TheRealSharon's Blog











{June 9, 2013}   Spotlight Sunday for June 9th, 2013:Medical Humor

spotlightWelcome to my Spotlight Sunday! Every Sunday I put someONE or someTHING I love IN the Spotlight!

Anyone is welcome to use the idea on their own blog and spotlight whoever or whatever THEY choose, but if you do, please use my lovely graphic that my friend made somewhere in your post to show that the idea came from here! And I would love it if you left the link in my comments, so I could go check out what YOU spotlighted!

Since I recently(2 weeks ago) started doing Medical Transcription Training, I literally have Medical Terminology on my brain A LOT, so I thought it would be fun to spotlight some Medical Humor today! 🙂

*All jokes were found on the internet*

First, I have to reshare something my Instructor tagged me and other Medical Transcription people in on FB the other day! My reaction was…”Oh great, MORE terms to learn!”

redneck

Yes, it is important to not only learn new terminology, but to truly understand the definitions. Here are some more definitions from the mouths of students. 😉

General:  “The body consists of three parts – the brainium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax, the heart and lungs; and the abominable cavity, the bowls, of which there are five – a, e, i, o, and u.”   (All this time, I thought science boring and English fun….now to see that they are more related than I once thought! )

Respiration:
“When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire”
(This is true…I will not attempt an experiment, but I know it’s true!)

Cardiovascular:
“The three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, veins, and caterpillars.”
(Wait…caterpillars? Inside me?!)

Orthopaedics:
“The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat on.” (All this time I have been using my skeleton all wrong!)

Reproductive medicine:
“To prevent contraception, wear a condominium.” (Wow….this would probably work, but not in the way you want it to….I assume this is for those men who are really dreaming big!)

Eyes and nose:
“To remove dust from the eye: pull the eye down over the nose.”
“For nosebleeds, put the nose lower than the body until the heart stops.”
“For a cold: use an agoniser to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.” (Ladies and gentleman, do NOT try these at home!)

First aid:
“For fainting: rub the person’s chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the head instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.”
“For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.”
(Whoever is taking THIS class on First Aid, let me know so I can stay far, far away from them!)

Now for some other funnies:

Overheard in a busy clinic as a receptionist spoke to an obviously hard-of-hearing client:
“No Mrs Smith, not the HEARSE, I’m sending the NURSE!”

A GU consultant from north Wales tells me that while passing through a frantic ENT clinic, he overheard this curious bit of conversation:
Senior surgeon (angrily) : For heavens sake, nurse, get me my auriscope!
Distracted young nurse : But doctor, I don’t even knew your star sign.

Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
Nurse: No change yet.

Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.
Doctor: Tell him I can’t see him now. Next.

My doctor told me to avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn‘t open his bill.

3 Doctors are at a Convention talking Shop.

The first Doctor says: “I love doing surgery on Artists, they are so colorful: red Hearts, pink Stomachs, green Spleens.”
The next Doctor says: “Me, I love doing surgery on Accountants, open them up and all their Parts are numbered, makes it very easy.”
The third Doctor says: “I love doing surgery on Lawyers, they have no Heart, they have no Guts and the Head and the Ass are interchangeable!”

Heard on Jay Leno’s monologue: The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

A woman in Arkansas brought her baby in to see the doctor, and he determined right away the baby had an ear ache.

He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, “Put two drops in right ear every four hours” and he abbreviated “right” as an R with a circle around it.
Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.
The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: “Put two drops in R ear every four hours.” (I guess it really DOES make a difference how you word things, huh?)

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, “Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!”
The man replied, “How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company.” The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets.
Mr. Smith stood up and said, “Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company.”
The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, “I think I need a breath of fresh air.” The man continued, “I work for 7-UP.”

Q: How is a hospital gown like insurance?
A: You’re never covered as much as you think you are.

Q: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away?
A: If you aim it well enough.

And here’s a special list to end this week’s Spotlight Sunday! Hope you laughed a little! 🙂

Beware of these phrases during surgery!1. Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
2. Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.
3. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?
4. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
5. …and could you stop that thing from beating; it’s throwing my concentration off
6. Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
7. FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

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