I’m in Super Maid Cleaning Mode this week so I need all the laughter and cheer I can get…and why not share it with all of you? This week’s dose of joy is dedicated to Cleaning! 🙂
Signs I need to Own for my Kitchen:
1. Kitchen closed – – this chick has had it!
2. Martha Stewart doesn’t live here!!
3. I’m creative; you can’t expect me to be neat too!<——Exactly!
4. So this isn’t Home Sweet Home… Adjust!
5. Ring Bell for Maid Service…If no answer do it yourself!
6. I clean house every other day…. Today is the other day!
7. If you write in the dust, please don’t date it!
8. I would cook dinner but I can’t find the can opener!
9. My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!
10. A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.
Good Housekeeping Tip:
Always keep several get well cards on the mantel…..
So if unexpected guests arrive, they will think you’ve been sick and unable to
Is housework and chores keeping you away from the internet? Here are some sure fire short cuts that will have you back online in no time!
1)Simply close the lid of the toilet. Close the shower door or curtain. For the illusion of a freshly cleaned bath, pour some Lysol in the trash can. That should hold you until you finally get someone to empty the trash.
2)Laundry ? Find a good place to hide it! Turn your clothes inside out and they will last another week. For odors……spray with cologne. If you absolutely need to do it, like you have no underwear (heck who needs underwear), wash them then stick them in the dryer. When it is time to fold them, DON’T! Just run the dryer to get out the wrinkles when you need new clothes
3)Call up a salesman for a vacuuming demonstration. Have him show you how the vacuum works in all parts of the house. Insist that even though the carpet looks the same, it really is different in all parts of the house. Some valuable tips for success: Don’t always call same company, keep a chart and rotate. If there are any stubborn spots that require scrubbing recruit the cat. You may have to add some tuna water to spot in order to insure a thorough job.
4)If it doesn’t come off in the dishwasher, call grandpa to come help. He’s always willing to do anything for you. For really stubborn crud, just throw the dish out and start fresh. An even better idea, use paper plates, plastic utensils, paper napkins, etc. Write everyone’s name on the plate or cup so they can use it over n’ over n’ over.
5)Mowing problems solved! Raise goats for some extra income. Set them loose in the yard and they will keep the grass trimmed nice and neat. Plus they’ll eat any of the debris that gets in the yard. Sell them in the winter, then you can start with a new bunch in the spring
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. “Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”
“We’re short-handed, Smith” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.”
“Thanks, boss,” says Smith “I knew I could count on you!”
Q: Why don’t men do laundry?
A: Cause the washer and dryer don’t run on remote control!
Sign in a Laundromat over the washers:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
It’s Not the Detergent That Gets You
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop” grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent.
The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
“Oh, no laundry,” the boy said, “I’m going to wash my frog.”
“But you shouldn’t use this to wash your frog. It’s very powerful and if you wash your frog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.”
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his frog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his frog was doing.
“Oh, he died,” the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the frog died but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your frog.”
“Well,” the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”
“Oh? What was it then?”
“I think it was the spin cycle!”
And, for a last laugh 🙂
10 Rules Of Housecleaning
1. Don’t vacuum too often— it weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.2. If disturbed, dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos. Rename the area under the couch “The Galapagos Islands,” and claim an ecological exemption.3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5, and leave it alone.
4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, “What? And spoil the mood?”
5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this.
6. Explain away the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged children.
7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, “I’d love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed, and the shots are SO expensive.”
8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that “THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes.”
9. Don’t bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, “Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident. I haven’t had the heart to clean it.”
10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, “I clean and I clean, and I still don’t get anywhere.”
Hey, it’s better than actually CLEANING!