There’s something that’s been floating around in my head these past few days and it’s about couples that exemplify marriage in one way or the other. Whenever I think about friends and family and their marriages, it seems like a majority of them fit within two different extremes.
Of course, this is coming from the female side….but I’ve noticed that women either tell ALL the bad about their spouse, and seem to leave nothing out, to the point of TMI or they just emphasize the good and not really bring up the bad at all to the point where you think they must have the perfect marriage. Notice I said a majority, cause I’m sure someone will point out knowing people who fit neither of these. I just really think there’s not many people out there that show the middle of these two extremes.
I’m sure we all know women who bash about their men publicly all the time and are always talking about what their man did now. Then I’ll see the comments from others not giving advice as must as suggesting they leave their man. This has pretty much taught me that you probably don’t want to air ALL your grievances in marriage publicly, because it seems like a lot of people think the cure for ALL marital problems is automatically divorce. Not that I’m Anti-Divorce cause there are a lot of reasons why I think it’s needed, but I don’t think it’s needed in every situation.
Then there are the women who are always posting about the sweet things their man does and you NEVER see anything negative about their marriage posted. Some would say that’s a good thing because it should be kept private while at the same time, other women tend to either wrongly idolize that person’s marriage as perfect(when I can pretty much guarantee it’s NOT always) or they feel jealous and wonder why their husband’s not like that….which is kind of holding him up to a possibly false ideal? I mean, just cause someone posts only the good doesn’t mean there is never any bad, right?
The problem comes in when you look at the two extremes and wonder where’s the example out there that speaks the truth?
Unless you’re in an abusive relationship, I would like to truly believe that no marriage is either ALL bad or ALL good, but when you see people seeming to just point out one side or the other, you almost start to see YOUR marriage as kind of an oddball.
This is how I feel, honestly. Especially since I’m married to a Bipolar man and I suffer from Depression myself. I feel like a liar if I point out only good, because I openly blog about this and how will other women newly married to a bipolar spouse feel if I act like it’s all roses? Will they think that their husband doesn’t HAVE to have his mood swings at times? Will they think their spouse acts the way he does ONLY because of them and not because of their disorder? Will they falsely believe that someone who is Bipolar can seriously go through life as a perfect man when guys that AREN’T can’t? I feel like it’s being fake to pretend that being married to my husband isn’t hard at times. As it is, I feel like I don’t really have anyone in my exact position to talk to about things and feel like I’m not the only one in my position.
Then I read things talking about how a married couple should never yell at each other and I think that’s completely ludicrous! In that case, a lot of people should split up right?! Who doesn’t EVER yell at the other at least once in their marriage when arguing? And in the case of being Bipolar, it’s unrealistic. It’s like saying Bipolar people or Depressed people should never marry….Why? Don’t people with Mental Health Disorders deserve love too? Yes, yes, they do. Not everyone can handle living with someone that has one. I have definitely figured that out….I have been asked before how I can handle the outbursts. Well, it’s not easy but it helps to actually spend time LEARNING about Bipolar Disorder and how it works. You have to understand how it effects people and I think you figure out what love really is. I do not think a marriage with one or both people that suffered from a mental health disorder can ever work if both people aren’t truly in love. Not puppy love, but completely 100% unconditional love.
Which is why more people, not just people in my type of marriage, need to maybe be a little more honest. I’m not saying to let the other person’s every crime out in public, but be more honest about what marriage REALLY is like. The honesty of my marriage is that my husband can get mad about little things and yell about them, he can say things he doesn’t mean when he gets upset, he tells inanimate objects that he wants to kill them, he swears far more than I would like, he smokes as a stress reliever, and he can act like a 2 yr. old at times. I’m just being honest…..but the good side is he has never laid a hand on me, he always apologizes, he hardly ever truly means anything bad he says, others say he says ONLY says wonderful things about me to them, he puts up with my hatred of cooking and my overemotional side, he gives great teddy bear hugs and I have NEVER felt at one moment in my marriage that he would EVER really leave me. I have never felt more confident in a man’s love for me than I do with him.
The marriages out there where the couple supposedly fights…I’m not jealous of that. I actually feel bad because I think it’s not real. I think every couple needs to argue at times, in the healthiest way possible, but they need to. Pretending that everything is always perfect and never disagreeing is only going to end up bad, if you ask me.
My marriage with a Bipolar man in which we do have arguments but we still say “I love you” 100 times a day…..I really think MY marriage is something to want and cherish. Not that you should go out and look for someone with Bipolar Disorder or Depression, but I mean, as far as the example of really and truly loving the other person for who they are, 100%, the good and bad, happy and sad, getting through the hard stuff and you’re still standing strong, in love as much as ever. I think the fact that me and him have been married for almost 4 years and together for over 5 and haven’t killed each other is a great example of true, unconditional love.
So here’s to people who are more honest about their marriage!