TheRealSharon's Blog











Well, me and my hubby went to a friend’s house today for a fish fry. It was a lot of fun and I got to meet my friend’s newest little one, Aidan, who is 2 months old. He was so cute!

I enjoyed holding him, too. It was the first time I had held a baby that small in awhile. The last time was probably when his older sister was an infant and she is now close to 2. It felt like I had been holding a baby all my life, though. Which is not too far from the truth. I’ve been an aunt since I was 2 and held my first baby (that I can remember at 2 yrs. and 2 months). That baby was my first niece Krystal. We have pictures and there’s this big, humongous smile on my face cause I was so excited about holding a baby. I don’t think I even understand that I was an aunt until many years later but I knew what a baby was. I was obsessed with them.

I’m not making that up, either. Ask my mom! She told me that my first word was “baby” and I was so obsessed with them, she got a photo album and filled it with pictures of babies from magazines for me. I would sit there for hours and look at the babies. When other small children would carry their dolls around and throw them down when they were done or kind of be rough with them, I was like a little mommy. I would hold them just like an adult would and I would sing to my baby dolls, kiss their foreheads and gently lay them down. I guess I’m just a baby person…..I’ve always loved them and I’ve always known, without a shadow of a doubt, that I wanted to be a mommy one day.

At the same time, I was around babies and children enough to know that it wouldn’t be the best to have one too young. My mom was a kindergarten teacher and then a daycare teacher and at church, she would volunteer in the nursery and I would help out as much as I was allowed. Some of my nieces also lived with us for years on and off, so I learned the “not so fun” parts of having a baby. I guess that was why in high school when I took Parenting Class, I was the ONLY one in my class that did a paper instead of taking home the crying baby. It was one of those dolls that cried like a baby and you would have to get up and turn the key and hold it. All the other girls were all excited and I said straight out, “No thank you!” I loved babies but I was NOT about to be kept up late taking care of a doll and having to carry it around all the time. So I did this like 5 page paper that was an option. I think the teacher had to come up with it on the spot cause she always offered an alternative but I don’t believe anyone had ever taken it.

I’m 27 now and a lot of my friends MY age already have at least one kid, if not more. I don’t have any yet. It’s not that I don’t want any because I really, really do. Every time a friend asks me when I’m going to have a baby, I’ll play it off and be like, ” Some day” but secretly, I want to scream, “I would love to say I am having one now!” Things don’t always work out like in fairy tales, though. Part of me is afraid to get pregnant because of my weight. I don’t even know if I would be able to anyways. Another part of me doesn’t care and if I ended up pregnant tomorrow, I would be happy and deal with it. It’s safe to say my biological clock has been running for a few years now. And the other day I read in a magazine about how having a baby between 25-30 is the best time and then after that, the odds go down extremely. It scares me to think it might take me too long to get where I need to be, weight wise, to have a baby. Not to mention, what if I am never able to get enough off to have one?

It leaves me depressed. In fact, THIS is a huge issue that keeps me from wanting to go anywhere or do anything which is kind of counter productive. I just get so down about what I CAN’T do because of my weight and then when I tell myself that that should be motivation, it doesn’t work. Nothing seems to motivate me anymore. Sad, but true. I’ve just gotten so tired of failing in the past, that I have gone numb. The will is not there any more.

Tonight, my friend Allison commented that it looked natural when I was holding the baby. Well….it feels natural to me. It always has, to an extent. I mean, there’s a little nervousness there because it’s someone else’s baby and I don’t want them to be afraid that I could drop them or something. Other than that, holding a baby has just always felt right to me. It’s felt like what I was meant to do. I feel this strong maternal urge inside me that tells me that THIS is my true purpose in life. I know that I am meant to be a mother some day. I KNOW that I have that maternal instinct inside me, but when will I get the chance to embrace it?

I know that this is a very personal post and you’re probably wondering why I would share this with the world. Well…why not? This is the REAL me. Why should I hide who I am? I hide myself in real life too often as it is.



{March 18, 2011}   They were all lessons learned

There was a time in my life where I thought I would get to an age where there were fewer lessons to learn. With age comes wisdom, right? So I used to think that the older I got, the less there was to learn. Yet the older I have gotten, the more lessons I have learned. Some were really hard to learn, others simple but there’s been an increasing number of lessons rather than decreasing. Gazing off into my future, I don’t ever see this changing either. I expect to be surprised constantly by the amount of things I don’t understand that I will some day grasp the meaning of.

What’s the biggest lesson you learned so far this year? | The Daily Post at WordPress.com.

It’s halfway through the 3rd month of 2011 now. When I read this question at first, I thought to myself, “What HAVE I learned this year?” and at first, it seemed like I have learned nothing. Maybe the biggest lesson I am learning right now is that I actually have learned things this year.

Take a room you see everyday and change one small thing in it. Just one small, unimportant, and seemingly unnoticeable detail. Then watch and see whoever you share your space with as they go through the room. How long does it take them to notice this change? Do they ever?

Sometimes that’s how lessons are for me. I learn one but it’s like someone took a room of my house and placed a paper on the table that wasn’t there before or moved a book to a different spot. I’ll go through days of my life without noticing the change but just because something goes unnoticed doesn’t mean it’s not there. The same goes for lessons. Just because I don’t recognize a lesson I have learned doesn’t mean that there are little changes here and there in my daily life that are from that lesson. I just don’t always pay attention.

Funny that…..I’ve always thought I was good at paying attention to detail. But maybe that’s only when I choose to recognize it.

What’s MY biggest lesson I have learned this year? Well, I would have to say that I have more determination and will inside me than I give myself credit for. I challenged myself to fight my procrastination on January 11, 2011. 1/11/11. I told myself I was going to write EVERYDAY and I also told myself there was no telling myself that I could make excuses. That the voice in the back of my head that likes to linger there and say “You can’t do it, give up”! will cease to exist when it comes to THIS. I asked others Do you think I will be able to? but to myself, I never asked myself if I would be able to. Because there was no question. I was going to do it, Mrs. Procrastinator was going to sit down, shut up, and get out of my way and I refuse to spend even a minute on doubting myself!

And 2 months later, I have NOT missed a day. Am I shocked? Nope. Cause I never once told myself that there was even a possibility that I wouldn’t still be going through with my challenge at this point. There’s no doubt in my mind that I will make it a year either. If the doubt starts to come, I shoo it away like a fly.

So where was this motivation years ago when I wanted it to be there? I have no idea! I suppose it would have been nice to have it there but why spend time regretting that it wasn’t there? I’m embracing the fact that I am overcoming procrastination in this one small part of my life. Do I still procrastinate on other things? Oh yes! Procrastination is a devil with a pitch fork and I am poking it away an inch at a time….Baby steps! Baby steps!

So going forth into my future…..The blog will continue EVERY DAY and I will poke at this devil little by little and keep working on overcoming it. As for other issues in my life…..Well….There’s other lessons to be learned…..

(When I saw this Daily Prompt, I thought of this song by Carrie Underwood…wonderful lyrics!)

Lessons Learned

There’s some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some better endings,
Been some bad times I’ve been through,
Damage I cannot undo.
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don’t really matter,
When life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
And everyday I wondered how I’d get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I’m thankful, for every break in my heart,
I’m grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There’s mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should have taken,
Been some signs I didn’t see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don’t make no difference,
The past can’t be rewritten,
You get the life you’re given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
And everyday I wondered how I’d get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I’m thankful, for every break in my heart,
I’m grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
Are the things that make you strong!
You can’t change the past,
Cause it’s gone.
And you just gotta move on,
Because it’s all
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
From everyday I wondered how I’d get through the night,
From every change, life has thrown me.
I’m thankful, for every break in my heart,
I’m grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.
Lessons learned.



{March 5, 2011}   Stress and the pay off

Yesterday, I started my new blog AND a fan page for it on Facebook. It proved to be a much bigger undertaking than I had originally thought but it’s coming along slowly. I am proud of what I have gotten accomplished so far with it, but I also realized that I have a long way to go when it comes to the intricacies of the computer. There’s tons of things you can do on Word Press that I still can’t figure out. I learn a little more daily but it’s difficult. I’m learning to love writing more and more but I’m not a computer genius. Figuring out codes and fixing up pages is challenging for me and I’m not a huge fan. It’s a part of doing a blog that I do not enjoy and makes me want to give up at times.

When I originally thought of doing my Teddy Bear blog, I was thinking of a daily thing where I post a picture everyday. After more consideration, I decided to not put that pressure on myself which is why the title of the blog doesn’t say it will be daily and I also do not allude to that anywhere on it. It’s a blog I want to do as something fun and not at all serious. Something meant to be stress free as much as possible. Therefore, I will try to update it as much as I can but THIS blog is my challenge blog. THIS blog will be updated daily, my other blog is the fun one.

I spent so much time yesterday working on the fun one though, that I got a little stressed. That is probably why I awoke today to a pounding headache. Imagine someone hammering a nail into a wall. Well, it felt like there was a person in my forehead that had moved in and was busy nailing pictures up inside my head like there was a wall in there! Yea, ouch! So, I got on the computer late today and was kind of feeling like maybe I shouldn’t have made an extra blog. Maybe it’s TOO MUCH, you know?

Then I saw a comment from someone saying that I inspired them to do a blog on one of their favorite things and “Great Job.” Automatically, I felt like all the stress was worth it. The metaphorical headache paid off. As for the person who moved inside my head this morning, I am giving them a lease and they will no longer be able to put anything on the walls!

P.s. Here is a link to my new blog: http://wp.me/1plB1



et cetera
Everything Mommyhood

Travel | Family | Deals | Beauty | Food | Life

Worldwide EndoMarch

The Global Endometriosis Uprising

Waiting for Baby Bird

infertility, miscarriage and pregnancy loss

Worth the trouble

“He couldn’t see why people made such a fuss about people eating their silly old fruit anyway, but life would be a lot less fun if they didn’t. And there was never an apple, in Adam’s opinion, that wasn’t worth the trouble you got into for eating it.” ~from Good Omens

Karenwriteshere

Hope isn't an emotion, but a daily choice. Choose hope.

Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog is a digital youth culture magazine dedicated to your stories and ideas.

The Ideal Me by 24

Smile! You’re at the best WordPress.com site ever

Becoming Cliche

My Journey to Becoming My Mother

My Trousers Rolled

"I grow old...I grow old...I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled..." -- T.S. Eliot, The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock

randomdescent

"writing is an adventure"

More Cabaret

Class, Sass, and a Lot of Ass

Book Lovers Buffet

Load Up - You Won't Gain a Pound!

re-Education

Ideas about English, Drama and ICT in the classroom, as well as some broader musings

readful things blog

The search for meaning, one page at a time

101 Books

Reading my way through Time Magazine's 100 Greatest Novels since 1923 (plus Ulysses)