TheRealSharon's Blog











{April 14, 2013}   Spotlight Sunday for April 14th, 2013:Weight Loss Humor

spotlight

Welcome to my Spotlight Sunday! Every Sunday I put someONE or someTHING I love IN the Spotlight!

Anyone is welcome to use the idea on their own blog and spotlight whoever or whatever THEY choose, but if you do, please use my lovely graphic that my friend made somewhere in your post to show that the idea came from here! And I would love it if you left the link in my comments, so I could go check out what YOU spotlighted!

If you’re a frequent follower of my blog, you probably know that I’m in the middle of a long weight loss journey that started back in July of 2012. As I was considering what to spotlight today, my journey popped in my head and I thought what better thing to do than to be able to laugh at the whole thing? I still have a long way to go, but sometimes humor is just what you or I need to lighten things up and keep heading forward! So…today I am spotlighting “Weight Loss Humor”.

*These are funny jokes I found over the Internet, NOT jokes I made up*

LOST WEIGHT
Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit.

Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks.

“Wow,” the lady said, “I must have worn these when I was 183.”

Her niece looked puzzled, then asked, “How old are you now?”

(I had never looked at my weight as a possible age before! I guess this is the only time you can actually age backwards! LOL- My outlook on the joke 🙂 )

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books – how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook. ~Andy Rooney~

Secret Switch

After noticing how trim my husband had become, a friend asked me how I had persuaded him to diet. It was then I shared my dark secret: “I put our teenage son’s shorts in his underwear drawer.”

— Ruth J. Luhrs (from Reader’s Digest)

Read more: http://www.rd.com/slideshows/15-hilarious-weight-loss-jokes/#ixzz2QU8cWeIs

The Government has Issued New Guidelines for a Healthy Diet

They advise you to:
1.List your ten favourite foods.
2.List your five favourite drinks.
3.List all green vegetables that look like marsh grass, fur balls or little trees.
4.List water.
5.Avoid 1 & 2; eat only 3; drink only 4.

diet“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”-Mark Twain

clicksFrom the brilliant minds at FadDiet.com, some of the weirdest diet inventions…ever. These are actual inventions that were actually patented, according to the author of the site.

The Red/Green Light Fork

This fork has a green and a red light. When the green light is lit you can eat. Then, the fork senses that you have eaten something so it makes you wait a while (red light). Tick-tock tick-tock Green Light!

This patent was awarded in 1995

(I would be eating a lot of Finger food, lol!)

The Diet Dam: Hannibal Lecter Style

The easiest way to not eat is to block off your mouth right? Seems logical to me. Just stick this grill over your mouth and you won’t be able to stuff your face.

(Who would actually use this?!)

The Calorie Counting Fork

This fork will count your calories for you. That is pretty nice. I am not sure how it works and from reading the patent it involves a stack of index cards with codes on them so I don’t think it is automatic or even easy to use.

In the Middle Ages, they had guillotines, stretch racks, whips and cahins. Nowadays, we have a much more effective torture device called the bathroom scale. ~Stephen Phillips

(AMEN!)

And last but not least, here are some “Diet Tips” 🙂

1.If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2.If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.

3.When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you don’t eat more than they do.

4.Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

5.If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

6.Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel.

7.Cookie pieces contain no fat– the process of breaking causes fat leakage.

8.Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.

9.Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

10.Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and Popsicles.

11. Foods eaten while watching a major event on television do not count. Major events include: Superbowl, Hockey Finals, Indy 500, Jerry Springer show.

12. Powerbars and other type energy bars make you thinner. In all my years of exercising (at least three times a year) I have only seen thin people eating energy bars. Ergo (therefore) they must make you thin.

13. Snickers is the same as an energy bar (see #12)

14. Tasting other people’s food does not add to your calorie count.

15. Containers of food that list the number of servings as greater than one are lying. Every container includes one serving. Half gallon of ice cream, box of cereal, bottle of soda, bag of chips are all one serving.

(All pictures and jokes are from the Internet again, not from me! Hope you had a good laugh!)

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Haha! Very funny… I feel better already 😉



Yay! That’s great! 🙂



When I waitressed and was trying to push deserts, I would tell my customers that calories don’t count if you share 🙂

Also, since so many of my jobs have required me to eat standing up while I worked, I used to say that calories don’t count if you eat them standing up 😛



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