Maniac

karenwriteshere

Hope isn't an emotion, but a daily choice. Keep choosing the path of hope.

The Ideal Me by 24

Smile! You’re at the best WordPress.com site ever

Women Who Think Too Much by Jeanne Marie

My book, Women Who Think Too Much, is available at smashwords.com

Becoming Cliche

My Journey to Becoming My Mother

My Trousers Rolled

"I grow old...I grow old...I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled..." -- T.S. Eliot, The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock

randomdescent

"writing is an adventure"

More Cabaret

Class, Sass, and a Lot of Ass

Book Lovers Buffet

Load Up - You Won't Gain a Pound!

re-Education

Ideas about English, Drama and ICT in the classroom, as well as some broader musings

readful things blog

colourful language, colourful opinions

101 Books

Reading my way through Time Magazine's 100 Greatest Novels since 1923 (plus Ulysses)

Insatiable Booksluts

Voracious readers tell you if that book is going to suck.

Body Rebooted

On the road to optimal health!