TheRealSharon's Blog











{August 4, 2011}   No Apologies, I’m Just Me

As much as I don’t want to care what others think of me or what they say behind my back, I still do…just a little bit. I KNOW this is considered a fault and I realize that what others think shouldn’t matter because it’s about how you see yourself. Knowing all the right things you should do is not the same as magically pulling out a wand and suddenly being able to master it, though.

I have many older friends who have counseled me in how they lived their 20’s and 30’s always caring about what others thought of them and wasting time with that and they regretted it but once they hit around the 40 mark, they suddenly stopped caring so much. That’s a wonderful thing and I hope with every ounce of me that one day I will have that happen to me,too. But I’m 27, going on 28 and from what I am hearing, I’m in the stage that YOU once were at my age. I am stuck caring too much and worrying too much and having days where I don’t feel good enough. Last time I checked, all my friends my age and a little older were in my boat with me. They understand that and we are all trying to get to that moment of clarity where we could not only KNOW that what others think doesn’t really matter so much but that we can live like that. At the same time, my older and wiser friends want to save me from myself. They would love to bestow the gift of knowledge on me earlier and hope that I can take the step they took later in THEIR life on a fast track. Unfortunately, there’s no guarantees it will work that way.

And I’m fine with it, honestly. I’m not going to pretend to have my life all figured out yet when I have so much of it yet to live. I’m not going to pretend my life is all roses if it’s anything but. As much as I want to always sound chipper and always sound confident, I refuse to be dishonest. I’m young and I still have learning to do. My life is MY life and no two people can live it the same.

I wanted to start this post off by saying “I’m sorry I can’t be….” but then I told myself NO….I have nothing to be sorry for. I owe no one apologies for being ME. I’m not going to apologize for sometimes doing a post where I don’t feel like it’s the best in the world, because I’m being honest. Stephen King wrote “Carrie”, then threw it in the trash. He thought it was nothing but garbage and no one would ever want to read it. His wife found it and talked him into getting it published and we all know what happened next, don’t we?

Some times I do a post quick with little thinking involved and I feel like it’s not any good, but I post it anyways. Why? Because maybe I am missing something good that someone else may see. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Tabitha King found treasure in her husband’s trash. So maybe something I find not “good enough” may actually be better than what I first thought. Even the best writers struggle with feeling like they are not good enough at times. So I’m not going to apologize for admitting if I honestly don’t see the greatness in a post I post. Sometimes it may truly be mediocre or not any good at all….but if there’s 1 chance in a 100 that it could turn out to be good or great, I’m taking it. Life is nothing if not taking risks and I’ve spent too much of mine NOT doing so. I’m ready to dive in and let it all show, the good AND the bad, and let the critics(YOU) be the judge.

I want honest opinions and feed back, I’m not looking for sugarcoated candy here. If something I post IS no good, you don’t have to like it and you can tell me it’s not my best or give me suggestions on how to make it better. I don’t want people telling me “good job” and then really thinking, “Oh my gosh, that was horrible, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”

I know it happens sometimes but I honestly want only truth.

And I’m not apologizing for doing posts that expose negative things in my life that I deal with, either. Life is not all rainbows and butterflies and for some, just thinking positively, can’t twist it to suddenly be that way. This isn’t a one size fits all world and I can’t snap my fingers and suddenly be Miss Sunshine.

I’m done apologizing for things I shouldn’t have to….No more Apologies, Just me.

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Sharon, Your blog title should be “No more Apologies, Just me.” I love your title now but you r post is so real and down to earth. What you write I have felt that way. It’s like some people just stopped by and Hit LIKE – which is good to say they stopped by for a “courtesy.” I get that.
Then there are those who stop by and make a comment, good bad or ugly, but a comment and I do love those. I am a “comment queen.” With that said I have laid off the comments just to see if anyone cares or stops by my own blog. “me just being curious.” Do others really care? I really do not have that answer, nor do I care what others think, but then again I am 44 years old.
Sharon, you are wise beyond your years, your writing is really wonderful and you really should consider writing a book one day. I have said that before and I will keep encouraging you.
What drives me batty is that others “expect” us to be sunshine and rosie when life is not about that. It’s not always that way. It is okay to have a down mood, a down day. I don’t care if they like it or not, I live in a real world with real struggles, emotions, trials, difficulties and all that – My Reality. I do not deny my own reality nor should you.
Friends, I have a saying that says, “you can count your real friends on ONE HAND.” Why? Well, when I really needed others to help me when I was a single mom, one friend was there. When my car broke down with a baby in the back seat, in the middle of an intersection: no one was there. When I moved three times in three years: No one was there but my man. Even online: I have about 10 or less friends that I can COUNT ON.
I have been thinking of giving up this whole blogging thing or the challenge. I already know I can write daily so it’s not a challenge any longer. But I love the relationships I have made, and then I also love to read and comment on others blogs…it’s crazy I handed out five awards and no one responded. Talk about the “all about ME ME ME syndrome.”
You say, “even the best writers struggle with feelings like they are not good enough at time.” I agree! We all have those feelings, and it’s okay. I refuse to deny ME ME ME anymore! Some of the best Authors feel as you and I do and others too: I imagine.
“There are no guarantees” and “one man’s treasure is another’s treasure.” Both are great titles to be for future posts for you. Why because in life we have just today to LIVE. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. And, your writing is an inspiration for me and others because you are correct when you say that I find treasures in what you have to say. The best part is stopping by here today knowing I can relate to every word you write.
Sharon, This is HONEST feedback. I love you and your writing!!!! Signed: Jackie Paulson © 2011 August



I appreciate your comment and your kind words. I try to comment on the other blogs I follow as much as I can but I admit to getting behind on it sometimes. And other times I will start to leave a comment and then erase it because I feel like my comment sounds dumb. I hate just saying Good post! and then leaving….I feel like I should leave a more profound statement as a comment and sometimes I am just left not knowing what to put so I will just “like” a post and not leave a comment. Then I feel bad cause I didn’t leave one….I guess even saying Good post is better than nothing though so maybe I should do that.
I started out my blog on WordPress with the expectation that my friends and family on Facebook would be the ones reading it….I didn’t really think others would end up coming across it and sticking around so the fact that I have a few others that read my posts is just crazy to me. In looking back at my original posts, my writing voice seems to have gotten quieter as more people started reading….Meaning that, I was more careful of things I said because I didn’t want to offend people or seem like a “Debbie Downer”. Part of me hates that I changed my writing even a little bit so that others would be more accepting of me but I also know it’s a confidence thing I have to deal with.
I’ll keep doing my blog even if it goes back to the 3 or 4 people that only read it at the beginning because it’s helped me so much in discovering more about myself and I enjoy blogging for me.



Nicki says:

Everyone is going to struggle with trying to please others and fight within themselves about caring what other people think. It’s a completely valid concern.
I’ve been in your shoes so many times recently. Should I care, should I not care? Most of the people that surround me are older. I work at a company with people at least 10 years older than me. My parents are older than other parents. My husband is older. So most of the people I’m around tell me exactly what your older friends tell you; “in 20 years, it won’t matter to you what other people think…I’ve been there, I know…stop worrying…blah blah blah”. When those exact people are the ones I’m worried the most about. When you’re younger than everyone you feel like you have to prove yourself daily or be cast aside as a typical lazy young person. They don’t understand that they’re the ones that make me worry about what others think more than anyone else. It’s a horrible cycle.
You may not be in the exact same situation…but basically it’s the same theory. People are trying to tell you what to do so you don’t “make the same mistakes they did”, when honestly they were fighting to live their own lives 20 years ago too. They didn’t like when people who’ve “been there” told them what to do, or how to live. But yet they do the same thing to us…
Hmmm…
At any rate, you need to live out your life the way that you please (that should go without saying…but in this crazy world, we need that reassurance every once in awhile). Going through these things helps you grow as a person and grow into more of who you’re meant to be (I believe we never stop growing).
No matter what anyone says…or what anyone tries to change about you; you’re exactly who you’re supposed to be right now. You’re feelings are real and true. Maybe in 20 years, you’ll look back and go “man, I wish I wouldn’t have used all that energy worrying about other people”…but maybe not. Maybe you’ll see the truth in it all…that it helped you, more than hindered you.
Don’t let anyone discount you for who you are. Don’t let anyone make you feel that your thoughts are less than worthy. Every step you take is meant to be.



That’s pretty much exactly how I feel, Nicki! It’s older people that see that sometimes I won’t put myself out there in the things I do as much because I care too much what people are thinking….and because “they” have done the same at my age, they want me to realize what they know now and I just can’t. I try, I really do, but sometimes the stress of not being able to frustrates me more than what people are actually thinking. I can just get so down on myself at times, telling myself “Why do you worry so much? You shouldn’t care!” and then I think of my older friends who don’t care anymore and wonder “Why can’t I be more like them?”
Well….because they are older and wiser and have already been through my path to get where they are now. And maybe that’s the secret to how they got there. Cause it seems more and more to me that it’s people past the 40 yr. mark that have stopped caring…..I have yet to meet someone my age or the early 30’s that has that mindset yet so maybe we aren’t able to think that way yet, you know?
I really appreciate you taking the time to comment on my post….it’s so relieving to see someone else around MY age that not only knows what I mean but is STILL in that phase of her life. Older people remember and I respect their wisdom in going through it but I don’t have their perspective yet.



The Hook says:

Don’t EVER apologize for being you! Who else could you be?



Well….sometimes I wish I was the Queen of England so I could be rich and wear that crown she wears but then I think of those horrid dress suits she wears all the time and I think, NAH! 🙂



I never really cared what other people thought when I was in my 20s. I think it was helpful since I made some decisions that were mine only, without outside influence and I had few regrets that way. And yes, as you get older you care even less because you realize you don’t want other people to decide your own life’s direction, since you’re the one who’s got to live with the consequences. I say you relax and do what you really want to do. Life is too long not to enjoy it, most of the time.



I try not to and for the most part, I care A LOT less than I did back in high school so I think I have improved but I still catch myself caring too much at times and then I think about how people have told me not to care and I end up getting more frustrated and stressed out about the fact that I care when I shouldn’t instead of just what people actually think….Seems counter productive for me to spend so much time stressing over the fact that I still care too much rather then just recognize I am doing so and moving on.



Exactly, no matter how many times we’re told that what others think doesn’t matter and it’s only about what we think, it’s nearly impossible to master that. You can get better at it, but I don’t really think there’s one person out there who doesn’t in the slightest care what people think. Everybody wants to be accepted and liked, especially by our loved ones.

It does seem like the older you get the less you care though, so that is one good thing about aging. Nobody’s perfectly happy and sees life as a bunch of rainbows and roses all the time, and I think it’s a good to have a mix of that optimism and realism.

Yeah blogging is more or less about dropping that need for perfection. For most of my posts I’ve just written and hit post before I allow myself to worry about it too much. My writing could be better if I did more editing and all that, but it’s just a blog and it doesn’t have to be perfectly written. It can ramble. I like your blog posts and find your honesty endearing. Keep up the great writing!



Trust me, you’ll all come to the point where you barely care about what other people say and you’ll feel relieved. Free of the influence of others to make your own decisions and live your life the way you want. For some people, this may come later in life, but we all get to it at some point.



I fully believe that as I get older, I will start to care less and less how others view me. I kind of think one of the biggest factors in that lessening as we age MAY be due to gaining confidence in who you are and being comfortable with yourself. I definitely care less than I did in high school, when teens are growing and going through so much with learning who they are and want they want to do in their future but I still lack some confidence in myself and that could be why I still care too much. It’s getting better, though.
All I can do in my blogs is be myself and say how I feel….I don’t know how to be anybody else. Thanks for reading my posts! 🙂



eof737 says:

WoW Sharon, what got your goat here? Ignore the haters… if they are lurking somewhere out there.
Your posts are your effort to share where you are, your thoughts, and your vision with the public. You really shouldn’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Honestly, when I started blogging, I had very few visitors and friends told me to write XYZ. I wrote what I knew and felt comfortable writing and that’s it. Some days I post stuff with typos and incomplete thoughts and then go back and edit and update them… that is the joy of blogging. But we can’t sweat over others opinions of us.
Plus, a little secret, most of us care even when we are older, we just don’t fret as much about it… Keep your chin up girl! we all have miserable days and that’s part of being human… I write what I need to remember to help me stay positive and it helps me and others, I hope… You write what you need to and that is what matters! Keep writing and I’ll keep reading…
I taught writing for 14 years, and one lesson I learned and shared with my students is that if we want to write, we should go ahead and do it and not get caught up in all the rules; write for your delight and let the chips fall where they may. Be well! 🙂
Checking back in to catch up after a lull on the comments front but hectic on the home front. 🙂



You know, it was really just a mixture of many different things and not just one specific thing……This is actually a post I debated over quite a bit. Something in me really wanted to write it and I kept pushing it back for days and it just wouldn’t go away…..so I HAD to write it to get it off my chest. As far as the caring what people think part….that came from the fact that I have lots of older friends who are always telling me to not care so much because they used to at my age and they regret it. After awhile, I started to harangue myself every time I would catch myself caring…and it got to the point where I was stressing more over the fact that I still care sometimes MORE than stressing over what others think.
As for my posts that I don’t feel are good enough….maybe I shouldn’t call a post I do “trash” or “not very good”…..I probably SHOULD just do a post and leave it to others to put their own thoughts but I can’t help my personality…..I’m honest and sometimes I DO judge my own posts harshly but I DO believe that just because I might say one of my posts feels like trash to me doesn’t mean that someone else might not feel different about it….not to mention that the others out there who are just like ME might be able to relate to what I feel in writing, which some actually have……



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