TheRealSharon's Blog

{December 26, 2011}   Goodbyes are hard to do

Today, my family from Austin and North Carolina left. I see the ones from Austin at least a few times a year, but the others, not so much. My newly married niece has been in town for a little over a week and before that, it had been almost 3 years since I had seen her. I hopefully will see her next year sometime but that seems like a long way away now. When I hugged her bye, I held her tight and said I wasn’t going to let her go so she couldn’t leave. Words I said both seriously and with humor to try to keep myself from crying. Sometime during the hug, I realized she was about to leave and I have no guarantees of a next time. None of us are even promised tomorrow and when saying goodbye, the truth of that rings clearer than ever. She let go before me and I tried to keep her close even as I knew I had to let go. As hard as it is, I had to. I then turned and faced the wall as the tears started to flow. I didn’t want anyone to see or hear me cry so I walked off to bid the tears adieu. I somehow stopped them and was able to gain the courage to keep them from overtaking me. 30 minutes after they left, she sent me a text message saying she missed us already and it made me want to cry again. She responded to this with, “I haven’t stopped.” 😦
I have no idea how I avoided crying again when I read that but I did. I suspect had I not been surrounded with my family from Indiana who are still here until Thursday, I would have burst out into tears. After Thursday I will say bye again and try my best not to cry. I may or may not be successful at not crying in front of people, but I know I will after they leave. I will be left feeling empty and sad missing them until I can get back to the numbness of missing them without the tears coming everytime I think about it. I love seeing my family but I hate ever so much to say goodbye.

{December 25, 2011}   Merry Christmas!

I’m sure not many people will be reading blogs today so I’m not going to do a long post. I even scheduled this the night before to tell the truth.
If you have read my blog for awhile, you may know I do consider myself a christian, therefore I do celebrate this day as Christ’s birthday. I am fully aware this is not the exact day he was born, but simply the day it is celebrated. My family will be taking time to celebrate this fact and to pray at meal times as well as maybe even reading the christmas story.
I just recently discovered this week that a newer member of my family is an atheist. Christmas is still celebrated but for a different reason and I’m fine with it. I’ve learned to accept people with different beliefs throughout my life and so far, we have got along good despite the fact that this same person just likes to win board games a little too much in my opinion. They still share interests and have some of the same views…kind of like some of my blogging buddies.
Is there a part of me that wishes this person shared my belief? Honestly…yes. How could I have a true belief in God and NOT want others to believe? I think I would seem like a hypocrite or fake then. But each person has to figure out how they feel on their own and in their own time. It’s not my place to force my beliefs on anyone.
Having said that, I am pretty confident in saying that not everyone in my family would agree with me…that is also ok. All I can really hope for is for everyone to be mature and not overly pushy with how they feel.
And my post has become longer than I meant for it to be. If you are still reading, I hope you have or had a great Hanukkah, kwanzaa, christmas, or whatever else you may celebrate and know that I appreciate the diversity of my wonderful blogging buddies. You guys have made this year wonderful and I appreciate you all! 🙂

{December 24, 2011}   Early Christmas Wish



Short post today because I have been so busy. Tomorrow is Christmas Day and all my family is now here. My biggest wish for tomorrow is that everyone will have the christmas spirit and get along. Family is awesome but crowded spaces can bring out a mixture of personalities and from experience I have learned not every personality will mix well. The holidays can be both happy as well as stressful and tensions may get to a point where things escalate and explode after awhile. Yes, I am speaking from a personal situation that transpired today as well as past circumstances. It’s interesting how you can think your depression has gotten incredibly better and then you are put with people for long periods of time and lots of noise and constant chaos and then bam, it turns out things weren’t as under control as you think. Pair that with a bi-polar husband that most of your family doesn’t understand and things can get crazy.
But, this is not meant to be a depressing post and I don’t have regrets that my family is here. I am thrilled and I feel so blessed no matter what. My only wish is for me AND my husband to survive the holiday season without losing our  minds and for everyone to just have a great time together, being happy and safe.
That is also my wish for you guys…although maybe not so much the losing your mind unless that applies.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all!

{December 17, 2011}   I Still Believe in Santa Clause

I really do still believe in Santa Clause, only not in the way everyone thinks. I stopped believing in the fictional character years ago as a child, although, I quickly learned from my mom that kids that don’t believe do NOT get gifts so I pretended the character was real even though I knew the truth. Even though everyone KNEW I knew the truth.

I never felt lied to when I discovered the truth behind the fictional persona of Mr. Clause. At least not that I remember, which means it didn’t scar me or anything. I don’t remember feeling betrayed as I learned the true identity behind the Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy either. It just seemed like a natural progression of going from make believe to reality. I don’t think there is anything wrong with kids believing in fairy tales or make believe. In fact, I think it’s important for children to have that innocence as long as possible, before they learn that life will not be a fairy tale and it can be very rough. I wish more than anything that ALL children could live in a fairy tale reality for as long as possible. The horrible truth is that many children are forced into a cruel reality of life too young and I think the happiness fairy tales can bring is a welcome relief.

But, back to my belief in Santa Clause. My mom told me as a young girl that Santa Clause was the Spirit of Love and Giving. As long as that exists, Santa Clause exists. That’s what I believe in…The Spirit of Love and Giving. Not the fictional man in red with a belly full of jelly that says HO HO HO. The IDEA of Santa Clause. The Spirit of the Holidays that fills our hearts with love and joy and a giving spirit. I feel this spirit when I see people doing good deeds around the holidays, when I see someone helping someone who’s in need, or giving all they have asking for nothing in return. To me, that is what Santa Clause stands for.

You probably have heard on the news or online about the people around the U.S. that have been secretly paying off layaways, mostly ones with toys and kid’s clothes, for people. To me, those wonderful people, are someone’s secret Santa Clause. So many are doing it out of the spirit of giving without asking for reward or fame. Just secretly helping others out that might otherwise be unable to afford to give their kids any gifts. Thank you, Secret Santas! You reaffirm my hope for this world and let me know there are STILL good people out there willing to do good! 🙂

I still believe in Santa Clause because I see small town and big city Santas everyday spreading the spirit of love and giving to one and all!

This is a post I did on MySpace on Dec. 26th, 2005 that I really liked and wanted to share with my blog readers.

What is the meaning of Christmas?

Ok, ok, hold it. I already know what you’re thinking. What is she doing? Is she gonna start speaking philosophically? Is she been into the eggnog?

No and no. I am not gonna use my blog to impart to you the definition of Christmas, neither am I gonna preach to you like a saint, but I merely wanted you to think about this question yourself and then read what I am about to say.

As I was going by the guest bedroom to turn off the tv that my neice had fallen asleep watching, my hand was stopped as I reached for the power button. A little boy was on the TV, about 3 or 4, and as I love children, I was interested to see what was going on. This little boy was picking up toys and putting them in this medium sized box and this man proceeded to ask him, “What are you doing?”

The little boy said, “I am giving all my toys to kids who won’t get toys for Christmas.” At this utterance, I froze, my heart stopped for a beat and I almost felt a tear clutch my heart and climb up through me and trickle from my eye. I kept watching, transfixed, and the TV seemed dreamlike, ethereal, like something almost unreal. The man continued to ask the boy ,” Why are you giving all your toys away?” The boy, not missing a beat, continuing to put his toys in one by one, for a minute glanced up and I was looking right into his eyes. In fact, it felt as if I was not only looking into them, but I was right there next to him. The little boy answered, “Because they don’t have toys. It’s the right thing to do for Christmas. ” He then went back to work filling the box with all his toys and the picture faded out. I came out of my trance and turned the power off.

I fought back burning coals of tears and I thought about what I had just seen. I tell myself all the time, I don’t care about money, I don’t care about gifts, but would I be willing to give up even half of my possessions when this little boy was giving all his toys? which to a kid, is like giving away a car? I feel selfish and undeserving of all that I have, and I know soon I will probably get over this and go back to my old life, let’s face it, we all do, but for a moment, when I watched that little boy give up his toys….I smile now with tears and say………..I now know the true meaning of Christmas.

et cetera
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