These are just SOME of the many things that have been going on in my head lately……

1) It seems like certain things in my life lately have just tried to conquer me and keep me in the dumps but when I start to feel pity for myself and just feel like no one else understands it, I always seem to be put right in the middle of tons of other people who are going through things as well, sometimes a lot worse in my mind’s eye, sometimes about equal with what I am dealing with, but it seems I am ALWAYS shown at my lowest point the perspective that I am not the ONLY one that goes through hard times and I will never be the only one and even when it doesn’t completely eradicate my problems and they still feel very relevant and depressing to me individually, it just seems like there’s an invisible hand lifting me up and telling me, “Wait up a minute! YOU are NOT the only one who is going through hard times, do NOT feel sorry for yourself!” And it helps a little…BUT No matter how many times I am reminded of the fact that there is always someone dealing with something worse, it seems God must continually remind me over and over again….Why must humans be so hard headed sometimes???

2) I am a Census worker, that is my JOB..your job is working at a store, a school, a restaurant, etc, w/e it may be…I am NOT a secret spy working for the government, I am NOT in on a secret plan to gps your location and bomb your house….I have no idea what the government is or is not planning to do…..I go out and get the census taken because I am paid to do that…YET there are people out there who want to threaten ME and other workers like ME because we are working for the government…..People who want to gripe and cuss us out because they do not agree with the government…I find this really ridiculous and ignorant, the Census IS the Census, we do not talk about our own personal politics on the job, we do NOT have any say in what the President or the government does, so I wish someone would get that memo out there….Fill out your form or don’t fill it out….I don’t want to hear your personal grievances with the govt., write your senate or House of Representatives because talking to me will not get you anywhere

3) I do not now or I believe ever will understand people who say a cuss word for every other word out of their mouth, My mom would slap my face and if I slip one out around her to this very day, she will STILL slap my face and yell at me…I believe people that use more cuss words than regular words are not very intelligent or at least are doing a very good job of pretending to be dumb because it doesn’t take any intelligence to spew out vulgar language for every other word. While I may be nice to someone’s face that talks like this, I do NOT respect you for this and it especially bothers me if you are a so called “Christian” that does this all the time. I realize we all have our bad days and Lord, I have been there and I am guilty myself of bad words in those times but if you make it a habit to spend over half your day speaking like this, I honestly think you might not want to confess that you’re a Christian because it looks very hypocritical.

4) For those of you who still do NOT know, my husband is Bi-polar…I still can NOT believe the faces I see when people hear me say that. There is so much of a stigma about this disease and I feel like more people need to become more aware of this as well as many other diseases such as ADD, OCD, Autism, etc. My husband can be in the public and act just like everyone else and you would never know he was bi-polar unless you were told. He is very good about taking his medicine and with it, he acts pretty normal.  I think one of the main stigmas I had to deal with after I told my parents was the “violence” issue because many people are afraid of a bi-polar person becoming very violent. I WILL say that he can get mad and say stuff about other people he doesn’t mean in the heat of things but he never acts anything out. He can be extremely indecisive at times which can suck because I, myself, am indecisive. He has days where he wants to go, go, go and then days where he just wants to stay at home but most of the time, he likes to get out and go places. I am more of a homebody type so sometimes this can be an issue but I think it’s good for me at times because it gets me out of the house more than I want. I suffer from depression myself because of my thyroid so someone with a more outgoing personality is actually good for me because it keeps me from being down all the time. As for the violence part, he has never hit me and I trust that he never will. During our dating phase, I got mad and accidently swung out at him to get him to leave me alone and ended up hitting him pretty hard in the face. He backed off, went and sat down at the other end of the couch, cooled off and then hugged me as I was crying because I was upset that I hit him. This incident was a good indicator of how much he loved me and how he could control himself and not hurt me and I know it assured my family and possibly, Chad’s family, that while he did have a disorder he couldn’t always control, he could at least control himself when it came to someone he loved. Since then, we fight, we argue, we are already like an old married couple, but we love each other and we get through it. My husband is probably NOT the easiest person to live with, I know there are people out there who agree with that wholeheartedly. I know he is not, but there are times when I am not either. Everyone has issues and I believe everyone deserves someone to love and to be loved in return. I think to some people, it would be so easy to not give someone a chance because they are bi-polar OR have depression, but it just so happens that my life brought me through a lot of situations where I felt unloveable and unimportant and this made me the right kind of person to fall in love with someone else who viewed himself the same way. And we fit, I think we ARE a good match. If you had asked me years ago if I would marry a bi-polar man, I would probably think you were crazy yourself but as you get older, you realize you can’t find someone if you’re going to keep expecting perfection because that’s unrealistic. The person out there that is meant for you might not be what you consider RIGHT for you but God knows better than you do and he also likes to surprise you. 🙂

5)This is more of a Thank you to my mom that has recently been in my head. I want to thank my mom for teaching me that as long as I am brought up the right way to know what is right and wrong and what is real from what is fiction that I can now go out and use those fundamentals to aid me in making the best decisions in my future. I will not be one of those people who are told what to believe and what not to believe, I can hear what people have to say, take it all in, but in the end, I am an adult who was raised right and I don’t have to go by what others say about laws, what others say about the world, about movies, about books, etc. I KNOW my beliefs, I KNOW where I am going to go when I die, and I don’t have to take anybody’s else word on anything. I am smart enough to do my own research on things and come up with my own ideals on them and my own opinions and I know when fantasy stops and reality begins and at the end of the day, I can walk away and know that Fantasy in w/e form it may come in is just a form of worldly entertainment and it will never dictate how I live my life in any way, shape or form because when it’s all been said or done, my mom raised me right and I will never stray from what I KNOW is right.

That is all my musings for now…lol

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