Nothing new on the weight loss front, but it sure feels like I lost a load.  Not in pounds, though.  I feel brokenhearted and maybe a little guilty.  Why, you ask? Well, almost 4 years ago, around the holidays, I brought home a free puppy I got from the Walmart parking lot.  I knew I didn’t need a pet, couldn’t really afford one, and using the excuse of my future husband(at the time) allowing me to get her is no excuse.  Once I got her, I loved her so much, but it was obvious to me I wasn’t really ready for her.  People seemed to know this and their annoying pointing it out just made me want to prove them wrong.

It was obvious from Day one that she was MUCH younger than what she was supposed to be.  As she grew, she started biting more than she should and no matter what me or my Mom did, she just didn’t understand that it wasn’t okay to be so rough with people.  She got too big and wild for the house so we moved her outdoors.  When me and my husband moved into our apartment we have now, we had every intention of taking her with us.  We would have to train her to be inside all the time, but we would do it somehow.  Unfortunately, our apartment vetos aggressive breeds, and she was not only half beagle, but half rottweiler…what I lovingly referred to as a rottabee.  So she stayed outside at my parents and my Dad took over the responsibility of taking care of her.  He would always gripe about her barking all the time and having to buy all the dog food, but when he didn’t know you were looking, I saw him talk to her like a baby.  He had said before when I first got her that he didn’t like having dogs because they would die….

Angel had been over at my parents living for almost 4 years.  She barked nonstop when she saw someone, but when surrounding houses in the neighborhood were getting broken into, my parents house never did.  She would chase cats, possums, rats, etc. and if she caught them, she would kill them.  I guess it was the Rottweiler in her surfacing.  Once during Eastertime, she left a dead baby bunny….so sad, but we also made a joke about her killing the Easter bunny.  We would go talk to her when we went over to my parents.  My husband would go love on her and we both called her “Angel butt”…don’t ask me why, it was just a name we started calling her and it stuck.  Not long ago when I was over there, she cracked me out with her chasing of some critter hidden behind various washer/dryers my Dad has outside(he is a hoarder!).  She even jumped on top of them to try to get at her prize.

A couple weeks ago, I thought she was started to look scrawny.  My Mom thought she was just shedding since it was summer.  On Friday, we pulled up outside the house and it bothered me that I didn’t hear Angel barking.  I called her name for a good 5 minutes and nothing.  I feared the worst….Mom called and no answer as well.  My mom asked my Dad about her and he said she hadn’t been eating much lately and he had been trying everything he could to get her to eat and drink.  I went back outside determined to get her to answer me.  I started calling again and the saddest sight appeared.  I apologize for giving you a depressing sight, but I am just relaying what I saw.  She came around the corner and almost tripped as she staggered up to the fence.  Her head was tilted to the left and she never straightened it.  Her left eye appeared bugged out and she started barking…a very weak bark compared to the bark she normally would do.  It broke my heart and I just knew something was very wrong.  Seeing her like that made me want to just start crying.  I told Mom how she was acting, but later when my Mom came out, she had gone back around the house and although, she would answer in weak barks, she never returned to the fence.  I knew she was hurt bad for sure then.

I researched online and the symptoms seemed to match up with a brain tumor.  My Dad called all the vets in town over the weekend, and they all said it sounded like that.  I read about how to help, and my Dad tried to feed her food and water in his hands.  On Saturday, she ate and drank a little that way, but not much.  On Sunday, my Dad stayed home to take care of her, which he never ever does.  She wouldn’t eat or drink anything at all, and she had started dragging her back legs and tail behind her.  She would try to stand up sometimes, but just couldn’t do it.  She was getting worse and we had already decided to take her to the vet and if it was confirmed what we already thought, we would put her to sleep.  It would just be cruel to let her continue to suffer.  So my Dad took her today…they said it actually looked like she had ate antifreeze or poison.  There is no way she could have got into either in our yard, except for if she picked up something from an animal she killed.  The other alternative is that someone threw poison over the fence to silence her barking OR even so they could later burglarize the house.  If someone DID poison her, then I wish for someone to poison them in return.  I don’t understand how someone could do something to an innocent creature. 😦 I wasn’t with her when she was put to sleep, but my Dad was there and held her.  I am glad she wasn’t alone.  My last worry for her is that she would die alone without anyone there.

I feel like I abandoned her after I brought her home by leaving her behind.  I feel guilty now that we have an inside dog because our new dog is getting all this love and attention that Angel didn’t get.  I also feel like she had a sucky life because she also had Parvo as a puppy, which cost a ton of money to cure, but she came through.  I do not regret any of the money I spent then and I do not regret it now, but I feel guilty for not giving her more time and attention.  I just hope that she is in Heaven happy right now.  Like I said yesterday, I really hope there are dogs in Heaven, because she deserves to have a happier life there than she did here.  I love you, Angel, and I’m sorry I wasn’t a better Mommy to you. I hope you are happy and healthy now!

R.I.P. Angel
R.I.P. Angel


  1. YOu know my heart is breaking for you about Angel. I know how much you loved her and wanted to take her with you. Every time I picked you up at your house for Census, you always told her bye, and I remember always telling her to hush–lol!! She did love to bark, but so do all dogs. She did all she could to protect your parents from anything, including nasty little critters. They were her rewards for your dad. I don’t think she was poisoned. I had a dog when I was a child that a neighbor poisoned and it was much much worse than what you described. There’s no telling what really happened, it could have been something congenital even, just now showing up. I believe fervently that pets always come into our lives for a reason, and that Sammy was sent to you guys because He knew Angel was going to Rainbow Bridge soon. That’s why we outlive our dogs, because it lets us love more during our lifetime. Love you guys.


Leave a Reply to Overwhelmed By Joy Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s