TheRealSharon's Blog

{March 31, 2012}   A secret that stole a Life

She was only seven when her life changed forever. Only seven when something happened to steal her innocence and give her nightmares for years to come. From this age on, she would go through so much in her life and would wonder why she never seemed to get over this depression that controlled her life. In the back of her mind, she knows it’s all because of that time period in her life, but she has no idea how to overcome it and take control back.

Maybe it would be easier if she hadn’t gone so long without letting the people that need to know, know the secret. Maybe if she had been braver, stronger instead of weaker, she would be in a better position today. But it’s too late, the secret has gone on for too long and she doesn’t know how to finally come clean. One moment she was a little girl and the next, she was a grown but confused woman stuck in a little body. She was too young to even understand what had happened to her, but she knew it wasn’t right. She knew deep down inside that it was shameful and she found herself frightened to tell anyone the truth. This little innocent child now felt dirty and broken inside and hadn’t the faintest idea what to do. Should she tell her parents? Would they believe her? Was it her fault, did she do something wrong to deserve this fate?

For three long years, she was afraid of her next door neighbor, even though no one had even a clue of why. She refused to go over there but was lured by false promises and words. She tried to stay strong and fight against going over, but she didn’t know how to stand up for herself and tell everyone the reason why she feared it so much. She felt she had no control whatsoever of her life anymore and didn’t understand what her life had become. She started feeling depressed but had no idea why so she concentrated on music and eating to drown out the secret she held inside.

After the little girl turned 10, she was somehow able to get out of going over next door alone. Then she moved and didn’t have to fear anymore, but even getting away from your fear didn’t mean things wouldn’t be replaced with other things, like being bullied. When some of her family moved so close to her ex next door neighbor, she became overcome with extreme guilt. She now had young family members living close by and feared for what might happen to them. It was then, she spilled forth her secret to a couple other family members, one who would become her best friend. They would encourage her to tell someone but she could never seem to find the right time. Guilt stirred her from within, followed by shame and hatred for herself. Home life and bullies stacked on top of this and took the focus and thoughts away on to other things for awhile, but she kept coming back to the secret.

There was a period of time where she almost felt ready to speak out, and then life took a strange turn. Someone else close to her went through a similar circumstance but was very open and forth coming about it. She felt she could relate so much but yet, she couldn’t, because her truth was still a secret, whereas the other girl had come forth. Because of this, she withdrew into herself more and felt she couldn’t let anyone know right then for fear they would believe she was lying and looking for attention. To be thought of as a liar when it comes to something like this would be worse than just keeping it all inside her. So she tried to push it under the covers and forget. But try as she might, she would never forget and as the years flew by, she started to recognize behavior in herself that was strange and worrisome. It would be years before she started putting the puzzle pieces together and realize they all connected back to the time her innocence was lost.

But now she is a grown adult and her life has come to a standstill. She knows she has severe issues she needs to resolve but at the same time, she KNOWS the only way to do so is to let the secret be known. She’s afraid that it might be too late for it to do any good. Can she go back and mend all the pain the past has caused her? Can she actually let her parents know? And she is also still harboring resentment and anger for what happened to her and wondering why no one could see. She has guilt for not warning people and wonders if someone else is now living with a secret because of her. And it’s not fair that she should have to feel any of these emotions because of someone else…It’s not fair she should feel shameful or guilty at all. She was just a child, for heaven’s sake! It wasn’t her fault!

She wants to smash walls and scream at the top of her lungs how much she hates the one who did this to her. How much you ruined her life for your own pleasure! DAMN YOU! Everyday she remembers and wants to cry…Everyday she hopes you were stopped before you did it again, before you wrecked some one else’s life the way you wrecked hers!

She worries that her parents will hate her for not telling them sooner, that they will blame her or still not believe her. She worries even more that they will hate themselves for not seeing what was going on right in front of their eyes. She worries that the news will cause them heartsickness and sadness that she would love to spare them from forever. And she thinks it’s utterly unfair that she has to put her parents through any of those feelings because of a messed up married man who had a sick messed up mind.

She tells herself over and over that she WILL tell one of these days…but what happens if the moment she gets strong enough to tell is the moment it will be too late? If her parents die not knowing the truth, will she never be able to move on with her life? Will she never be able to rise above this depression?


As always, you may answer these questions in your own post or in the comments section!

This 5 Question Friday was brought to you by:

On to the questions!

1. What giveaway would you like to do on your blog? Doing any kind of giveaway would be cool…I would love to do it some time, but it would have to be a less expensive item and not cost too much to ship, cause unfortunately I don’t have a lot of money to play around with…

2. If you had to choose between natural artistic ability and natural athletic ability, which would it be? Right now, I would say I already have a natural artistic ability and no natural athletic ability, and I honestly would never want to change that…if anything I would LOVE to have MORE artistic ability because my artistic abilities are more in the fields of Drama, Music and Liberal Arts….whereas I would love to be able to draw, paint, etc. really well

3. Do you ditch the coat the minute it becomes “spring” or are you a holdout for more cool temps? I rarely use a coat even when it does get COLD…This past winter, I only wore jackets and they were pretty light ones at that…I can probably count on my two hands the number of times I wore a jacket this past winter. I don’t ever ditch them as far as storing them away, though, I just hang them in my closet until I need them again…

4. What would you do if you won the mega millions lotto of 1/2 billion dollars? I would be extremely shocked because I have never once bought a lottery ticket…it’s not a habit I choose to be involved with but I think if people do it in moderation, it’s not that bad. If someone GAVE me a ticket and I won this, I would definitely have to share with them. I won buy a home for me and my husband, free and clear, where it was all paid for. I would definitely buy a new(or new to me) car because my old one is a junker…I would pay for myself to get lap band surgery and I would go visit my family in Indiana and North Carolina and probably gift them some money…my new great niece or great nephew due in October! would be getting a crap load of nice gifts, for sure! I would make sure my whole family had plenty of what they needed to leave happily and be taken care of. And I would definitely put some in savings for my future children and what they would need.

5. You are at a hotel by yourself…what do you do? Never been to a hotel by myself….if I had a lot of funds, I would probably order room service and go to the spa, watch some movies on the TV and relax…LOL….

To play along, just answer the following three (3) questions…

• What are you currently reading?
• What did you recently finish reading?
• What do you think you’ll read next?

What are you currently reading?“Pretty in Plaid” by Jen Lancaster

What did you recently finish reading? “She’s come Undone” by Wally Lamb

“Children of the Night” by Dan Simmons

“Never let me go” by Kazuo Ishiguro

What do you think you’ll read next? “Gargoyle” by Andrew Davidson

I’ve been seeing news articles lately talking about how some employers are now requiring their employees to hand over their Facebook user name and passwords so they can have access to their accounts. Maybe I am overreacting here, but my first thought was, No way! If my best friends and family members don’t have access to my login info, why would I give it to a potential employer? It just seems way too invasive of them and I can’t imagine I’m the only one that would refuse such measures! Would you hand yours over?

First of all, I would like to make it very clear that there’s nothing bad or embarrassing on my Facebook that I am afraid for anyone to see. I have friended past coworkers on my Facebook and I would have no problem at all friended a boss or other coworker if I was forced to for a job. I’m not a big partier and I don’t post pictures of nudity, alcohol,drugs, etc. I don’t have any pictures on Facebook that I am tagged in that would bother me for anyone to see. I have a PUBLIC page that anyone can see, it’s not private, so an employee could look me up without me having to friend them anyways. I don’t use bad language on my Facebook a lot and I use it mostly for communicating with friends and relatives that live further away and it’s just an easier way of bringing us all together in 2012. I would be 100% comfortable in the future speaking out to any employers and letting them know all of this. My password, though? You’re NOT getting it. I’m sorry.

Why? Well, I have many reasons, actually, besides the fact that I don’t understand any clear reasons for needing it.

1) We are living in an age where bosses and coworkers are NOT always good people. I hear stories of people stealing from their own companies and backstabbing each other every day. I am not OK with giving a relative stranger access to something they could use to possibly ruin my life if they so chose to turn around and stab me in the back.

2)A friend of mine on Facebook has access to all relevant parts of my Facebook that I could ever conceive a employer would want to look at. Having my password would only provide access to my instant messages and Facebook private messages as well as possibly my phone number(if hidden), which an employer would have anyways. WHY would they need to look at my private messages? Private messages are between only the parties involved and by giving access to that, it’s not only exposing my private conversations BUT the friend or family member I had the conversation with. It then becomes an invasion of THEIR privacy. Sure, one could argue that you could tell your friends don’t private message me, only e-mail me, but can you expect every friend to remember this or even for sure see THAT message? Come on. The average Facebook person probably has over 100 friends. And why would I want to stop my private messaging when I, personally, hardly ever use my e-mail and that’s one of the main reasons I use Facebook to keep in touch with people.

3)What if one of my “friends” might happen to be an enemy of the coworker who has access to my Facebook and I am unaware of this? They could then have access to the friend’s page that they MAY have been blocked from…and who knows what they might do with that access? I mean, there ARE a lot of stalkers out there. Maybe this is over exaggerating, but you can never be too sure. Ted Bundy was a very charming guy who no one expected to be a serial killer, but that doesn’t make the fact that he was, any less true, right?

4)Nowadays, your Facebook can be connected to pretty much any other private page of yours you can think of. Ebay, Amazon,my WordPress,etc. Some of these sites, through clicking on connect to my Facebook, instantly log me on without the employer having to know my password. Some of these pages store account info. such as credit card information, if you have one. Access to Facebook can easily turn into Identity Theft. For instance, I have a couple of pages on my Facebook that offer books for my Kindle, for free and for a charge, sometimes. If I click on a book and like it, I can click again and it goes directly to Amazon where I am set up to one click buy. This means if someone had access to my account, they could very easily one click buy a bunch of things, change the address information, and who would be paying THAT bill?

5)If I kept thinking, I could probably come up with a million more reasons. The fact of the matter is, the only thing a password would be needed for is to be able to go in and pretend to be me or be able to change things on my page. To me, why not just ask for a spare house key so you can go through my apartment and snoop around? I have no issues with friending an employer, but they do NOT need my password! They are able to see everything they could possibly need to see just by being friended. This login information idea is just way too drastic.

What do YOU think? Would you be able to give up your information? Can you think of any relevant reasons why they would actually NEED this information and if so, would you go to the lengths some people have, and delete your Facebook or even CHANGE your name so you could keep your Facebook with0ut losing your privacy?


As always, you may answer these questions in your own post or in the comments section!

This 5 Question Friday was brought to you by:

On to the questions!

1. If you were free to just hop in the car and drive, where would you go? Or, if you could hop a plane and go anywhere, where? I AM able to just jump in the car and drive, but at some point, I would need gas and I would be stranded since I’m broke…so I would also need a decent income of money coming in…I would love to visit my niece Lydia in North Carolina or even visit my nieces in Indiana…..I think Lydia is going to Indiana sometime in May so if I had the funds, it would be cool to be able to go there then and see all of them…as far as a short trip, I love my birth place of Austin, Texas
2. What’s your most recently read favorite book? This is a tossup between “The Taker” by Alma Katsu and “Sarah’s Key” by Tatiana De Rosnay…but I think I would go with “The Taker” because it’s a trilogy and I can’t wait to read the next two! 🙂
3. What’s your favorite Spring Break memory? I didn’t have a traditional Spring Break cause I’m not in school, don’t have kids and I didn’t have a “job” to take a vacation from….I went to Disney World in the 10th grade on Spring Break, that was pretty fun, but I got back the night before school started back and I remember wishing I had a break to get over Spring Break!
4. What do you put in your child’s Easter basket? Or, for those w/o kids, what was put in your childhood basket? My mom always got me a bunny stuffed animal every year and a lot of candy…those Easter peeps and Cadbury eggs
5. Do you get a summer haircut? It’s not an annual thing, no…but I need a Spring haircut or trim, rather…now that you mention it!

To play along, just answer the following three (3) questions…

• What are you currently reading?
• What did you recently finish reading?
• What do you think you’ll read next?

What are you currently reading? I will be starting “She’s come undone” by Wally Lamb later tonight 🙂

What did you recently finish reading? “Mrs. God” by Peter Straub

“Overbite(Insatiable, #2) by Meg Cabot

“The Taker”(Taker #1) by Alma Katsu…LOVED this book, can’t wait for the second one to come out!

“Stop Dressing your six year old like a skank: And other words of delicate southern wisdom” by Celia Rivenbark

“The Lives they left behind: Suitcases from a State Mental Hospital” by Penney Darby

“Sarah’s Key” by Tatiana De Rosnay-I really LOVED this book, too…I learned a lot about a tragic historical event I knew nothing of and this story was very touching…I shed some tears, which is rare for me

What do you think you’ll read next? All my books lately have been tree books for once rather than E books, I have library books left to read and not sure which one I may start next…

Welcome! Yep, two posts in one day! I am in shock, as well!

As always, you may answer these questions in your own post or in the comments section!

This 5 Question Friday was brought to you by:

On to the questions!

1. Will you run to the store or to pick up a kid looking a mess? I don’t have any kids to pick up, but I have left the house looking a mess, sort of….if I am just going one place real quick and right back and my hair is a mess, I will throw it into a ponytail and just throw something on, even if it’s a bit wrinkly and go…I’m not that high maintenance…

2. Do you finish a book if it’s boring or you don’t like it? I have pushed through many books that were hard to get into it, made it to the end and been happy that I pushed through, but then again, I have been utterly disappointed in some books I forced myself through…like “The Scarlet Letter”…I just really try to give things a chance, but I have a few times in my life just put down a book after so many pages and been like, forget it! Just not my thing….I actually did this the other day with a free Kindle book, after reading a little bit into it, I was just bored so I told myself I wasn’t going to waste my time.

3. Beach or mountain vacations? I have only been to the beach once in my life, really…and not sure if I have ever really been to “the mountains” so I don’t know….I kind of would love to go on a mountain vacation…mountains just seem so beautiful!

4. What thing/event says “winter will end and spring is right around the corner” to you? Well, definitely NOT our weather lately…it already feels like it’s been spring for 2 months and soon to be summer! UGH! When you start seeing signs for Easter and more white clothing and shoes at the stores, you know Spring is definitely here!

5. Would you prefer couples or family vacation? I would love to do a vacation with some of my extended family and also I would love to do one when I have a kid or kids someday….I would also love a couples vacation…I don’t know which one to pick, I don’t really HAVE a preference, honestly

Every year of my life, St. Patrick’s Day has come and gone, and I have questioned why we wear green and why do we pinch someone NOT wearing green, but I have never really looked into WHY. Today, I decided to research the background and found some very interesting insight into this holiday.

It turns out that EVERYONE wearing green is a very American thing, indeed. People in Ireland, where this holiday originated, wear green, but some people also wear orange. Why? Well, The Republic of Ireland colors are green, white and orange. The Green represents the Catholic side of Ireland while the orange represents the Protestant side. The white in between the colors represents the unity between the two religions. Therefore, in Ireland, only Catholics wear green on St. Patrick’s Day, while Protestants wear orange.

And as for the pinching, it turns out that this represents part of the violence shown towards those in Ireland who wore orange on St. Patrick’s Day. Somehow, this all led to everyone in America wearing green to avoid getting pinched! I, for one, can understand that logic. I remember kids pinching each other for not wearing green, some to the point of violently pinching so as to make the other kid cry. I always thought this was semi-hypocritical that we were told 364 days out of the year to NOT pinch but somehow on a HOLIDAY, of all days, it was OK if the other person was not wearing green.

I remember getting pinched several times myself and telling my mom about it and she said, I shouldn’t get pinched because I have green eyes. I thought this was the most clever thing until I tried saying this and kids seemed to think it didn’t count! Well, why ever not? Don’t green eyes speak of an Irish heritage in the blood lines? I mean, I do have a bit in my blood and I had red-strawberry blonde hair at my birth! Granted, I was also born with blue eyes but they were blue eyes that changed from green to blue constantly until they were green with a blue halo around the pupil. Now they are just simply pure green about 99% of the time. I WOULD say 100% but on rare occasions, people look at my eyes and mistake them for blue. This always makes me raise an eyebrow and wonder what the heck?!

I told my husband yesterday he could not pinch me because of my green eyes and he also said they didn’t count. BUT, I find a strong argument against this due to living in 2012, when people can WEAR contacts that change the color of their eyes! If someone is wearing green contacts, wouldn’t you say that counted? They are wearing something! Now, I do wear contacts, but only for sight purposes, not to change the color of my eyes, but I do sort of wear my eyes, don’t I? I mean, I take them everywhere with me. I literally can’t leave home without them…Beat that, MasterCard or American Express, whichever one it is with THAT saying! I have left home without my driver’s license, purse, house keys before, but never my eyes!

So….I decided to ask the Internet Gods or rather, Google, for their opinion on green eyes counting as wearing green. AND, I must report that a lot of what I found online were people that disagreed with my opinion. UGH! Most people seem to have the opinion that it has to be something you PUT on for that day. But then a green tattoo seems to count. I don’t necessarily agree with that. Maybe if you just got the tattoo recently then, but if you have had the tattoo for years, how are you putting it on for that day? That seems unfair to count an old tattoo as being exempt every year but not the eyes. For me, green eyes do count and will always count but it IS fun to wear a little green too.

Do you celebrate St. Patrick’s Day? If you do, do you think pinching can be taken TOO far by people sometimes?

And, a poll for everyone to answer, please:

-Doing this on my phone so I can’t add the fancy stuff..

What did you recently finish reading? “Blown away” by Shane Gericke
“Extremely loud and incredibly close” by Jonathan Safran Foer
“The Woodcutter” by Kate Danley
“The Blasphemer” by John Ling
“Invoke” by V. J. Chambers

What are you currently reading? “Mrs. God” by Peter Straub

What do you think you’ll read next? “Overbite” by Meg Cabot


As always, you may answer these questions in your own post or in the comments section!

This 5 Question Friday was brought to you by:

On to the questions!

1. Are you looking forward to the time change this weekend? I knew THAT was coming up sometime! UGH! I love when we gain an hour, but I hate when we lose one….it doesn’t seem like it would mess with you as much as it always does, but it gets you every time!

2. Are you getting the new iPad/would you want a iPad? I have no plans to get an iPad anytime in the foreseeable future, I am extremely satisfied with my much less expensive Kindle Fire…I know there are more things you can do with an iPad, but not enough of an incentive to spend that kind of money….

3. If money was not a problem, what is the one thing you would splurge on? New car….I’ve only had one car and it’s actually owned by my dad…it’s a 97 and it’s still in fairly good condition, but it seems like one thing after another goes wrong and it worries me when I think about driving longer distances with it…right now, my radio no longer works in it so I have to listen to music on my cell phone…and that’s not exactly easy to hear through car noises…I would definitely say new car….or even a nice used car…I’m not that picky…

4. How did you and the Mr. (or Mrs.) meet? Me and my husband met through MySpace…he messaged me out of nowhere and I decided he seemed nice and messaged him back, we talked on the phone, then met at the mall and soon after, started dating 🙂

5. Summer is right around the corner. Bikini or one-piece? HAHAHA! Honestly, probably neither, cause I RARELY go swimming and when I do, it’s a one piece with a baggy shirt over it…maybe even some shorts because I am so self conscious……Only way I would ever be caught dead in a bikini is if I had a magic wand and suddenly had an awesome skinny body lol

et cetera