I consider myself old fashioned as a wife in a lot of ways. Part of the reason is because I was brought up by parents that were very old fashioned themselves. Since my parents had me when they were 40 and 44 years old, I guess it kind of makes sense.
I don’t believe in the “only women should cook and clean” idea, though. My dad has always been the one who washed dishes in our house as a matter of fact and he cooks for himself some. I try to get my husband to do the same and it’s apparent that he doesn’t like the idea of washing dishes…Go figure.
Before marriage, my husband, just like many men, like to spend the nights over at a friend’s house just hanging out and having fun. I frequently informed him that once he was married this was going to stop. Every one knows the man stays home with his wife and gives up partying and spending the night over at friends, right?
So much for that idea. For awhile, he stuck with that but soon, he started asking occasionally to spend the night at a friend’s house. Well, this hurt my feelings, quite honestly. Is he bored of me already? What am I doing wrong that he wants time away from me? And underneath all of that was this strong view that a married man doesn’t spend the night over at a friend’s house. Going over and visiting a friend for awhile is fine but spending the night? That’s just not proper! It’s not the way I was taught and I didn’t see anyone else that was allowing it so it must be wrong and I have to stand up against it!
As time went on in our marriage, I eventually gave in. Mostly because he wouldn’t quit pestering me about it and it got to the point where I felt like a mom saying No to a child instead of a wife to a husband. Also, my husband being bi-polar, he goes through a manic phase where he wants to just go, go, go. I am a homebody and I always have been. I try hard to be more outgoing but it’s not my nature. I came to realize that trying to make my outgoing husband be a homebody was the same as trying to change MYSELF to be more outgoing. You can’t change your nature. So I gave in and let him some.
BUT…I still felt like it was not proper. It was just not right and if I told other wives, their jaws would be sure to drop and the gossip would start flowing. And man, do I hate gossip! I didn’t want people to start rumors about my husband possibly doing things he shouldn’t be doing. I love my husband and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he LOVES me. We may argue, fuss and fight but I have never felt more SURE of a man in my life. I never thought years ago that it was possible to be so sure that a man would never cheat on you and would never leave you. I now can say that it IS possible. I don’t have even a smidgen of doubt in my head about that. I know it’s probably rather cheesy to say that, but it’s 100% the truth.
This July will be our 2 yr. anniversary and I’m starting to reconsider my old fashioned view point on this matter. While I do miss him when he’s away for the night and oft times find it harder to sleep if he’s not there next to me, I manage. I’m not the only wife that has to sleep alone at times. Mine might be for a different reason but it’s only a night whereas some wives have to go much, much longer. I can always reach him by phone and if I truly NEED him, I know he will come home and be there by my side.
I think sometimes it’s good for us, though. Honestly, the little bit of time he’s away has been a good time to have quiet time. I can clean up, read a book without feeling like I’m neglecting my spouse, work on my blog without interruptions, or do whatever I choose to. It almost feels like the freedom of the single days but I still have that comfort in knowing I have someone who loves me and is thinking about me all the time. How do I know? I have had his friends that he spends time with tell me how much he talks about me constantly. In fact, I had one of his female friends he ghost hunts with tell me she could only hope that her man talks as sweetly of her when she’s away as mine does of me.
This makes me smile. It’s reassurance of what I already knew. So maybe letting my husband spend the night with a friend every once in awhile is not exactly “proper”, but there’s all types of marriages now a days and we can make our own rules. Honesty and trust are the most important parts of a relationship and giving my husband his freedom to do this is my way of saying I trust him completely.
So here’s a toast to Trust and Modern Thinking from an Old Fashioned Wife! (Except I’ll be toasting with juice!)