TheRealSharon's Blog











{June 10, 2012}   When you don’t know what to say

There are times in your life when you just don’t know the right thing to say or do. Times when you hear devastating news and your body and mind goes into shock first when you think you should be feeling grief. Eventually, days later, the grief comes and overwhelms you and you find yourself constantly thinking about things and wondering if what you did say and do was the best thing. I know this feeling very well at the moment because it’s what I’ve been going through. I’ve been thinking and going back and forth about writing about the situation but it’s just one of those moments that you’re not sure. Is it the right thing for everyone for me to talk about it? Is it insensitive or honoring the loss of two lives?

I have come to the decision to write about how I feel since writing always helps me but I want to write about what has happened recently in my family in a way that will honor those who are affected the most and not hurt them. All I can do is try my best here and hope that my words can only help and not hinder.

I don’t even think I had yet mentioned on my blog about my most recently married niece having twins, but she was to have them in October. Sadly, due to unforeseen circumstances, she went into labor early and they didn’t live long after being delivered. When I heard the news, I was in shock. I didn’t think she was having any problems and I wasn’t expecting this at all. Then I felt this incredible amount of sadness for her and her husband, but the tears on the inside were locked away behind the shock. I went back and forth in my head, wondering what I should do. Should I call or would that not be the best? I finally went with a short text where I told her I was sorry and I loved her, I was there for her and she could call me if she needed me. But after sending it, I felt an emptiness inside that there should be more for me to do. But I didn’t know what to do. It’s not something you prepare for…..And I kept thinking that if I didn’t know what to say or do, then how bad must she be feeling? I can’t imagine because I haven’t been through that experience firsthand. I have had a best friend lose a child while we were friends but never a niece lose one, much less two. Not to mention losing two great nephews I had never got to see, never got to kiss or hold. If it hurts to lose two great nephews, then the pain of losing two sons has to be unimaginable.

I almost feel useless because I don’t have magic powers to take away the grief and I can’t actually be with them right now to try to give comfort. I lay awake wondering if my niece knows how much I truly do love her and the babies she lost and how much I wish I could be there for her. I hope she really, truly knows that cause the thought of her thinking I might not care breaks my heart in pieces. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by since I heard the news that I haven’t had her in my mind and in my prayers and I have asked my closest friends to do the same. I can only hope that my family that IS with her right now is helping her some and that she is able to make it through.

The other day, I lay in my bed and said their names out loud and up towards Heaven. I told them I loved them very much and I can’t wait until I get to see them one day. I told them that I know they are looking after their parents and I blew kisses up to them. I told them they are loved much more than they could ever imagine. I also told them that as sad as I am that I won’t get to see them on Earth, I am glad that when my Nanny and my parents and other family members leave this world, they will get to see them for the first time and give them all their love. I can almost see two beautiful baby boy angels dancing in Heaven with their ancestors and smiling down at us.

To Lydia and Dru, I love you guys so much and I always will. I hope that you can find some comfort in knowing that you will see your babies again one day and I truly believe you are meant to be a mommy, Lydia. I know you will be blessed with many more babies. I just want you to know that I’m only a phone call away.

To Wyatt Lee and Nikolai Lane, my two great nephews who I miss even though I never met you. I love you so much! Rest in peace.

Advertisements


eof737 says:

Sorry to read this… my condolences go out to your family.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

et cetera
Everything Mommyhood

Mom Life, Reviews, Giveaways, Recipes, DIY, and more

Worldwide EndoMarch

Forward we go to end the silence for Endometriosis!

Worth the trouble

“He couldn’t see why people made such a fuss about people eating their silly old fruit anyway, but life would be a lot less fun if they didn’t. And there was never an apple, in Adam’s opinion, that wasn’t worth the trouble you got into for eating it.” ~from Good Omens

Problems With Infinity

Confessions of a Delusional Maniac

karenwriteshere

Hope isn't an emotion, but a daily choice. Keep choosing the path of hope.

Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog is a digital youth culture magazine dedicated to your stories and ideas.

The Ideal Me by 24

Smile! You’re at the best WordPress.com site ever

Women Who Think Too Much by Jeanne Marie

My book, Women Who Think Too Much, is available at smashwords.com

Becoming Cliche

My Journey to Becoming My Mother

My Trousers Rolled

"I grow old...I grow old...I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled..." -- T.S. Eliot, The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock

randomdescent

"writing is an adventure"

More Cabaret

Class, Sass, and a Lot of Ass

Book Lovers Buffet

Load Up - You Won't Gain a Pound!

re-Education

Ideas about English, Drama and ICT in the classroom, as well as some broader musings

readful things blog

colourful language, colourful opinions

101 Books

Reading my way through Time Magazine's 100 Greatest Novels since 1923 (plus Ulysses)

Insatiable Booksluts

Voracious readers tell you if that book is going to suck.

Body Rebooted

On the road to optimal health!

%d bloggers like this: