This post is from a discussion I had with my husband last week plus many other thoughts that have been in my head for awhile.

Why do we seem to always judge each other as if we KNOW everything simply by looking at them? AND why do people tend to think of certain groups of people as ONE individual instead of many different, unique people?

One of the many reasons I disliked my last doctor I went to was because she seemed to think of me as just another fat person instead of my own self. No, she didn’t ever say that to me in those specific words but other things that were said let me know how I was seen. First of all, I will give you some back story. I’m cursed with both of my parent’s bad foot genes….I have my Mom’s Hammer toes(toes that curl under and after walking or standing for awhile, it feels like you are walking on TOP of them) plus my Dad’s flat feet(which kept my dad from staying in the army cause he could NOT march with them). Besides those traits, I have a rod in my right ankle from a fall I took and had to have surgery on and my weight has NEVER helped with any of these things. Because of my feet problems, even when I weighed the least I ever have since childhood(at 250 pounds) walking on my feet or standing for hours has meant excruciating pain. Now, I understand pain is different for each person, but I would like to think that I am pretty tough. I danced in A.C. Singers concerts only to limp back stage(granted I was taking pain pills to get through!) and I have acted with a 103 fever in a play and I don’t think anyone noticed. So when I tell someone that doing a 9-5 job where I have to stand or walk all day is not the best job for me, I’m not saying that because I am lazy…I am saying it because I know that doing such for a long period of time is not physically possible for me.

So back to my last doctor…When I was seeing her, I was hovering between 360-370 area, extremely depressed but I was willing to work a job if it could be more desk job than a walking or standing one. She (a very skinny woman who has never been overweight) was sure to compare me to her Aunt, which was also heavyset and worked a job where she stood all day. She said that her aunt would end up in pain but she did it cause she needed a job. I have a huge problem with ANYONE comparing me to someone else who is overweight and being told, “They did it so you can do it.” Is that other person exactly me in EVERYTHING? NO! I know my own body and I know what I am or am not capable of. I KNOW that I am stronger than I probably give myself credit for, but not all fat people are the same. Just because someone else can do a 9-5 job on their feet all day doesn’t mean that I am automatically able to. I know people my size who can do splits, but I sure as heck can’t! LOL

And one of my biggest issues with THIS argument is I never hear people telling a skinny person who has problems with her feet or knees that because another skinny person did it, they should be able to, right?!

This now brings me to my second gripe about judging and this has been brought to my attention more because of my Mom. My Mom is older and she has a handicapped hanger in her car and gets a motorized wheelchair in the stores. At least once a week, I will hear gripes from people about someone using a wheelchair that appears to not need it. Well, sometimes it’s warranted if you see a teenager flying around and playing in them BUT sometimes you will see what appears to be a perfectly healthy individual get out of a handicapped car or one of those wheelchairs and you don’t KNOW that they do or don’t need them! There are many illnesses that affect walking around that you can’t physically notice always. Let’s just assume if someone is using either that they really do NEED it and not worry about what others are doing if it doesn’t affect you.

But that IS Human Nature, isn’t it? To judge on preconceived notions and NOT on facts?

Lastly, let me give you something to think about…

I will introduce you to two women, Woman A and Woman B.

Woman A is 25 years old, 5’5″ and weighs 120 pounds.

Woman B is 25 years old, 5’5″ and weighs 230 pounds.

Based on JUST those descriptions, I want you to really think about which person you would honestly pick as the healthiest. REALLY think about it.

Now I’m going to go into more detail on each of these women and see if you change your mind or not!

Woman A is a very lucky woman because she has been born into a family of great genes and she has a super fast metabolism. Which is GREAT for her because she absolutely HATES fruits and vegetables and loves junk food and sweets. She hopes it doesn’t catch up with her but for now, she is loving her figure! She has been smoking since she turned 18 and smokes a pack a day, sometimes two on stress filled days. She parties every weekend and ends up drunk most of the time. Her idea of exercise is dancing at the club on the weekends and going to the beach to show off her tan to worked so hard for back at the tanning salon!

Woman B isn’t quite so lucky. Women in HER family are bigger boned and have to work hard to keep the weight off. So far, she has been able to keep it almost in control because she LOVES her fruits and veggies and only allows herself one naughty food a week! Also, she loves to dance which is why she is signed up to do Zumba three nights a week and in between, she does yoga. She has never touched a cigarette in her life and only drinks on special occasions and never to get drunk. Friends make fun of her super pale skin but she likes it and prefers to stay out of tanning beds and to use sunscreen when out in the sun.

Now…..Which woman looks more healthy? Did you pick the same in the beginning OR did you pick at first that it was simply not enough info.? If so, good for you! And if you picked wrong…maybe you should think about HOW you judge people simply by their looks and if that’s right or not!


  1. I totally agree. And people who assume you have mobility issues because of weight, rather than the weight being caused by mobility issues because it’s hard to exercise! I ought to take up swimming again, but I wish I had somewhere private to go as I don’t like either risking bumping into people if I swim backstroke or really being in public wearing so little!

    Before I got diagnosed with arthritis I had a doctor tell me my symptoms were all depression and he had pains too, so I was basically making a fuss about nothing. Na-ah! I was depressed because of the pain, still get angry thinking about that buffoon and it was 20 years ago.

    You’re doing brilliantly at losing weight 🙂


    1. That’s another good point as well! I know as an overweight woman who has had problems with her feet hurting, my mom has commented that I should get a motorized cart to ride in and I have flat out told her that I don’t want to…WHY? Because I feel like people are going to be judging me and thinking I’m just being lazy and maybe if I got up and moved, I could lose weight. 😦
      People DO judge everything!


  2. I agree 1000% with everything here. I remember a conversation between my mom and my step-father years ago. He was bitching about someone parking in the handicapped parking space. The person had a handicapped plate, but didn’t *look* like he had a disability of any kind. Now I know some people who drive parents or grandparents around and have a handicapped plate because of that and then go on to use it when they’re driving alone, but you can’t know that’s the case unless you actually know the person. My mom snapped back at him for bitching and told him about her dad who had a handicapped plate because of emphysema (which, OMG! I spelled that right on my first try! . . . sorry, back to my thought). He didn’t *look* like he needed the handicapped parking space, but he would have had trouble breathing if he had to walk a long way across the parking lot.

    There are sooooo many examples of ways a person could be wrong about judging someone else. The only way to be sure is to not judge at all!

    Great post, Sharon!


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