TheRealSharon's Blog











{July 16, 2013}   No good at being busy

I think I am finally realizing that being busy is not something I can do for a long time and adequately function.  I know back when I was in college, I was luckily enough to have a mother that understood for me to go to college and make good grades, it was dependent upon me having free time in which to do homework, study, and honestly just to breathe.  She didn’t force me to have a job because she knew by doing so, my grades would suffer.  I had friends that worked crazy hours and took a full course of college and somehow they managed.  I was kind of envious, but I also wondered how they REALLY managed without having a nervous breakdown.  During the year, when I was the busiest was when I felt the most stressed and depressed.  I HAD to make time to be alone in my room and read or just do whatever I felt like doing or everything I did suffered. I can look back at the most difficult times in college when things weren’t going so great and pinpoint the main reasons being based on my life being TOO busy.  I can do it for a short time, but after too long, I start making silly mistakes, I get down and depressed and stop believing in myself, I cry for stupid reasons, and I just feel pulled in all directions.

The other day I sensed this feeling and knew that regardless of what others think, sometimes I HAVE  to be selfish and turn down offers to hang out because I just can’t do everything.  Maybe it’s because I am incredibly introverted or maybe it’s just a side effect of depression, but I know I just can’t do busy like some people can.  And I also can’t do spontaneity as well either.  If I decide to do something on the spur of the moment, fine…but if someone else asks me to drop everything and do something, it’s probably not going to happen.  Being spontaneous stresses me out. I’m a planner, not a risk taker. I suck at taking risks and I hate it as well.  Lately, my life has had less of what I consider “free time” and this past weekend, I felt this immensely.  I cried more than I have cried in a long time, and it was just all based on being depressed over stress.  The stress of having less time to myself, the stress of what I want most in my life not being fulfilled, monetary stress…just stress in general.  This is all stress that is on my mind most of the time, but when my life becomes too busy, I stop being able to handle it.  It’s like I forget….

Blogging daily can cause stress a bit when I feel like I don’t have the time, but honestly, my blog is also a therapy for the stress.  As much as I might not WANT to blog sometimes, doing so is a release for me.  Doing THIS post in particular helps.  It helps me get out what I have kept inside.  It helps me realize that I’m me, I’m not the same as anybody else, and I can’t be and do everything that everyone else does.  I just have to do me with no apology.  If I turn an invite down sometime, understand that it’s not based on the inviter, but simply on needing time to breathe.  For some people, hanging out with other people, going to the store, etc. can be reinvigorating. For me, it sucks all my energy and makes me feel incredibly exhausted.  Maybe I need more ME time to survive, but that’s me.  At the end of the day, I got to be me. 🙂



{April 16, 2013}   Why do you blog?

This was the question asked today on WordPress’ Daily Prompt or Post, rather. I’ve actually referenced this question in many different ways throughout the years I’ve done my blog. It’s a frequent question people ask and in fact, that I ask myself. There are many reasons why I blog so…I’m going to make a little list. 🙂

1. Blogging is Therapeutic! It helps to alleviate stress, get it all out of my head and onto virtual paper. My blog is like a journal but visible to the public.

2. I love to blog because I love to write. It’s really that simple. I can’t imagine blogging as often as I do without having a genuine love for it. As much as reading is a fond hobby of mine, blogging has also become one.

3. The more I blog, the better I feel I get at it. Practice makes perfect, right? And though I don’t believe perfection truly exists, I do think that the more you do something, the better skilled you get at it.

4. I blog to feel connected. I have met some great people through blogging that I probably wouldn’t have otherwise met. It’s awesome to meet people that can relate to what you blog about or just loving to write, in general. Blogging has opened me up to new people, new outlooks and new experiences that are truly worth a million bucks!

5. Blogging, if done regularly, instills routine. As much as I love to write, there are days when I don’t feel like it. I’ve learned that I’m not alone in this feeling but I’ve also learned through making it in 2011 through posting daily, that not only does blogging regularly make you feel this great sense of accomplishment, but it also makes writing a well established habit. I have gotten to a point where if I do a post ahead of time so I don’t HAVE one to post that day, I feel like there’s something missing out of my day! This being my 2nd time around posting daily, it IS easier because blogging HAS become more of a habit for me but there’s always a piece of me that gets lazy at times.

And this is where I will leave off, although I’m sure I could go on and on about reasons why I blog. Are there any reasons why YOU blog that I might have missed? Do you agree with my reasons?



{April 4, 2013}   Blogging as Therapy

I’ve taken physical therapy twice in my life. Once for a torn ligament and another after surgery and 3 months rest after breaking my fibula and detaching my deltoid ligament. The first time came from falling down almost a full staircase when no one else was home, the second from falling down about two or three steps out of a trailer and onto the ground. Both happened on the right foot/leg. Those weren’t the only times I fell down stairs, by the way. I fell down the stairs at my old house tons of times and I fell up them a couple, but only once did it end up in something more than bruises and hurt pride. After that second fall, I had to have surgery or a mere trip over something would have caused the break to come back. I still remember after my surgery, laying in the hospital bed, and feeling intense pain all through my foot. It felt like my skin was being stretched, torn, ripped apart and sewn back together inside the cast. Next to me was a Morphine drip with a button I could push for relief. It would only work once every 15 minutes, but it seemed like forever as I was stabbing that button every few seconds. You would think sleep would help, but even when the nurses weren’t in and out and I finally drifting off, I would still awake and jump out on the bed scared to death. Every time I fell asleep, I dreamed of stairs. I dreamed of walking down stairs and falling and as I fell, I would jump awake. My mom was there and she would ask me what was wrong and I told her that I was having nightmares of falling down stairs over and over and then I would awake to the intense shooting pain of it all….over and over again. The nightmares eventually went away but my fear of falling down stairs, ANY stairs, never did.

They gave me physical therapy but there was never any mental or emotional therapy for the trauma. Every time I get scared when I see a bunch of steps with no railings, people look at me like I’m crazy because I will just avoid them or ask for someone’s hand to help. It’s like a mental block when I stand before the steps and realize there’s nothing to hold on to. All of a sudden, my whole body just completely freezes and I start to step, but then back away. My mind says I can’t do it; it tells me I am no longer able to. If steps HAVE a railing, I can walk up them and barely hold on or just keep my hand right above so people don’t GET why I can’t just do it without. Well, it’s just having a railing there…it’s like a reassurance that there’s something there if I NEED it. I can physically walk up or down them if I COULD get my mind to obey but I have to have faith that I lost. What if I start to fall again? Will I be able to catch myself or stop myself? Without something or someone there to help, I risk reliving the pain all over again. I have a fear of falling down stairs. To others, it’s as silly as a fear of clowns, but to those who have THAT fear, it’s for real and no joke.

I started out this post to just tell about how blogging for me as a therapeutic release. Sometimes I just post things that aren’t that hard to talk about, but sometimes I delve in deep and discuss things that are hard for me. My depression, the sexual abuse I went through for three years as a kid, my struggle with my weight, the bullying I went through in school,my fear of falling down stairs, etc. These are all HARD things for me to talk about and honestly, I can’t afford to go talk them all through with a professional. Over time, these things either keep getting held inside where they pull me back into a depressed life of sleeping and eating and never living the house again OR I talk about them and they get a little easier each day. A lot of these topics are very hard for me to talk about out loud. Especially the sexual abuse…when I talk about it, I want to cry. But when I blog about them, it feels cathartic. It feels like I am releasing all the inner demons and throwing them out of my mind and into the universe. Little by little, my blogging becomes a means of therapy for me. Very cheap therapy that I won’t spend the rest of my life paying off!

I know I’m not the only one that blogs as a form of therapy. It’s obvious that I’m not the first to realize how good it is for you to write out your feelings and struggles; People have been doing it forever in diaries, right? The only difference in blogging versus writing is that there’s a wider audience. I think the audience thing has made it take longer for me to expose SOME of my struggles through blogging instead of just writing, but I feel like by talking about and speaking out on the HARD stuff, maybe, just maybe I will be able to reach the hearts of someone else who has been through what I have been through. Maybe by hearing my stories, they will find a kindred spirit in me. Maybe they will start speaking out, too and stop being afraid. Maybe they will realize they’re not alone. If I can help ONE person in this world that has gone or IS going through what I HAVE, I think that would be the best therapy of all. It would be the ultimate reward for spilling my heart out on typed page. 🙂



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