TheRealSharon's Blog

{May 31, 2011}   Last Day in May Mediocrity

Is it just me or does it feel like the time since I started my daily blog posting has just flown by? I started on January 11th so June 11th will mark 5 months straight of  posting for me. I can’t believe it’s been that long…it seems like I just started yesterday.

I don’t know that my writing ability has changed much from start to now but I do know that I have grown more confident in my ability. I still struggle with procrastination in every area of my life but so far, posting every day has given me the belief in myself that I MIGHT be able to overcome it enough to finally take writing even further. Maybe I’m at the stage where I can actually start writing a book and complete it one day. I definitely don’t think it will be easy because my inspiration comes and goes but I’ve learned that if I work at it, a little at a time, I can find the will power inside myself to get it done. Doing THIS for almost 5 months straight now is proving that to me.

I know I’m not the only that has accomplished this so far. All the others still in the “game” have an amazing ability to stick with it without giving up. It’s not easy at all! BUT there are some that haven’t made it this far, so I feel proud to be one of the ones that has…..and there’s still over 7 months to go, so perseverance must continue.

Is it wrong of me to be absolutely convinced that I WILL make it the year? Or even further if I decide to? I never used to believe in myself so strongly with anything else in life, but I find myself with no doubts of my ability to finish THIS out. A procrastinator who has overcome in one area of her life, perhaps? Is that possible? And if so, could I change it in other areas, maybe all? Or is that too much to ask?

I do feel this post lacks so much compared to yesterday’s post. But then again, when I wrote it, I didn’t see it as anything great or anything remarkable at all. To me, it was just thoughts that had run through my head recently put down on paper as if I was writing in a diary. I guess my blog has sort of become my diary…..although I have chosen to make my diary incredibly public for everyone else to look upon and either frown in disgust at me or smile and recognize something that relates to them.

The problem comes when I write something I don’t see as being very good at all and suddenly, I get responses that it’s something really good, in their opinions. I am in then, in shock, wondering HOW did I make that piece so good and HOW do I do it again? How do I perform magic again? For that is what it is to me…..Writing something that others find great seems like I performed a magic spell unawares and I am left with wondering what words did I say to make them think so? How do I achieve this greatness again?

I almost feel like a phony the next day because I have no idea how to do it again! Is there some magic dust I can sprinkle on my post? Do I have a magic wand in my closet that I can wave around and change my post into something more than what I see it as now? I don’t know how to press repeat on this player…..because the button seems to have broke. Oh, magic writing ability, how can you come and go like this without a warning?!

So you see…I give up on making today’s post be a match of yesterday’s…and I definitely don’t intend to even attempt making it better. Instead I will settle for again putting what’s in my thoughts into this computer and pray that people will at least think it mediocre enough to read and not just nod off after the first sentence. I suspect eventually I will write another post that’s great some day…..probably when I least expect to, for that seems to be the norm. But until then, please forgive my posts that are not as great.

et cetera
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