(This is a spontaneous poem from MY heart and is 100% true feelings for me)
A Poem for my Abuser
My life was supposed to be different
I should have been a normal girl
I never should have gone through
What you put me through
I shouldn’t have been put into this situation
I shouldn’t still have nightmares of what happened
I hate you so much for how you made me feel
Over years and years of time
You left me feeling confused, abused and ashamed
Everywhere I went, I had the past in my head
Keeping me afraid and scared to act like everyone else
My mental growth was stunted because of you
I had a hard time trusting anyone
Thinking they would ALL do what you did
You lied to me, used me and made me feel dirty
You made me afraid to be ME
You made ME feel guilty when it was all YOUR fault!
All you cared about was what you wanted
All you wanted was to take from me
What was so precious and special
So you took it, without any visible regrets
Not caring how my life would be screwed up
And messed up from then on
How could you not care what I wanted?
Did you care what I needed…at all?
Did it matter to you that I walked around inside myself
Scared to death of everyone
Because of YOU?
Do you even care now?
Do you dream of what you did and regret?
Do you care that I still wake up
From nightmares of when I was a little girl?
Do you care that every time a man bosses me around
I think of you and break down in pain and anguish?
Do you care that the hurt you cause
Will forever be a burden on my soul?
They say it’s best to forgive
In this case, you will never deserve it.
I will NEVER forgive
I will NEVER forget
When you die and pay for what you did
It will still never be enough
Nothing is going to take away
The memory of what you did.
It took over two decades to break my silence
But I refuse to EVER let you control me from afar.
It may be too late to make you pay on earth
But I have faith that you WILL.
You may have stole my innocence
But you will no longer steal my soul.
YOU are the evil one
YOU are the one who should be ashamed
I will forever be the innocent one
I know that now
Evil may have used me
But I am NOT evil
I am a strong woman
Who has overcome
I am good and brave
And I no longer
Give you the right
To make me sad
To make me feel guilty
To make me feel dirty
You have no more
Over me any more!