Welcome to the inner workings of my mind. Please come in and make yourself…UNcomfortable…Yes, I meant what I said, not comfortable, but uncomfortable. Lord knows the inside of my mind has been uncomfortable for far too long. I think we as women are taught to be good little girls, to obey the rules, and not talk about “ugly” things. Well, those “ugly” things can fester inside you when held in for too long and rot away at your soul. I should know. I hid so much “ugly” inside for a vast majority of my life. Over the past year, I have unleashed a lot of the hurt, and I feel that people would prefer I just remain silent. Apparently, God has bestowed upon me to be a poster child for “silent” issues, meaning issues that the world would rather everyone just not talk about openly but keep to ourselves. For almost 3 decades, I obeyed, even though every part of me wanted to scream it all out.
A poem I wrote as a young girl starts, “Feelings, emotions down deep in my soul, explode like a bottle, tearing a hole.” I don’t think I realized then how MUCH that was true for me, how the feelings and emotions I had been having to hide were eating away at me and tearing a hole inside of me. I recently heard about an article on one of my favorite childhood movies, “Labryinth” about how it was empowering for women. Though I didn’t read the article, I couldn’t agree more. That line, “You have no power over me” has been a stronghold in my life for telling all the “ugly” that it won’t win over me.