TheRealSharon's Blog











{February 13, 2010}   A high school outsider

This is a poem I came up with that shows a little of what I felt in high school.

So this is high school, what all the kids talk about,

This is where they say I’ll have the best moments of my life,

Apparently, my future will be tragic,

Cause all high school has brought me is sorrow and strife.

Halfway through the year, I make one good friend,

Thank God for her or I’d be lost,

I dread the days when we have different lunches,

I’d rather not eat at all than sit all alone in that hall,

Full of the cliques always laughing and staring,

My stomach feels all jumbled up and tossed.

I wonder what they would feel like if they knew what it was like to be me,

Made fun of, laughed at, threatened day by day,

It’s not that it’s all in secret, it’s in front of all their eyes,

I guess they just don’t care or are afraid to speak up,

What they don’t understand is they’re not that different from me.

I listen to the same music, like the same shows,

Obsess over the same guys as they do,

I wish to dress like all the stars, but clothes are expensive and hard to find in my size,

I have beautiful curly hair but it’s so kinky, it’s an afro,

And these glasses don’t do much for my reputation in your eyes.

Most of all aren’t so bad, you just completely ignore me,

At least you’re not like some of the guys, they just seem out to destroy me.

They do it in the worst way you could possibly hurt me,

They sling words like massive stones, humiliate and revert me

Back into something I’ve tried so long not to be,

That little girl afraid to be herself, she longs to break free,

But I sit in this shell, not quite sure how I got here,

Wasn’t I hatched long ago?, How did the pieces get put back here?!

Instead of exiting the shell, I feel it closing in on me,

Every time I poke my head out, there’s always YOU looking down at me,

Telling me I’m not good enough, I’m ugly, I’m fat,

No one will ever love you, Stay just where you’re at,

I don’t care what’s inside you, longing to get out,

Your outer exterior is all I care about.

So I stayed home, crying, all alone in my room,

I refused to go to that prison that you call school,

What do I learn there, anyway? Except how to hate,

There’s only so much a poor girl can take.

(Just wrote this, first poem I have written in a LONG time, I know it’s rough….But everything in this poem is how I felt back then and I still remember it very vividly. I got kicked out of high school for missing too many days, the teachers were told it was migraines, but it wasn’t. I was picked on mercilessly, by one boy, in particular, more than others and everyone said to just ignore it….It went on right in front of everyone’s eyes and no one did anything about it because his parents were on the school board. I was told to just ignore it and I tried very hard, but the more I tried to ignore it, the more he would put his face right up next to mine and yell at me, call me horrible names, and threaten to kill me…..even in front of teachers and the teachers can say they didn’t see it, but they know they did. One time, I even hit him hard on the head in class with our textbook, teacher saw that to, and I didn’t get in trouble…..he deserved it…but he kept doing it. People saw me crying and no one came to my rescue….not sure why. I just know that before I came here to Lufkin, I was very outgoing, had a nice group of friends, stuck up for myself and others and after high school, I was left very reclusive and it took a long time for me to come out of my shell and I still have some damage from this. I hate wearing glasses cause it makes me relive my past….I hate being fat cause it brings back memories…..

I just wanted to share this with everyone and please teach your kids to be nice to others and if you see another kid being picked on, even just a nice word their way will help.

There’s a song by a Christian group called Superchick that everyone should listen to….I cried the first time I heard it and still do now…I can so relate…here are the lyrics:

HERO By: Superchick
No one sits with him, he doesn’t fit in,
But we feel like we do when we make fun of him,
‘Cause you want to belong, do you go along?
‘Cause his pain is the price paid for you to belong
It’s not like you hate him or want him to die,
But maybe he goes home and thinks suicide,
Or he comes back to school with a gun at his side,
Any kindness from you might have saved his life…

TAG: Heroes are made when you make a choice…
CHORUS:
You could be a hero,
Heroes do what’s right,
You could be a hero,
You might save a life,
You could be a hero, you could join the fight,
For what’s right, for what’s right, for what’s right…

No one talks to her, she feels so alone,
She’s in too much pain to survive on her own,
The hurt she can’t handle overflows to a knife,
She writes on her arm, wants to give up her life,
Each day she goes on is a day that she is brave,
Fighting the lie that giving up is the way,
Each moment of courage her own life she saves,
When she throws the pills out, a hero is made…

TAG/CHORUS

No one talks to him about how he lives,
He thinks that the choices he makes are just his,
Doesn’t know he’s a leader with the way he behaves,
And others will follow the choices he’s made,
He lives on the edge, he’s old enough to decide,
His brother who wants to be him is just nine,
He can do what he wants because it’s his right,
The choices he makes change a nine-year-old’s life…

TAG/CHORUS

Little Mikey-Dee was the one in class
Who everyday got brutally harassed
This went on for years
Till he decided that never again would he shed another tear
So he walked through the door
And grabbed the .44 out of his father’s dresser drawer
He said ‘I can’t take life no more’
And like that a life can be lost
But this ain’t even about that
All of us just sat back and watched it happen
Thinking its not our responsibility
To solve a problem that isn’t even about me
This is our problem.
This is just one of the daily scenarios
In which we choose to close our eyes
Instead of doing the right thing
If we make a choice and be the voice
For those who won’t speak up for themselves
How many lives would be saved, changed, rearranged?
Now it’s our time to pick a side.
So don’t keep walking by not wanting to intervene,
Cause you just want to exist and never be seen.
So lets wake up, change the world
Our time is now.

You could be a hero – (Our time is now) heroes do what’s right
You could be a hero – (Our time is now) you might save a life
You could be a hero – (Our time is now) you could join the fight
For what’s right, for what’s ri-ight…

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[…] 1998-Bullying at school got worse so I started missing more and more school. I got contacts to replace my glasses and got accused of trying to “fit in”. […]



That was a very heart-felt and passionate poem Sharon. I hope someday you can publish it beyond WordPress so it can bring comfort to someone who may be going through what you went through, so they know they’re not alone. Your experience in high school sounds awful, I can’t believe this guy who yelled in your face and threatened you. And people (esp. teachers) watched and did nothing…wow. That breaks my heart. It takes an incredibly strong will to get through something like that, I don’t know how you managed. I wish there had been someone there for you who could have helped you and stood up to this bully. I don’t know how people could just watch that and not even try to comfort you or help you at least. 😦 Gosh we should just start an undercover program to send older people who can appear to fit in as high schoolers to be on the lookout for these bullies and the victims. Like that movie with Drew Barrymore, only with the emphasis on trying to help prevent bullying and help those who are getting targeted and no one is there for them.



That’s a good idea and I totally agree!
In my situation, the boy that did the most to me was a son of parents on the School Board so when I went to the counselor, she seemed shocked and in utter disbelief when I said this boy was doing these things to me. The following day after I spoke to the counselor, the boy knew about it and was even crueler to me. Once I saw things got worse by going to people higher up instead of better, I pretty much just gave up. I think I survived by becoming numb until that wasn’t even working, which is when I started pretending to be sick. My mom kept telling me “Ignore him”, “Tell the teachers”, etc. None of it was working and I think she finally realized it when I locked myself in the bathroom and refused to come out until she removed me from the school. I think it finally clicked to her that it was the only thing to do…..short of maybe getting a lawyer and suing the school for failure to stop the bullying…..



Wow yeah I can unfortunately imagine something like that happening with the counselor not really believing you about the boy. It would be a lot easier to pinpoint bullies if they were the skinny blond popular plastic chicks in the movies who everyone knows are the “mean girls”, but so many bullies don’t even look like they’d be threatening or mean, and often they are two faced. So you will see the bully, but others will see some nice, sweet person who would never do something like that. And then no one really believes you or gives you much support, and telling people higher up only gives you more trouble from the bully. It sucks. :/



Yep, indeed it does.
Surprisingly, I was never really picked on by many girls. They just completely ignored me and never talked to me, which still hurt but I preferred it to what the one boy did.



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