Yep, no weight loss this week, at least in numbers, BUT no gain either, so…I guess you have to take it all in stride. On Saturday, I went out with my Mom to Outback Steakhouse for lunch and we were seated in a booth. I haven’t even attempted sitting at a booth in forever. I had gotten so big that the last time I TRIED to sit in a booth, I was crammed in so tight that I couldn’t breathe! Therefore, since then, every time we are given a booth, my Mom looks at me with this look of, “Do you want a table?” and I kind of make this “Uhhh…I think we should get a table” reaction and I don’t even attempt a booth. If you’ve ever been really overweight, you will probably understand the embarrassment of getting in a booth and barely fitting or not fitting into a chair somewhere. It’s pretty traumatic……so even as I have been losing weight, I have still shied away from booths.
BUT on Saturday, I didn’t look towards my mom for her reaction. I went over to my side of the booth and slid right in…and to my surprise, I got it really easy and actually had room between the table and the seat! Wow…I honestly can’t remember the last time THAT’S happened! I was in shock for a bit and I definitely told my mom right away how surprised I was. It was really just a test for myself to TRY the booth and when I looked at the space between the seat and the table, I was a little afraid cause it looked pretty tight. I overcame the fear and decided to try it though and it was kind of this new realization that I really DO weigh 78 pounds less than I used to! I mean, the numbers tell me that, the clothes fit better, but it’s still hard sometimes to really SEE yourself as being that much smaller. I still catch myself feeling like I’m close to 400 instead of 10 pounds below 300 and I guess I may feel that way for awhile. I see these people on TV all the time that have lost tons of weight but they see in the mirror themselves as their old selves…and I always wondered why they didn’t see the difference! I almost want to grab them through the TV, shake them and say, “Girl, look at YOU! You look good! You are not THAT bigger girl anymore!”…..and now I am experiencing a bit of that delusion for myself. I wonder if I will ever get to the point where I will SEE the differences and not always see myself as bigger than I am. I FEEL younger than I am…why can’t I FEEL smaller than I am or at least my actual size? Anyone else out there ever been in my shoes and can relate? I would love to hear what you think! 🙂
Crossing my fingers there will be a loss next week!
P.S. My thoughts and prayers go out to family and friends of those who were killed or injured during the explosion today at the Boston Marathon. This world is a scary place when you run a marathon and your life can be taken. 😦 Cherish your loved ones and remember to always let them know how you feel. None of us are EVER guaranteed tomorrow!