Sometimes moving forward is what you want so badly that your life seems to freeze in place and feel rather sedentary when you’re not moving. Moving backwards may be fun when you’re a kid, but I simply can’t allow myself to regress. I’ve been stuck in a virtual tug-of-war over my weight for years, and this time I am sick of it all. Lose weight, gain weight, back and forth, like the most annoying pendulum you can imagine.
Being stuck in between the losing and the gaining has been my reality for over a month now, if you don’t count the one week of a 2 pound loss in the middle. I feel like I am in this huge, endless mud puddle in which I have become so stuck that I don’t see a possible way out. I really think the whole thing has become quite a downer. I want to keep losing. I don’t want to endlessly post that guess what, guys? I weigh the same this week as last week. How is that supposed to be inspiring? I try to tell myself that being stuck is better than gaining, which being someone with hypothyroidism, it really is, but it just doesn’t really help.
So, I am going to try looking at things a new way. I want to compare my battle with weight loss to life. Sometimes in life, we go about our days rushing around like chickens with our heads cut off (sorry for the image!), never stopping to pay attention to all the little details. Sure, we could pause and backtrack a bit, but not everything in life will stop for you to have a second go at it. Life doesn’t always give you second chances. Walking backwards all the time is, of course, not the best option, because when we live in the past, we miss out on what the future has to hold. In regards to my weight, if I allow myself to regress, I am not only throwing all my hard work away, but I am also regressing back to who I was and how miserable I was with all that added weight. Ah, but stopping and staying still for a bit..there’s nothing wrong with that!
Sometimes it’s good to stop and reflect. Sometimes it’s good to literally stop and smell the roses. I want to be the one who not only stopped and smelled, but really took the moment in and made memories from it. Right now, I am at a metaphorical stop sign. I’m not sure who put it in my path or when I will be given the next green light, but instead of sitting at the stop sign all upset and wishing for it to be my turn to go, I’m going to look around, take in my environment, and try my best to enjoy where I’m at. After all, where I am now looks a lot better than where I WAS. 
I’m thinking I might need to try introducing some more light exercise in my week or something to kick start things back up. For those who have been following the whole time, you probably know I WAS doing Zumba and Just Dance a lot when I first started losing weight, but I stopped after having knee pains from just walking a little. Unfortunately, I still have the issues of my knee popping backwards on me. In fact, every time it seems to be long gone, it reappears. It’s so incredibly frustrating and the only thing to stop it is to keep losing weight, which as you know, I HAVE been doing. I already walk around a good bit a couple times of week when I take my mom to run errands, but I guess I will have to come up with a schedule to do more walking around the mall(since I hate the heat!) or as much of the Zumba as I can physically stand each week. I think this bump in my journey is probably one of the things causing my depression to rear its ugly head again, but I WILL overcome this!
