This is The Real Sharon’s blog….not very many people actually know the REAL me, though. All the posts I have done in the past were indeed, a part of me but there’s still a lot more that I haven’t chosen to share with anyone.
The past couple of days I have done funny blogs because craziness and laughter is so much a part of me. The reason behind my craziness and laughter is not funny at all, though. Difficult times lead people to cover up the hurt by masking the way they really feel. Making people laugh keeps me from having to talk about serious things that hurt me deep. There are a few things in my life I have never written in a private journal or done a blog about. This post is about one of them.
Most people know about how I was made fun of in high school. If you don’t, you can go back and look through the few posts from last year where I talk about it. What they don’t know is that sometimes being at home away from school wasn’t much better.
From the time I was a young child through most of my teen years, I lived with my mom, dad and brother. My brother has been deaf since shortly after his birth. He was 10 years older than me so it was a couple years before my pre-teen years when he started to get interested in alcohol. When he would drink a lot, he would get really silly and crazy. I didn’t know what to think about that, but I would soon learn to prefer that.
The problem came when my brother would get really drunk and want to drive. My parents would then try to hide the keys and tell him no. The once silly drunk would then turn very angry, very violent. He would start picking stuff up and throw it across the room. He would hit on my parents and yell and scream. I was so scared he would hurt himself and/or my parents. I would try to call the cops and my mom would tell me not to cause she didn’t want my brother to go to jail. There were a lot of times where I would hide in my closet and cry and pray to God that he would calm down and fall asleep. That everything would just end. I dreaded the nights I would be awakened at 2 or 3 in the morning with the squealing tires, the yelling, the beeping of horns. That meant my brother was home and he was drunk. That meant the next day I would be going to school tired and depressed about the night before only to get made fun of and threatened. I just felt like my life was just one thing after another of pain.
I remember him hitting the kitchen pantry door so hard, he made a hole in it. The wall by the staircase has a hole covered by a picture now. What made it worse is that I could see the blood from where he hit things so hard, his fists bled. I saw him push my mother down to the ground. I saw my mom cry tears of pain, made worse because this was her only son hurting her. I saw my brother chase my dad through the front yard with a huge knife. I saw my best friend scared to death and crying when she just happened to be spending the night when he got home one night. I was so embarrassed that she saw that and I was also scared for her as well.
I took a Careers class at the high school I went to to finish early. Most of the kids at that school had tried drugs or alcohol before and they were literally dumbfounded that I hadn’t. They seemed to think drinking was cool, but I didn’t. Of course I didn’t think it was cool. When people talk about it being cool, all I can think about is my brother and all the things I saw. They are like flashes in my head, flashing in and out, reminding me.
And it wasn’t just the anger that scared me. My brother overdosed on alcohol a few times and had to have his stomach pumped. He got into an accident once where he ran into a gas pump(can’t remember the exact word for it). His car turned off right after he ran into it. If it hadn’t, he would have died. Knowing that my brother almost died several times due to alcohol scared me to death. When people around me told their drunken stories of passing out and how to them, it was so funny, I couldn’t help but feel anger. Don’t they know what alcohol can do? Don’t they know my brother almost died several times due to it? Don’t they know my brother hurt my mommy and my daddy? Don’t they know my parents could have been severely injured or killed due to my brother thinking it’s FUN to drink?!
There are times still today, I get angry at people thinking it’s fun to drink. I don’t think drinking is something to be taken lightly. I admit that I have drank a few times in my life as an adult, but I honestly don’t care for it much. It doesn’t taste good to me. A hangover is not fun and what’s the point? To me, it’s not worth it. I know a big reason that I will never take drinking as something fun the way others my age do is always going to be because of my past experience. What happened will ALWAYS be in the back of my mind, every second of every day.
My brother is now married and he hasn’t drank in years. It’s been probably a decade since any of this happened and I am so thankful he finally stopped. I hope to God when I have kids someday, I can tell them a part of my story and it will make them NOT want to make the same mistakes he did. I hope this does not become something that is hereditarily passed on.
I know not everyone reacts the same to alcohol but I think everyone that drinks should take a look at the reasons behind it and realize if they’re well founded or not. I don’t want to see anybody I love and those they love lost to alcohol related accidents. I love you all!