TheRealSharon's Blog











{November 28, 2011}   Mirthful Monday-Shopping

It’s that time of year where most people are getting their Christmas shopping either started or finished up early. I haven’t even started. I have to figure out a budget for gifts and try to get it done sometime soon. Since shopping can be fun but stressful during the holidays, here’s a Mirthful Monday dedicated to shopping to bring you some cheer! 🙂

AND I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!

The Crowded Store

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store’s opening time, in front of the store.

A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line…

“That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won’t open the store!”                         ******

“Cash, check or charge?” I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a television set in her purse.

“Do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.

“No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.”

******

Good bye, Mother!

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around, but he ignored her and continued on.
Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
She said: “Pardon me, I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look just like my son, who just died recently.”
The young man replied: “I’m very sorry, is there anything I can do for you?”
“Yes, as I’m leaving, can you say ‘Good bye, Mother!’? It would make me feel so much better.”
The young man answered: “Sure!”
As the old woman was leaving, he called out: “Goodbye, Mother!”
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.
“How can that be?” he asked, “I only purchased a few things!”
The clerk answered: “Your mother said that you would pay for her!”

*****

Fun Things To Do In Walmart

Fill shopping carts with strange combinations of items and leave them parked at strategic locations.

Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

Ride a display bicycle through the store. If questioned, claim you are taking it for a test drive.

Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

Play with the automatic doors. Act as if you are trying to figure out what strange magic makes them work.

Set the display alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day.

Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. If they notice, turn around and look innocent.

Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi. I haven’t seen you in so long.” Watch them try to remember who you are.

Re-accessorize the mannequins.

Make up bizarre nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock.

Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hell” upside down, or 666.

Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible.

Find a comfy couch in the furniture department and take a nap.

When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to your knees and scream, “It’s the voices again!”

When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in narrow aisles.

Walk up to an employee and state in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a code 5 in housewares,” and see what happens.

Go to the food court and buy a drink in a big, colorful cup. Drag a lounge chair and a beach umbrella over to the magazines and relax!

(Sorry to the employees if anyone does any of these!)

Blind Guy At Wal-Mart

A young lady approached the checkout counter at the local walmart. She placed a bag of potting soil on the counter. It was at this time she noticed that the check guy was blind. She started to take her potting soil to another counter but he told her he was good at his job. Still unsure, she stayed where she was. He put his hand on the bag and right away told her it was $9.99. She was amazed that she was getting the potting soil for such a good deal. She went to get her wallet out of her pocket book and dropped it. When she bent over she let “one slip”. Right before she got her money out, the man told her,”That’ll be $21.99.” She was shocked. She said,”I thought you said it was $9.99. What happened?” The man very politely replied,”Well, the potting soil was $9.99, the duck call was $5, and the catfish bait was $7.

*****
I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist.
Tammy Faye Baker
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
Tommy Cooper
When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’s a whole different way of thinking.
Elayne Boosler

A Squirrel Attack

A Chicago woman Marcy Meckler filed a law suit at Cook County Circuit Court to sue Old Orchard, an open-air shopping mall, because a squirrel attacked her leg while she was at the mall on December 3, 2004. She was attacked by the squirrel right after she had left Tiffany & Co. jewelry store and was walking through a courtyard. She claims in her case that in the struggle she fell and suffered serious injuries. The suit states that the mall failed “to warn the plaintiff of the squirrel’s presence.” She attempted to get $50,000 from the mall.

A study done by GE Money stated that women spend over 8 years of their life shopping. A woman spends 399 hours and 46 minutes each year shopping. Therefore, in a 63-year period, women will shop for 25,184 hours and 53 minutes. The 399 hours and 46 minutes are broken down into the following:

1. About quarter (94 hours and 55 minutes) of her shopping time is spent at the grocery store shopping for food for herself and her family (perhaps because most men do not voluntarily do the grocery shopping).

2. About 10% of her shopping time (36 hours and 17 minutes) is spent buying gifts for family and friends.

3. 48 hours and 51 minutes are spent window shopping.

4. The rest of the time, women shop for themselves: clothes, shoes, accessories, beautification items, and toiletries.

_____________________________________________________________

Giving Thanks Day 28: Today, I am thankful there are more ways of shopping so you don’t have to get out in the crowds if you don’t want to. Yay for online shopping! I am also very thankful for my husband AGAIN today, as this day marks 4 years since he originally asked me to be his girl and 4 years later, we are married and still together. Today is also one of my close friends birthdays so today is a very good day and I am just thankful all around for it! 🙂

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The Hook says:

I wish I had actually read this on a Monday; it would have made me smile when I needed it most!
Well done!



Awww 😦 I was kind of late in posting it…I hope everything is going better for you now and your wife is all better!



Paula says:

Thanks for sharing these! 🙂



You’re very welcome! 🙂



On that diagram, my husband is the one who walks the red path… But usually he won’t buy anything, just a lot of window shopping. He does the same thing when he shops online. He’ll browse for hours, even days, before he buys what he wants. I say just buy it and forget it, or don’t buy at all and do something better with your time!



I love to browse online a lot too…but only because I don’t have much money to actually buy!



eof737 says:

Oh that is hysterical and sad at the same time… I don’t care for those morning crowds… a nightmare. 🙂



Yep, they are crazy!



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