TheRealSharon's Blog











{September 18, 2012}   How to be nice to your friends…even when they DON’T deserve it!

*This is a post that was requested by a friend/customer of my Jewelry Candles Business*

First of all, I think we ALL at times need to know how to be nice when our friend is acting not so deserving of it at the moment. I admit it can be hard for me sometimes. I think close friends are like family and Family can hurt you more than anyone else!

I can remember times when I have had some serious fights and arguments with a best friend and said and did things that I regretted. There were moments afterwards where I wondered if we would be able to work it out and go back to being friends. The ones that have remained my best friends are the ones that accepted I wasn’t perfect, accepted my apologies, apologized themselves and we moved on stronger as friends. I almost liken it to a marriage relationship in a way. Wives and Husbands have their arguments but a GOOD marriage means talking things over, compromising and just moving on. Truly forgiving AND forgetting.

But how DO you be nice to your friends when they aren’t being so nice themselves? Or when they are being overly grumpy or bossy? It’s not easy. In fact, I think my first instinct is to snap back at them and put them in their place.  With some people, it might work, but most of the time I think this ends up just making the problem worse. So, I think the way to be nice is to sometimes step away from the situation, if possible. Separate yourself from the situation, count to 10, think of WHY your friend is acting the way he or she is. Sometimes by putting yourself in the other person’s place, you start to realize WHY they may be acting that way and you can understand that it’s not YOUR fault they are acting that way. You know this person’s heart and you know they are not themselves in that moment. They may be under a lot of stress or feeling bad, lost their job, etc. Often times when people are going through tough times, they lash out on the people closest to them and react in ways that are unusual for them. By backing away from the situation, you can keep a cooler head and tell yourself, “This is NOT their usual demeanor, they are acting this way because of this or that and I just need to remember the person I KNOW they really are and this, too, will cease.” Your friend will eventually get over their mood, probably end up feeling lousy about their actions and they will apologize. IF they are indeed a good friend, that is!

And if YOU’RE the one that did or said something because of stress or whatever the situation, then calm down, forgive yourself and understand that you’re only human. Nobody is perfect and we all have our bad days. A true test of friendship is being able to overcome the lows of the valleys and make it through to stand on the mountaintops!

Not everyone may agree with me, but arguments and fights are a normal part of ANY good relationship. Yea, I know that seems like an oxymoron or something, but it’s true! When I see a relationship where both people are always nice and never argue, I see two people that are being fake. I’m sorry, but you KNOW that one or the other are hiding their true feelings to satisfy the other. True, fights where people are physically hurting the other or throwing things are NOT healthy and good for a relationship. BUT disagreements involving just words ARE. It’s good for friends, family and spouses to be able to talk through things and learn to compromise so that EACH person in the relationship feels like their feelings are important. A one sided relationship is doomed for failure. And you can bet that seemingly perfect couple who NEVER argue are bound to explode one day.

Have you ever tried to hold your feelings in and let people continuously take advantage of you? It feels like you’re being swallowed up, doesn’t it? Like you’re a non factor? Eventually those feelings HAVE to come out, so you either explode one day and everything just trickles out in a huge mess OR you end up letting them out by harming yourself. 😦 I can say I know this from experience cause I have tried holding feelings in before in the past.

Yes, there’s situations where you want to act mature and you might have to bite your tongue, but I truly feel you should NOT let people take advantage of you. You HAVE to learn to speak up. If it’s in a relationship, it may even mean that that relationship isn’t meant to be.

And then sometimes being nice to your friends means having to hurt their feelings a bit. When your friend asks you something wanting the truth, the truth may hurt more than what you think a lie would. But you have to remember that as a friend, you owe them honesty. This is where it gets difficult, because honesty can come out pretty harsh at times. You have to then learn to be honest in a way that isn’t cruel. For example, “I LOVE this outfit. Does it look good on me?” In your head, you’re thinking, this outfit makes my friend look fat  but I don’t want to hurt her feelings. At the same time, do you think your friend wants to walk around with possibly everyone thinking that? No! So you would say something like, “You know, the outfit is nice, but it doesn’t do you justice. You are way more beautiful than that outfit gives you credit for. Let’s try another one.”

Yea, sometimes you’re going to say something wrong…again, nobody is perfect, but in the end, I always say: “If someone IS truly a best friend, then things will always work out for good.”

I have a niece who is also my best friend in the world. We have had big fights and arguments in the past, but we have ALWAYS been able to get over them quickly. WHY? Because at the end of the day, I KNOW the real her, she KNOWS the real me and a silly fight isn’t worth losing our friendship OR family bond over. I’m sure we will argue again in the future, but I have faith we will always be able to get over it, because real friends do. They have seen the WORST in you, they have seen the BEST in you, and regardless of it all, they still LOVE you.

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was this about me saturday morning? i KNOW i was grumpy and short with everybody that morning. 😦



No! It wasn’t about you at all! Myran asked me to do a post about being nice to friends cause she thought she was being mean and she asked me this a few days before the sale, so definitely not!!
I was just drawing upon personal experiences from my own past of how sometimes your close friends can lash at you and everything and you have to learn HOW to deal with it, ya know?



You are so right. It’s good to clear the air with communication, even if it might lead to a disagreement. Letting something fester isn’t good for either party who has received the perceived slight.



Thanks for stopping by my blog! 🙂



Paula says:

This is great advice Sharon! And I agree with you 100%.



[…] How to be nice to your friends…even when they DON’T deserve it! (therealsharon.com) […]



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